


Yesterday I Was Nothing

by loganmai



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abortion, Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Adopted Character, Aftercare, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Anal Fingering, Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Begging, Beta/Omega, Bondage, Bonding, Cock Cages, Cock Warming, Dreams and Nightmares, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Hand Jobs, Handcuffs, Insecurity, Knotting, Leashes, M/M, Masturbation, Mating Bond, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mentions of Cancer, Mild Blood, Miscarriage, Nesting, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Painful Heats, Past Abuse, Past Fatal Shooting, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Underage Sex, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Shower Sex, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Teasing, Therapy, Whipping, mild schizophrenia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-01-24 15:17:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 69,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18574135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loganmai/pseuds/loganmai
Summary: When Kieran attends a Friday night support group, he's just looking for ways to cope with being separated from his young son, but he finds a lot more than he bargained for in one of the other members. Matteo is still learning to navigate life without his mate three years after his untimely death, and despite everything, being thrown together with Kieran could be a chance for him to heal. However, second chances are rarely perfect, and people with scars don't always find a way to fit together painlessly.





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,   
> So this is my first fully original, non-fandom work that I wrote mostly for myself but decided I'd post it anyway. I hope at least a few people enjoy!   
> ~Noah

I stepped into the slightly shabby high school gym, glancing around nervously. There was one low table set up with a coffee machine close to the door, and a few people were chatting around it, so I walked over slowly, slapping on my best smile.

“Hey!”

I jumped, realising that one of the guys had turned around and was grinning at me. He was tall, at least six feet, and had rich tan skin with freckles spattered over his nose and cheeks. His cropped brown hair was curly, a few curls falling onto his forehead, and his deep brown eyes were friendly as he strode towards me, holding out his hand.

“You must be new, I'm Matteo.”

I swallowed, but shook his hand quickly to cover my surprise. “Yeah, it's my first time, I'm Kieran, I emailed...Dan, I think? About coming today?”

The question in my tone was born from nerves, but I couldn't keep it out, no matter how hard I tried. Matteo smiled and nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets and glancing at the table. “Yeah, he normally runs the group, but he's away on holiday at the moment. I'm not really involved in running the group, but I've been coming for about two years now, so...I guess I'm a veteran,” he explained, forcing a small laugh at the end. “Have some coffee, we're going to start in about ten minutes, feel free to stay quiet for this one if you need, you don't have to talk for your first couple times.”

“Okay, thank you,” I said quietly, glancing around as he drifted off to talk to an older woman who was filling her cup with coffee.

I stood awkwardly by the table for a while, looking at the floor until the older woman Matteo had been talking to called us over to the circle of chairs. I took a seat slowly, still looking at the floor as I folded my hands in my lap.

The woman cleared her throat and I looked up quickly, swallowing hard once again as I tried to dispel my nerves.

“Hi, I'm Julie. We have a new member today, but I won't put him on the spot, we'll go around as usual and if you could introduce yourself at least, hon, that would be great. You don't have to bring anything up yet.”

I nodded slightly and looked down again, shifting in my chair as I listened to her start to speak about moving on from losing her daughter to cancer a few years ago and her progress in the last week. The stories kept going around the circle, each one about a separation of some kind from a family member. I looked up again only when I recognised Matteo's voice.

“I'm Matteo. I've been really missing Joey this week, I got a promotion at work, and it felt like it was a long time coming, and I just got home and...he wasn't there for me to tell him about it. It's hard, because I keep feeling like I should be okay, I should have moved on by now, but...most days I'm okay, it's just big things like this, I have trouble trying not to imagine how he would have reacted. I went to see him and told him anyway, and that made me feel a little better. That's um...all I wanted to say, really. My week has been about a seven, I guess.”

Julie smiled and gave a small shrug. “Sometimes we take steps backwards, but that doesn't mean we're not still moving forward overall. I'm glad to hear that you found something that helped..”

The discussion moved on to the next person and I tuned out slightly, starting to panic as I realised I would be up soon. I was breathing heavily by the time the man before me finished and I looked up nervously, my hands shaking slightly in my lap.

“Hi...I-I'm Kieran and um. I was...I had a child when I was seventeen, and he lives with his um...his dad. I tried to get custody when my son was a baby, because I was never...I was never in a relationship with his dad, and I was turned down by the judge. She told me it was the law that children had to live with the more dominant person, and that children are the alpha's or beta's property. Um. So I get to see my son once a month, he's nine now. He's starting to get old enough to realise that me being with him and visiting him makes me sad, and I want...I want to try and learn to handle it better, for his sake.”

Julie nodded and smiled at me brightly, crossing her legs. “That's a good reason to come looking for some help, we're here to support you and we all know how hard separation from a loved one can be. Thank you for sharing, and I hope you find something to help you tonight..”

“Thank you,” I mumbled, letting out a deep, heavy breath and relaxing back into my chair to listen to everyone else.

 

I stayed late after talking and mingling with a few people at the end, and helped Matteo and Julie pack up the chairs. Julie thanked me with a bright, friendly smile and handed the keys to Matteo.

“Can you lock up, I have to run.”

“No problem, see you next week,” he smiled, and she waved to the both of us as she left. Matteo glanced at me and smiled slightly.

“You don't want to leave, do you?”

I looked up at him in surprise, my heart suddenly pounding against my chest. “What?”

“I felt the same my first time, I couldn't leave the gym until I was shoved out, it's hard feeling like you let all this stuff out and then you have to go home.”

I managed a small smile and nodded slightly. “And it's a Friday.”

“Right, yeah, no distraction to look forward to tomorrow,” Matteo hummed, walking me out of the building and locking the door behind him, the jingling of the keys sounding very loud in the quiet darkness of the car park. “Why don't you come and have a drink with me? There's this nice little bar nearby, we could just talk for a while.”

I hesitated, considering the options. I could either go home and watch my boyfriend get drunk or go to a bar with a man I barely knew and talk about missing my son. One option seemed slightly better, on comparison.

“Sure. Shall I follow you there?”

“Yeah, that's perfect. It's only about five minutes down the road.”

“Okay.”

 

I got out of my car, staring at the front of the run-down looking bar and its flickering neon sign. Matteo grinned at me, tilting his head slightly and shoving his hands in his pockets as he watched me in amusement. “I know, it's a bit rough, but I promise we won't get into a bar fight or anything.”

I raised an eyebrow and walked over to him, smiling slightly. “Are you sure about that?”

“Yeah, about like ninety percent. Nah, I've been here a lot, it's usually fairly quiet and the bartenders are good. Trust me.”

“If you say so,” I grinned, following him in and over to a booth in the corner with ripped seats and a sticky, scratched table. He slipped his coat off and tossed it onto the seat, remaining standing as I sat down.

“What do you want?”

I looked up at him and got up quickly, grabbing for my wallet, but he waved a hand dismissively and smiled at me.

“Let me buy you a drink, this was my idea..”

I relaxed, sitting down slowly, still a bit uncertain. “Oh, okay, thanks, I'll just have a Coke, please..”

He nodded and walked off, and I sent a quick text to Nathan to let him know I would be home late, then slipped my phone away and smiled up at Matteo as he sat down opposite me, setting the coke down on my side of the table.

“There you go,” he said simply, flashing me a bright, slightly lopsided smile. “Do you not drink?”

“Not often,” I answered quietly, sipping at my coke quickly while he took a long drink from his beer. “I don't really like the way being drunk makes me feel.”

Matteo nodded, setting his glass down and smiling at me. “That makes sense, it's better for you in a lot of ways.”

“Yeah, it is.”

I looked down, rubbing the palm of my hand against the top of my thigh nervously. I didn't exactly like the way he looked at me, as if he wasn't just looking, but _seeing_. I wasn't used to being the center of attention, certainly not like this, not such innocent attention.

“So uh..what do you do? For work, I mean,” Matteo asked awkwardly, smiling at me as I lifted my head again, swallowing hard and folding my hands in a vain effort to stop them from shaking.

“Uh, I work for a record label, I organise venues and tours and stuff like that, so I work between the artists and the company, essentially.”  

“That's really interesting, I don't think my job is anywhere near as interesting,” he chuckled, leaning back against the back of the booth confidently.

“What do you do?”

“I teach English at the middle school, but uh..I got promoted, I guess, to the high school for next year,” Matteo answered with a smile, then took another sip from his beer. “It's not exciting, but I like it.”

“No, that is exciting, you're like...shaping their dumb little minds.”

Matteo laughed, a proper, resounding laugh, and nodded slightly as he grinned. “Well, dumb is certainly the key word there.”

I smiled, starting to relax now, and he gave a small shrug. “They're okay, it's just frustrating sometimes.”

“I bet, I remember what I was like in middle school, I was a dick.”

Matteo tilted his head slightly and his smile turned playful. “I can't imagine you being a dick. You just..seem sweet.”

“You've only known me for like an hour!” I pointed out, giggling as I lifted my glass again, finally feeling at home in Matteo's easy company. Making people laugh and smile had always made me feel at ease. 

“Yeah, but...I dunno..”

I took a long drink from my coke and set it down again carefully. “I don't think I'm a dick anymore, I'll give you that.”

Matteo shrugged and leaned forward slightly. “I suppose time will tell. Did you enjoy the group?”

I sighed and looked down at the table, fiddling with a hangnail on my thumb while he finished off his beer. “I'll be honest, I was hoping it would be more helpful than it was. I'm going to give it a few more weeks, though, and I'm going to see if I can save up enough to pay for a counselor. Um..I have to see a psychiatrist every other month, and that's expensive.”

“What's that for, if you don't mind me asking?”

I swallowed and looked up at Matteo's kind eyes, making a split second decision that put me back on edge, my hands trembling as I folded them once more. “I have schizophrenia. It's...mild, it's not um. It's not like in the movies, and I'm managing it with medication, but y’know...it's all expensive, even after insurance. The medication, the doctor's visits, it adds up.”

“I get that,” Matteo nodded slowly, not really reacting to what I'd said at all. Most people at least looked surprised or uncomfortable for a moment or two, some had even looked disgusted, hence why I didn't usually tell strangers. But Matteo just seemed calm and unbothered, as if I'd told him I had a cold. “I have a cousin who has schizophrenia, but she has to have a live-in nurse to help her get through her day, and that adds up very quickly.”

“Yeah, I'm glad I don't have to have anything like that. I still sometimes get symptoms even on my meds, but they're really easy to ignore. Trouble is, my son's father uses it against me, y'know? When I tried to get custody of him again a few years back, he just kept going on and on about how unstable I am, despite the fact that I've had the same job for three years, I'm in a stable relationship, I'm being managed by a team and I have good medication, and...yeah, because I'm...y'know. Sick or however they wanna put it, they won't consider me.”

Matteo sighed and nodded slowly, turning his beer glass on the table with his long fingers. “It's appalling the way omegas are treated by the law,” he said quietly, and my eyes widened immediately, sudden fear jolting through me. He must have noticed my silence, as he looked up and smiled slightly. “I have an exceptionally good sense of smell. My mom calls me a bloodhound sometimes.”

I swallowed and turned my head away sharply, not wanting to look at him anymore, not wanting him to look at me, either. “I don't like to...to talk about it.”

“Okay, I'm sorry,” Matteo said immediately, leaning across the table to touch my hand gently, his skin warm against mine. “Hey. I won't bring it up again.”

I forced myself not to jerk my hand away and looked up at him slowly, my heart still beating a little faster as my eyes met his. “Thank you..”

“No problem,” he smiled, leaning back again, but not all the way, as if he was less sure of himself now. “You said you get to see him once a month, right?”

“Yeah, I get an hour with him on the first weekend of every month.”

Matteo stared at me for a tense moment. “An _hour_?”

“Yeah,” I mumbled, looking down at the table again and playing with the little puddle of condensation around the bottom of my glass. 

“That's nothing!”

“It isn't,” I sighed, starting to feel my throat tighten as I rubbed the side of my nose. “I only get it because I beg his father for it, and I'm...I'm so scared one day he's just not going to show up..”

I buried my face in my hands quickly and Matteo got up hurriedly, pushing me along the booth gently so he could sit next to me and wrap his arm around my shoulders. “Hey, hey, it's okay,” he murmured, and I leaned into his warm side, taking a few deep breaths until my emotions were back under control and I could finally drop my hands back into my lap.

“I'm sorry, I just...I don't talk about it very often, so it all comes out at once, you know?” I said quietly, my embarrassment fading as I realised he was still holding me loosely, his touch gentle and careful. 

“Yeah, I understand,” Matteo replied, smiling sadly as he rubbed my shoulder soothingly. “I'm sorry you have to go through all that. I'm here if you ever need to talk, okay?”

I nodded slowly, forcing a small smile and watching him get up and sit back down across from me, leaning his elbows on the table. 

“Let's talk about something else. Do you have any pets?”

I took one last deep breath and forced myself to relax, and to stop thinking about everything outside of that shitty bar. “No, I really want to get a cat, but my boyfriend is allergic to them, so he denied that motion.”

Matteo's smile went a bit stiff for a second, then he leaned back slightly, nodding. “I can see how that would be difficult.”

“What about you?”

He took a deep breath and shook his head slightly as he let the air out in a slow sigh. “No, no, I'm allergic to quite a few things too, I'm just really bad at thinking of questions to ask people.”

My phone buzzed suddenly, vibrating along the table towards me by a few millimeters. I picked it up hurriedly and read the text, my grip on the phone tightening unconsciously.

_Nathan, 20:38_

_I want you home now._

I set my phone down again quietly, looking up at Matteo. “I'm really sorry, I have to go..”

“Is everything okay?” He asked quickly, getting up when I did and picking his coat up as I slipped mine on. He was watching me with concern, standing slightly closer to me than normal. I took an unconscious half step back and zipped my coat up quickly, shoving my hands in the pockets to pull it tighter across my shoulders and make me feel just that little bit safer. 

“Yeah, I just...have to go.”

“Can I get your number first? I'd really like to meet up again, this was really fun.”

I stared at him for a second, then nodded slightly and took his phone as he offered it to me. I typed my number in quickly and smiled at him nervously, my stomach already churning at the thought of Nathan finding out where I'd been. “I'll see you again soon, Matteo.”

“Good, have a good night.”

“You too..”


	2. Chapter Two

I unlocked the front door and slipped inside, kicking my shoes off and hanging my coat up. I could hear the TV playing some sports game and heaved a long sigh before I walked into the living room, already dreading what I would find. 

Nathan was sitting on the couch, his sharp blue eyes fixed on the TV and his feet up on the coffee table. He was surrounded by four empty beer cans and several empty crisp packets, so I leaned over and kissed his cheek dutifully, then began to clean up, picking up the cans and turning to head towards the kitchen without a word. 

“Hey, you going in the kitchen?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Fetch me a snack,” he slurred, then slapped my ass as I walked off. I rolled my eyes in vague irritation and tossed the cans in the recycling, then got the bread out of the cupboard. My hands shook slightly as I placed two slices of bread on a plate, smoothing grape jelly on one slice and peanut butter on the other before putting them together. I put the jars back away, then carried the plate into the living room, handing it to Nathan before sitting down in the armchair and leaning back.

I stared at the TV disinterestedly, watching the men in padded jerseys running around and slamming into one another. “Can we watch something else, Nathan?” 

“No, I'm watching this one.”

“Nathan I know for a fact you hate this team.” 

“Yeah, I wanna see them get beat!” He chuckled around a mouthful of sandwich, then glanced at me meaningfully. “Just because you're an omega doesn't mean you can't learn to appreciate sport.” 

“I appreciate it, I understand that these people have to have skills and be athletic, it just doesn't interest me,” I argued patiently, knowing that I was going to lose whatever I said. I never won a debate with Nathan. 

“You can't appreciate something without enjoying it.” 

“Get a dictionary.” 

“Get a life.” 

Nathan flipped me off and I sighed, getting up from the armchair and heading past him. “I'm going to go sleep, I'm tired.” 

“Okay, baby. I'll be up once this is over.” 

 

I yawned, slipping my shirt off and climbing into bed, then grabbing my phone off the side to check it. 

_ Unknown, 21:14 _

_ Hey, this is Matteo. I really enjoyed meeting you today, do you have any time over the weekend? I found talking to you really calming and I need some more of that in my life right now. _

I smiled to myself and set my phone aside, promising myself I'd answer it in the morning. I rolled over and turned the light out, nuzzling the pillows as I tried to get comfy under the warm covers. Eventually, the noise of the TV subsided and I heard footsteps on the stairs instead. Light flooded into the bedroom from the hallway as Nathan opened the door, then closed it behind him carefully. 

“Kieran?” 

“Mm?” 

“You awake?” 

“Yes..” 

I heard him walk over to the bed, his hand stroking over my cheek a little unsteadily before he kissed me sloppily, grinning against my lips. He climbed onto the bed, still kissing me as he unzipped his jeans and pulled his cock out, stroking up and down it slowly. 

“God, I want you,” he grunted, starting to rub me through the blankets, barely managing to find my actual crotch, he was so drunk. I pushed at his chest lightly, whining, although my hands were shaking slightly and I was tensing to move away in case he got angry.  

“Nathan, I don't want to, please stop.”  

“N-no, I gotta-” 

“Go jerk yourself off,” I muttered, shoving his side and unbalancing him enough for him to sit back on his knees. 

“Aren't omegas supposed to be the horny ones?” He groaned, then slid off the bed and padded into the bathroom, shutting the door a little harder than necessary behind him. I sighed and settled back into the pillows, closing my eyes slowly and trying to relax. 

 

Nathan wasn't in the house when I woke up the next morning, so I got up and showered in peace, then sent a quick text to Matteo. 

_ Sent 10:23 _

_ Hey Matteo, I'm actually free today, would you maybe want to get lunch?  _

I wandered downstairs and threw some bread in the toaster, pressing the lever down just as my phone buzzed. 

_ Matteo, 10:29 _

_ That would be great. 12 at the diner on first street?  _

 

I slid into a booth at 11:50 and asked the waitress for a water, then ran a hand through my messy, dirty blond hair nervously. 

My phone buzzed and I grabbed at it with shaking hands, then sighed when I realised it was a work call, answering it quickly. 

“Hey Kieran!” My boss, Andy, half-shouted. He was a pleasant man and very friendly, but his voice was deep and booming and had little in the way of volume control. “How's it going?” 

“Uh, yeah, it's good, Andy,” I said quietly, my eyes widening slightly as I saw Matteo slipping into the restaurant, glancing around and finally spotting me. His shoulders dropped slightly as he relaxed and began to walk towards me, already smiling to himself. 

“I've got this new band just signed, they need help with booking their first tour, I told them you'd meet with them on Monday before that other meeting you have.” 

“Oh fuck, okay, I'll shuffle my schedule. Was um...was that all, Andy, I'm kind of in the middle of something..” 

“Oh yeah, your bonus for helping me get that other artist to sign is in the mail, alright? I just thought you should know.”

“That's great, Andy, thanks.” 

“I'll let you get back to your day, I'll see you on Monday!” 

Matteo sat down across from me, smiling at me brightly as he leaned back against the back of the booth. He was wearing a silky matte black shirt and tight jeans that looked like they'd been painted on, and despite myself, I had to admit that he looked rather attractive. 

“Everything okay?” 

“Oh, yeah, that was just my boss,” I said quickly, tucking my phone away. “Sorry. How are you doing today?” 

“I'm okay, glad we got to meet,” Matteo smiled, but there was something in his eyes that wasn't quite right. 

“You don't look okay, do you wanna talk about anything?” 

He blinked and then sighed, looking down at the table and scratching at a mark on it with his fingernail. “It's the anniversary of my partner's death today..” 

I stared at him for a second, then swallowed hard and forced myself to do something, anything. “I'm...I'm sorry. What...what happened?” 

Matteo shifted his gaze to the window, staring out of it without really seeing anything. “He was shot at university, we were both in classes that day and a gunman went into his class and shot him.” 

His voice was flat and emotionless, his jaw clenching when he'd finished. 

“Oh. I'm...I'm really sorry, how long were you guys dating?” 

“Five years. From when we were seventeen to twenty-two. He was...he was my mate and we had been bonded for over four years when he died.” 

I reached out for Matteo's hand, but he jerked it away quickly, closing his eyes as he folded his hands in his lap instead. 

“Sorry, I...I need a second,” he mumbled, getting up abruptly and heading off to the back of the diner, where the toilets were. I sighed and looked down at the table, guilt writhing in the pit of my stomach as I told myself over and over that I needed to be more sensitive, that I should have known not to bring it up again. 

Matteo came back to the table after about five minutes, rescuing me from agonised overthinking as he sat down slowly and smiled at me weakly. “Now we're even.” 

“What do you mean?” I asked quietly, staring at him in confusion, my train of thought brought to a sudden halt. 

“Well now we've both made each other almost cry in a public place.” 

I hesitated for a second, then giggled softly, the guilt and panic fading slowly as he grinned at me. “Yeah, I'm sorry.”

“Don't worry about it. I need to keep working on being able to talk about him, it's something I still struggle with a lot.”

“That's fair enough. Do you um...do you know what you want? The waitress came over while you were in the bathroom.” 

“Oh, yeah. I always get the same thing here.”

I nodded slightly, looking down at the menu again hurriedly. “I have no idea what to get, I honestly haven't looked.”

“If it helps, I always get the three pancakes with a side of bacon and hashbrowns.” 

I smiled to myself and shook my head slightly. “That sounds like too much food for me.” 

“You can get one pancake on its own if you want.” 

“You're obsessed with breakfast for lunch, aren't you?” 

“It's a weekend,” Matteo grinned, leaning back in the booth and letting his hands drop into his lap. “If you go out for lunch at the weekend, it's an obligation to get breakfast food.” 

“If you say so,” I chuckled, looking up as the waitress walked over again, getting her pad out of her pocket. 

“I do say so, I just did.”

He smiled at the waitress and ordered his food, then looked over at me expectantly. I glanced down at the menu once more and smiled to myself, then ordered the chicken strips and fries just to annoy him. 

As she walked away, he shook his head disapprovingly, sighing heavily. “I thought I taught you better than this, Kieran.” 

I grinned and leaned back in my seat, stifling a yawn. “I don't like doing what I'm told.” 

Matteo raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again and just smiled. “I can see that.” 

I blinked at him, suddenly tense and uncomfortable. 

“What were you going to say?” 

He shifted, biting the inside of his cheek and looking away. “It was a joke that you wouldn't have found very funny, Kieran.”

“What do you mean?” I pressed quietly, curiosity and discomfort fighting for space in my brain. 

“When I was with Joey, we would joke around a lot about alpha and omega dynamics, and it's something that comes automatically to me, but I know that even just the word makes you uncomfortable, so..” 

I looked down, nodding slightly and trying to push away the rising embarrassment. “Yeah...thank you, for paying attention and remembering. People just...most people don't understand and they don't respect that I get embarrassed and it hurts me.” 

Matteo reached over, brushing his hand against mine and making me shiver slightly. “Hey. Don't worry about it, okay? You deserve basic human decency.” 

I smiled slightly and gave a small shrug, not quite meeting his gaze just yet. “Most people don't see it that way.” 

“Then most people are stupid.” 

I took a deep breath and forced myself to relax, taking a sip of my water while Matteo stared out of the window again. 

He looked back at me suddenly, as if he'd been thinking deeply about something and had only just formulated the question. “You said you had your son at seventeen, right?” 

I nodded slowly, smiling uncertainly as I set my glass down again. “Yeah. I...got pregnant when I was sixteen.” 

“Did you...were you dating his father at the time?”

I stared at him for a second, then turned my head away sharply. “I know what you're asking and the answer is yes.” 

“You had your child without consent?”

“Yes,” I said quickly, almost before he'd finished the gentle question. 

There was a heavy pause and then he sighed deeply. “It's common, isn't it?”

“Not as bad as it used to be,” I mumbled, and Matteo nodded slightly, looking down. 

“That doesn't mean it won't keep getting better.” 

“I hope so,” I murmured, starting to calm down and let go of the memories as he rested his hand next to mine. 

“I'm sorry I keep making you so uncomfortable,” Matteo muttered, brushing his thumb over my knuckles. “I seem to be really good at it.” 

I cracked a small smile and finally met his dark, deep brown gaze. “Most things make me uncomfortable, I think that's part of the problem.” 

He smiled back and suddenly his hand was gone and he was tilting his head to the side. “What can we talk about that's not uncomfortable for you?” 

“Uh, can I ask a question that might make you uncomfortable?” 

Matteo grinned and nodded slowly. “I think I owe you one. We should start a tally.” 

I laughed softly, biting my lip lightly before I spoke. “You have lovely tan skin, and your name...you're Hispanic?” 

His eyes softened slightly and he smiled, folding his hands in his lap. “Latino, my mother and father were both Mexican and they moved here before I was born.” 

“That's interesting, did you ever go back to Mexico to visit family and things?” I asked eagerly, glad to be on a topic that was both interesting and devoid of anything to do with omegas. 

Matteo's smile didn't fade exactly, but the expression in his eyes became dull. “They were deported when I was six months old and I was put up for adoption.” 

“Oh..I'm sorry, I didn't mean-” 

“No, no, it's okay,” Matteo said quickly, waving a hand vaguely. “I'm not really torn up about it or anything, it was such a long time ago. I just...I don't usually tell people until I've known them for a while, that's why I was hesitant. I'm adopted, I have a really loving family and an older brother, I'm all good.” 

I managed a small smile and nodded, relaxing slightly. “Do you get on well with him? I always used to wish I had a sibling.” 

Matteo chuckled and took a long drink from his coffee mug before he went on. “Yeah, yeah, we get on great. He's the biological son of my parents, but it's just...it's easy, it's been easy since I was a baby. My parents are great.” 

“I'm really glad everything turned out well for you.” 

“Me too, unsurprisingly,” he chuckled, looking up as the waitress set our plates down. “Thank you.”

I thanked her quietly as well and watched her walk away, lost in thought for a moment. 

“Kieran?”

“Mm?” I snapped my head back to Matteo and he grinned. 

“Hey. You okay?”

“Yeah, just thinking, sorry.”

 

We didn't talk too much while we ate, but Matteo asked me a few more questions about my job and told me a couple stories about his students. It was nice to have a conversation with someone even more chatty than me, for once, and I expressed this to him, to his apparent surprise. 

“Really? No offense, but you seem quite quiet to me.” 

I shrugged and poked the last fry around on my plate with my fork. “Yeah, talking is a lot of what I do for my job, it's all about having that good relationship and so I have to be good at chatting and making people happy and resolving problems.” 

“Well, I can believe you're good at making people happy and resolving problems, but I wouldn't have pinned you down as exceptionally chatty.” 

I shrugged and put my fork down slowly, looking at him and taking in his slightly wonky half smile and teasing expression. “I think it's easier when it's my job. I'm sort of this persona, I guess, for the company, and artists are usually pretty easy to talk to, they always wanna tell you all about themselves and talk about music. I can do that.” 

“Shall I tell you all about myself and the very little I know about music, then?” 

I chuckled and shook my head slowly. “I'm enjoying having a human conversation, I'm convinced musicians aren't real people. They're part of the matrix and they're designed to make me want to rip out all my hair in frustration daily.” 

Matteo laughed and looked at me with a bright interest in his eyes that I rarely saw anymore. “Well, if they weren't horrible, no one would hire you to handle them, would they?” 

“That's a very good point,” I grinned, nodding slightly and basking in the warmth of his attention. “Very true.” 

Matteo suddenly glanced at his watch and then back at me. “Have you thought any more about the group?”

“No, not really,” I said simply, pushing my plate away from me slightly and mentally shaking myself. “I'm still planning on going a few more times to see how it goes.” 

“You should, it took me a few weeks to start to really get into it and talking and everything.” 

I nodded slightly, taking a deep breath and forcing a smile. “It's going to be hard, but I definitely feel like it's worth trying. All the people seem really nice and I know I need to talk about my son more often, even though it hurts.” 

“Yeah, it's always good to talk about everything, it's easier to remember the good times if you keep talking about them, y’know?” 

“Yep. I just wish it was easier.” 

“Don't we all.” 


	3. Chapter Three

I spent the next two weeks getting to know Matteo and chatting to him over text when we weren't getting coffee or having drinks. It felt great to get a break from feeling cooped up in the house, and Matteo was always cheerful and ready to talk, unlike Nathan. 

I didn't go to the support group for those two weeks, though, as I had commitments at work on the first Friday, and then Nathan had to leave for the weekend early on Saturday the second week and had told me he wanted me home. 

I climbed into bed with him after watching some shitty action movie and rolled over, already exhausted. He ran his hand over my side slowly, then gripped my hip, his fingertips digging into my skin through my boxers. 

“Hey baby,” he murmured from behind me, his breath moving my hair and making me sigh softly. He took his hand off my hip and grabbed my wrist instead, pressing over my scent gland slowly just as he pressed his face into my neck, nuzzling my other sensitive spot. I whined quietly, feeling my body change, relaxing underneath him as he slowly rolled me onto my back. 

Nathan climbed up onto my hips, leaning down to kiss me, his thumbs stroking over my cheeks just before he ran his hands down to my neck, pressing down heavily on my pressure points, enough to make me moan softly and feel my cock twitch in my underwear. 

“Nathan, I'm tired,” I mumbled weakly, trying to push his hands away without making him angry. “Please..” 

“But I'm leaving for the whole weekend, I'm going to miss you so badly,” he whined, pouting down at me childishly. I sighed and managed to slip out from under him, walking myself downstairs and curling up on the sofa instead. I turned the TV on and flinched slightly when I heard the bedroom door slam upstairs, but quickly relaxed back into the cushions, rubbing over my neck lightly. I didn't like the way he used my body against me, he always used my scent glands to make me aroused, especially when he knew I didn't really want it. I'd been managing to resist it more lately, but it was still degrading and humiliating.

I sighed and curled up tighter, closing my eyes as the TV played some soothing nature documentary that easily sent me off to sleep. 

 

I knocked on the front door a little nervously and Matteo flung it open, quickly pulling me into a tight hug and then dragging me inside. A little surprised, I smiled to myself and kicked my shoes off as a little dog ran over to me, bouncing around my ankles. It was one of those yappy little ones with way too much hair that rich women put in handbags. 

“Did you remember to take some allergy meds?” Matteo asked worriedly as I hung my coat up, glancing over at him. 

“Yeah, I did, I'll be okay.” 

“Good, sorry you have to come here, anyway, but yeah, I gotta dog sit unfortunately..” 

“I can see that,” I chuckled, glancing around the hall and taking in the small house. It was cute and cosy, and as he led me into the living room, I realised it felt very much like Matteo. The walls were all painted in warm tones, like creams and rich browns and beiges. It should have been boring, but it felt homely and inviting, and all the furniture looked comfortable and well-loved. 

“I call this style shabby chic,” Matteo grinned, gesturing to the room as a whole. “Also known as hand me down city.” 

I chuckled and shrugged slightly, smiling back at him brightly. “Hey, it looks nice.” 

“Thanks, go ahead and sit down, do you want a drink?” 

“Could I have some water?”

“Of course.” 

Matteo slipped out and I walked over to the couch, sitting down slowly. The dog immediately jumped into my lap, so I gently picked it up and set it back down on the floor. “Go away, you'll make me sneeze.” 

The dog stared at me for a moment, then trotted off the way Matteo had gone. 

I got up after a minute or two and walked up to the mantelpiece, looking at the few framed photos that were scattered there. One was of what looked like his family, a woman with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes standing next to a dark skinned man with his arm wrapped around her and a huge smile on his face. The two boys were quite small, the older was about ten and was holding the hand of a much smaller boy that I figured must have been Matteo. I glanced along at the next picture and my eyes widened. It was a picture of a slightly younger Matteo, his fingers intertwined with another man's as he grinned at the camera. The other man was looking to the side slightly, but I could tell how attractive he was, his messy brown hair falling into his eyes as he smiled at whatever he was looking at off-camera. 

“That's Joey,” Matteo said quietly, and I jumped immediately, blushing as I turned. 

“Sorry, I-” 

“You're curious, it's okay,” he smiled, walking over to me from the doorway and handing me a glass of water.

“He was really handsome,” I smiled, and Matteo's smile turned a little sad as he nodded.

“Yeah, I think he was out of my league to be honest.” 

“No, definitely not,” I said without thinking, and felt the blush get worse. “I think you were well suited.”

Matteo took a deep breath and forced a smile, moving towards the sofa. “Let's talk about something else.”

I followed his lead and we both sat down on the couch, Matteo leaning back immediately and turning to face me slightly. “How have you been?” 

I thought back to last night and just sighed, slight nausea rising in my stomach. “I've been okay. Missing my son as usual, but work has been hectic and it's keeping me busy.” 

“That's good, do you feel a little more balanced lately?” 

“Yeah, I do. I probably shouldn't admit this, but you're the first friend I've had in a long time and I think just having someone else to talk to and be around is doing me a lot of good.” 

“I'm glad I make you feel better,” Matteo said sincerely, leaning over to rub my shoulder. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, listening to the rain drumming on the roof and allowing myself to relax into Matteo's touch. 

“I love my boyfriend, but he's not very present sometimes,” I said quietly, opening my eyes again to see Matteo watching me worriedly, his hand still on my shoulder. “It's hard to talk to him about things.” 

“I'm sorry,” he murmured, shifting a little closer to me. “That's never fun in a relationship..” 

I swallowed hard, suddenly starting to feel much more emotional than usual, the tears welling up in my eyes as intense sadness curled through me. “I-I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm crying,” I chuckled, wiping the tears away quickly as they fell. “Sometimes this just happens.” 

Matteo smiled sadly and nodded, running his hand halfway down my back. “Yeah, Joey used to get like this sometimes, just crying over nothing. Do you need a hug?” 

“N-no, I'm okay, thank you,” I smiled, sniffling while the tears kept coming, rolling down my cheeks as I laughed softly. “I hate this.” 

Matteo squeezed my shoulder, rubbing his thumb over my skin slowly. “It's okay, Kieran, it just happens sometimes, right? Take a deep breath.” 

I managed to calm myself down after closing my eyes and taking a few long, deep breaths, and smiled at Matteo shakily when I opened my eyes again. “I'm sorry..” 

“Don't be, it's okay. You sound like you have a lot going on right now and sometimes things just get on top of you, right?”  

I nodded slightly and thunder rolled outside as Matteo handed me a soft blanket with a concerned smile. “You look a bit cold.” 

I accepted the blanket with a soft thank you and quickly wrapped myself up in it, shifting so I was curled up on the couch, my knees pressed into my chest and the side of my body leaning against the back of the sofa. 

“You still seem upset, hon,” Matteo murmured as I settled into the cushions. 

“Yeah, I'm a little embarrassed I guess,” I sighed, looking away slightly so I didn't have to see his worried expression.

“Don't be, it's okay. Just relax, alright? I'm your friend, I'm not judging you all the time.” 

I chuckled softly, willing the once again rising tears down as I stared at him. “That's all every alpha I've ever met does.” 

Matteo tilted his head, looking at me seriously. “How do you mean?” 

I looked down at my hands, picking at the skin around my thumbnail absentmindedly. “I..I'm not really...I don't know. I'm not a very submissive omega, and I guess alphas don't like that much. I...every alpha I've ever met has always made some kind of comment about me. That I'm too short or not fit enough or too pale or that my eyes are ugly or that I'm too loud or too quiet or too..I don't know.” I trailed off, heaving a huge sigh and looking up at Matteo, who was watching me with wide eyes. 

“I haven't said any of that stuff, have I?” 

I shook my head slowly, looking down again sharply. “No, you haven't...I just..maybe it's not every alpha, but it feels like it. I'm never good enough.” 

Matteo was suddenly in front of me, rubbing my shoulders and smiling at me sadly. “Hey. Look at me. Kieran, I think you're a wonderful person. You're kind and sweet and you...you're always positive about things and you care so much about other people. You're handsome, okay? I love your eyes, they're almost grey instead of blue and they're so interesting. Please don't listen to them, they're all stupid. Alphas are dumb, Kieran. I should know, I am one.” 

I started to laugh quietly and the laughing quickly turned into crying as more thunder rolled over the house. Matteo just sighed and handed me a tissue from his pocket. 

“I promise I haven't used it,” he chuckled as I took it carefully, drying my eyes quickly. 

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,” I mumbled, forcing myself to take deep breaths and feeling the blush creeping up my cheeks. “I just can't stop crying tonight.” 

He smiled and rubbed my knee lightly, watching me as I wiped my nose on the tissue. “That's okay, hon. That's what I'm here for, I'm your friend.” 

I looked at him and a fresh round of tears spilled down my cheeks slowly. “I haven't had a friend in a really long time.”

“Well now you do. How about we watch some dumb kids’ film to cheer you up? We keep trying to talk and ending up on really deep subjects.”

I giggled and nodded slightly, pulling the blanket tighter around me as Matteo turned on the TV. The news came up immediately and he hummed to himself. “I just wanna watch the weather.” 

“Okay.” 

I watched with him, starting to feel a little sleepy as the news anchor droned on and on. I woke up a little, though, at the words ‘severe weather warning’ and looked up at the TV again sharply. 

“If you're out tonight, you might want to stay out, this storm has really settled in and it's already flooded several parts of highway 90. A lot of back roads have been flooded, so if you do have to travel, be very careful and don't drive into deep water. The storm should pass during the night and the roads should be clear by about midday tomorrow, as we're due some sunshine after the storm.” 

I looked over at Matteo in panic and he smiled at me calmly, switching over to Netflix. “I guess I better get some more blankets for the couch, huh?”

“Only if it's not too much trouble, I can probably-” 

“You're not going anywhere,” Matteo assured me gently, but firmly. “There will be loads of stupid people around doing stupid things and you could very easily get hurt. You're sleeping on the couch, I'd offer you my spare room, but it's full of boxes.” 

“Thank you, I don't mind the couch,” I said quietly, glancing up as lightning flashed through the windows. “That was close by.”  

“Yeah, it was. Are you scared of storms?” Matteo asked, looking back at me with a slight half smile. 

“Not really, I find it hard to sleep, but I don't get panic attacks or anything.” 

“That's good. Do you wanna help me pick a movie?”


	4. Chapter Four

Matteo and I watched a couple movies before we eventually called it a night, and I fell asleep surprisingly quickly on his couch, curled up in borrowed sweatpants under thick, cosy blankets. 

I woke up in the middle of the night, however, and rolled over, yawning before freezing up completely. There was a familiar uncomfortable feeling around my trousers, warm and wet, and my sweats were already soaked through. My cock was straining at my boxers, fully hard and aching for attention. I whimpered, grabbing at the blankets and flinging them away from myself quickly. The wet patch around me had even soaked into the sofa, so I scrambled up quickly, my hands shaking as I ran into the kitchen. I grabbed some paper towels and ran back to the sofa, trying to press down on the stain as my whole body started to tremble. I began to sob softly, aching to be touched and frantic with panic. 

_ Matteo is going to see this and he's going to be so angry. He's going to think you're pathetic scum and it's going to be so  _ fucking _ humiliating.  _

I heard a door open and close upstairs and sobbed even harder, feeling my sweats get even more soaked as the heady smell of an alpha washed over me. There were footsteps on the stairs and Matteo called out softly. “Kieran?” 

He stepped into the living room and gasped, then inhaled deeply. I looked up at him in blind panic, trying not to choke on my sobs. 

“I-I'm sorry! It was an accident, I'm so sorry!” 

Matteo's eyes clouded, but he blinked a few times and walked over to me, gently taking the paper towels from me, apparently not noticing me flinching away from him. “Hey. Look at me. It's okay. It's an old couch and it'll dry out. Okay? Deep breaths, it's not your fault.” 

I watched him in complete shock as he walked around and knelt down in front of me, his sweet, overpowering smell washing over me again as my cock twitched and ached, leaking precum to add to the already huge mess. 

“It's okay, it's okay,” Matteo soothed, smiling as he reached out slowly and rested his hand on my cheek. I immediately forgot my tears, his touch burning me, setting my whole body on fire as I grabbed at his wrist. 

“A-alpha! P-please! Please please please, I  _ need  _ you, I need to be filled, please!” 

Matteo drew back in surprise and I crawled towards him, my mind completely empty except for one thing, the  _ desire.  _ Everything in me ached for him, my cock was desperate to be touched, my hole desperate to be filled. I  _ needed _ him. 

“Y-you're not claimed, are you?” he asked, shocked as I grabbed at him, tugging at his arms and shirt. I shook my head, grinning up at him as I kept leaking, feeling the wet heat running down the inside of my thighs now. 

“No, I'm all yours alpha, all yours, please!” 

I yelped as he suddenly snarled, slamming me back onto the floor, his hands pinning my wrists above my head as he nosed at my neck, drawing in my scent. I looked down and saw his own cock swelling, making his pajama pants tent around his erection as I moaned, trying to buck up into him, to get any kind of friction at all. 

“Fuck!” 

The weight was suddenly lifted and Matteo was standing up, shaking his head quickly, clenching and unclenching his fists over and over. “Fuck, _fuck_..”

“A-alpha!” I whined from below him, bucking up into the air desperately, still completely overcome with my heat. Matteo smiled at me sadly, then bent down and lifted me up, setting me down on the couch again carefully. 

“Shhh, Kieran, shh, I'm not going to fuck you,” he murmured, stroking my hair slowly as he crouched down next to the sofa. “I'm going to go and run you a bath to clean off and then get you some clean sweatpants, okay? I think I have some pills somewhere that'll calm you down a bit, I'll go find those..” 

Barely any of this got through the haze of endless  _ wanting _ , needing, but I lay still on the couch as he walked off, his scent finally fading until I could breathe properly again, my heat subsiding slightly. I closed my eyes tightly, my hands shaking as I realised I'd been  _ begging  _ him for it, a man I barely knew. I'd been ready to take him and get pregnant all over again, and the feeling was horrifying. I must have looked so ridiculous and stupid, and I didn't understand why he hadn't just taken me. I wasn't claimed or bonded, so I was an easy target, and I had been asking for it over and over, and was so pathetically wet and ready. I clenched my teeth, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes again as I glared up at the ceiling, willing the heat to go away, wishing I could just snap my fingers and no longer feel any of this. 

Matteo's scent washed over me again and my mind went back to being blank as he leaned down and helped me up. 

“Alpha,” I whined, grabbing onto his hand tightly, digging my nails into his skin. “I need you, I want you. Fill me up, please! Breed with me, I  _ need _ to be touched!” 

“You'll be okay,” Matteo soothed, helping me up the stairs slowly, his arm around my waist. “You don't need me, hon. You need to get clean and then rest, come on.” 

I tried to pull him back as he pushed me into the bathroom, but he smiled at me sadly, gently shoving me away from him. “Take the pills on the side, hon, okay? There's clean clothes and a nice warm bath for you.” 

He shut the door behind him and as his scent faded again, I collapsed on the floor, burying my face in my hands as I started to sob. I couldn't believe what I'd done, I was absolutely mortified and my cock was still hard and heavy between my legs, crying out for attention every time I moved. 

I tugged my sweatpants down angrily, kicking them off before kneeling on the tiled floor, wrapping my hand around myself and feeling the intense heat under my skin. I started to stroke slowly and leaned behind me, unceremoniously pushing two fingers into my wet, eager hole. The stretch was nowhere near enough and my entire body cried out for more, but I still came in under a minute, splattering the tiles with my cum and letting out a relieved sigh. I got up shakily and washed my hands, then took the pills I'd been given and cleaned up the mess on the floor. By the time I got into the tub, I was already hard again, my cock brushing against my stomach and sending electric pulses up my spine as I curled up, hugging my knees. 

I tried to focus on the warmth of the water and the sound of the bubbles popping around me, but my heat was still ramping up, and it was driving me insane. 

And I couldn't keep away the little niggling thought at the back of my mind.  _ Why didn't he take me?  _

 

I went back downstairs eventually, when the pills had started to kick in and my erection had begun to flag. I had also put on an extra pair of boxer briefs to see if that would hold it down a bit, and it appeared to be helping somewhat. 

Matteo was in the kitchen when I went in, and he looked up to smile at me. “Hey, hon. How are you feeling?” 

I felt the blush already rising and looked down, shoving my hands in my pockets awkwardly. I could still smell him, his scent thick and heavy in my nostrils, but I could breathe through it now. “I'm okay. These um..pills are really good.” 

“Yeah, Joey used to use them when he got surprise heats during exam periods. They're not as good as suppressants, but they make it manageable. Here.” 

He handed me a mug of steaming tea, smiling slightly. “That should make you feel a bit calmer as well. Does it hurt at all?” 

“Not yet,” I said quietly, still not quite meeting his gaze. “That'll probably start by the morning.” 

“I can drive you home in the morning,” Matteo said firmly, walking over to me and reaching up to touch my cheek, then thinking better of it and pushing his hand into his pocket instead. “You're in no state to drive.” 

I sighed heavily and he gently nudged the mug. “Come sit down, hon. You look exhausted.” 

I obeyed quietly, walking to the couch and curling up away from the wet spot. I started to sip at the odd-smelling tea uncertainly, but it tasted of mint and chamomile and sugar, nothing like the way it smelled. 

“Is it okay? It's been in my cupboard for three years, but it said it expires next month.” 

“It's a little weird, but it is making me feel better,” I admitted softly, pulling my knees up to hide my still deflating erection as he sat down in the armchair. 

“Can I ask you something, Matteo?”

“Of course, hon,” he smiled, his eyes gentle and caring as he watched me. 

“You had me on the floor, I was begging you...a-and you didn't...you didn't take me.” 

Matteo nodded slightly, looking down at his lap. “When I first met Joey, we were really young and stupid, and we were really good friends before we started dating. He got his first heat when he was seventeen and I went to go see him after school because he hadn't shown up that day and I was worried about him. He got down on his knees and begged and begged and I fucked him. We were both wild with lust and desire and when I left, he called me up crying and completely distraught, calling himself pathetic and stupid and begging me not to stop being friends with him and not to come over again because he couldn't control himself as soon as he could smell me.” 

Matteo sighed and rubbed the side of his nose, still not looking up as his cheeks colored slightly. “Obviously that turned out okay and the next heat he had we spent all four days of it in bed together, but...I have never forgotten how upset he was. I thought he wanted it because he was begging, but once an omega is in heat, you just...you  _ can't _ know whether what they want is real. You have to get consent first otherwise it doesn't count. Not legally of course, but morally. God, it's hard to resist, but...I've learned. Joey wasn't responsive to actual suppressants, they made him very sick, so I learned to control myself around him. I didn't want to hurt you..” 

I sniffed, looking down into the depths of my mug and feeling the tears prick at the corners of my eyes once again. “Thank you...I...I'm so embarrassed.” 

“Hey, don't be,” Matteo soothed, getting up and walking over to sit next to me. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah, but no touching please.” 

“Of course,” he murmured, turning slightly to face me. “Kieran, it's a natural process and a natural reaction. You're not pathetic or whatever and you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Your heat is a gift, a gift so you can bear children and form a beautiful bond with your mate, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. I promise you, hon.” 

I looked up at him and my vision blurred suddenly, the tears spilling down my cheeks before I could stop them. “Thank you,” I whispered shakily. “Thank you so much..” 

“I'm your friend, Kieran,” Matteo smiled, his voice firm but kind. “It's my job to look after you.” 

“My boyfriend...he just...he takes me as soon as I go into heat,” I mumbled, a fresh round of tears joining the first as I looked away at the floor. “He doesn't...he doesn't ask first or anything, he just...he makes me stay home and he comes back during lunch to take me and I don't..” I shifted my gaze back to Matteo desperately and he frowned, rubbing my knee through the blanket. 

“That's not right, Kieran, you need to talk to him, okay hon? Promise me after this heat you'll talk to him?” 

I nodded slightly, swallowing hard as I closed my eyes. “I...it's so hard, Matteo. It hurts.”

“What does, hon? Can I help?” 

I looked at him again and tapped my chest lightly. “It hurts in here...I love him, Matteo. But he just...he doesn't understand..” 

Matteo sighed and reached over, stroking my hair slowly. This time, I didn't feel the desire or the heat, and so I fell into his chest, sniffling as he hugged me tightly. “I've got you, Kieran, it's okay. Shh.” 

I lay in his arms for a while, my face pressed against his shoulder as he held me, his chin resting on top of my head. 

“You need to try and get some more sleep,” he said softly, and I nodded slightly, starting to relax in his protective grip. He rocked me slowly, pressing a light kiss to the top of my head and squeezing me a little tighter as I slowly dropped off to sleep. 


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a fair warning, there's some non-con and some mild blood in this chapter :)

I woke to the smell of pancakes and a heavy, dull pain in my stomach. The pills were still stopping me from getting aroused, but they hadn't stopped the headache or the cramps.

I dragged myself up determinedly, wincing as the little dog ran in and started to bark at me.

“Shut up!” I snapped, and Matteo hurried in, quickly pushing me back down onto the blankets as I tried to stand up.

“No no no, sit down, hon,” he soothed, gently wrapping one of the blankets around me. “You look awful, let me get you some pain meds and some breakfast, okay?”

I nodded slowly, a little uncomfortable, but trying to let go of the discomfort. It had been so long since I was last taken care of like this during a heat, and it felt amazing to have gentle hands on me and a soothing voice in my ear.

I slouched back against the pillows, closing my eyes against the pain until Matteo came back, helping me take the pills and then rushing off to get me some pancakes. Once I had the plate in my hands and I could smell the food properly, I realised I was starving and began to eat hungrily, thanking Matteo over and over between mouthfuls. He just smiled and sat down next to me, rubbing my back slowly as he turned the TV on for some background noise.

I finished the pancakes in minutes and set the plate on the coffee table before curling up into Matteo's side. He grunted in surprise, but wrapped an arm around me quickly, rubbing my shoulder.

“Matteo?”

“Mmhm?”

“How come I can't smell you anymore?”

He changed the channel to the cartoon channel and sat back slowly, pulling me with him. “Those pills work for alphas too, they help me control myself and bring my scent down so I don't drive you crazy.”

“Wait...you-..you took medication for me?”

Matteo looked down at me, nodding slightly, his brows knitted together in confusion. “Of course. You feel better, don't you?”

“I feel almost normal, but..” I trailed off in disbelief, completely shocked. It was such a little thing, to take some pills, but I had never met an alpha who even cared about controlling themselves around omegas in heat, let alone would be willing to take medication to make an omega more comfortable. Matteo brushed his fingers down my cheek and I turned immediately, nuzzling his chest as I once again felt like I was going to cry.

“Thank you...thank you so so much..”

“Shh, hon, it's okay,” Matteo murmured, stroking my hair slowly as he held me to him tightly. “Don't start crying again, you're gonna set me off..”

I sniffed and looked up at him, blinking. “Why would you cry?”

He heaved a sigh and rested his hand on my cheek, his thumb running under my eye slowly. “Because I _hate_ meeting omegas who have been treated like this,” he said softly, his eyes already wet. “And it seems like every omega I meet is exactly the same. You're ashamed of your bodies and you expect nothing more than complete disrespect from alphas. It just...it makes me sad, hon, because you don't like yourself, and I think you're a wonderful person.”

I buried my face in his shirt again, my fingers curling against his skin as the pain in my stomach suddenly flared up, making me gasp and whine. Matteo sighed and began to rub my back slowly. “Come on. I'm gonna take you home, you probably wanna get in your nest and sleep, hmm?”

“I don't have a nest,” I mumbled, not lifting my head from his chest. “My boyfriend says it's just clutter.”

“Then I'll help you make one,” Matteo said firmly, gently pushing me away from him. “But we gotta go first, okay?”

I nodded slightly and dragged myself to my feet, whimpering as pain shot through my stomach and pounded behind my eyes. Matteo wrapped an arm around my waist and helped me to the door, putting my shoes and coat on for me and supporting me all the way out to his car. He even buckled the seatbelt for me, stroking my hair briefly before he closed the door.

I let my head loll against the window as he drove, the radio playing some shitty pop music fuzzily. He slapped it and it got clearer for a minute, then faded again. Matteo muttered something, and then reached over, his hand curling around my arm. I jumped, but let him touch me, his hand squeezing me gently.

“You okay, hon?”

“I feel sick..”

“Keep looking out the window, it's only ten more minutes,” he soothed, rubbing his thumb over my skin. “It'll pass when you're not in the car anymore.”

I nodded slightly and watched the world go by until Matteo finally parked the car and helped me out, half carrying me to the door. He took my keys from my hand gently and unlocked the front door, helping me up and into the house. I whined softly, leaning against the wall heavily while he helped me take my shoes off. “Sorry about the mess,” I mumbled, and he snorted.

“Don't worry about it, you should see my bedroom. Come on, I'll help you nest. Where do you want it?”

“I used to have one in the bedroom closet.”

“Alright..”

Matteo took my hand gently, pulling me into the living room. “Tell me what you want in there and I'll carry it upstairs for you, okay? I know you gotta make it yourself, but you don't look like you could carry a feather right now.”

 

It took several trips to get all the pillows and blankets I wanted piled up on the bed, but Matteo didn't seem to mind, joking with me when I tripped and always being there to help me if I stumbled. He even helped me move the heavy boxes out of the closet and then left me alone to make the nest.

Omega nests were private, usually small spaces that were safe and comfortable and above all, belonged solely to that omega. I used to have a nest in the house, but I had lied to Matteo. While it was true that my boyfriend had said it was too much clutter, the main reason he didn't want me to nest was because he wasn't allowed in that space. He would get angry at me every time I tried to get him to leave, and we would end up fighting endlessly, so one day he had just removed it all while I was at work and stacked the boxes in the way.

I was a little frightened of how he'd react when he came home and saw I'd rebuilt it, but I couldn't admit that to Matteo and the idea was so tempting. I shoved the cushions down first, filling the floor with them and then laying the blankets on top. I curled up in the nest experimentally and then huffed happily, pulling the blankets over me and settling down. After a while, there was a soft knock at the bedroom door and I looked up sharply. Matteo smiled at me from the doorway.

“Hey. You all done?”

“Oh..yeah, sorry, I was supposed to come back downstairs, right?”

“Yeah, but don't worry about it. I brought some things up..”

He carried the grocery bag into the bedroom and hesitated a couple paces from the closet. “Can I come over?”

I nodded quickly and he smiled, kneeling down next to my nest and unpacking the bag. There were biscuits and crisps and chocolate, and he set it all down beside me along with a bottle of coke and a huge bottle of water. “You have to drink plenty, okay? You're really dehydrated, and salt is good too.”

“You found all this in the kitchen?”

“Mhm, it was buried but it was there.”

“Thank you,” I purred, and he nodded slightly, reaching out to touch my shoulder.

“You look comfy, hon. I'm going to head home, okay? You gonna be alright?”

I yawned and nodded slightly, burrowing into my nest happily. “Yeah. Thank you...for everything.”

“It’s no problem, Kieran. You want this door shut?”

“Mm, about halfway. Thank you..”

“Alright,” he stood up, waving down at me. “Bye hon.”

Matteo carefully swung the door shut and I heard the front door open and shut behind him a couple minutes later. I relaxed in the dim light, my whole body comfortable and loose. It felt amazing to finally have a nest again, _my_ place, and I fell asleep easily, purring to myself.

 

I was rudely woken from my deep, restful sleep several hours later by the closet door being flung back, banging against the wall. Nathan growled, grabbing me roughly and dragging me out of the nest, shoving me aside as he started to pull the cushions out, tossing them across the room.

“Fucking omegas!” He snapped to himself, then finally looked at me, his hands shaking by his sides. I was staring at him in shock, my pyjamas already soaking as his scent washed over me, but the desire was being held back by my terrified anger.

“That was my nest!”

“I know, I told you ages ago that you couldn't have one!” He snarled, lifting me up and dragging me over to the bed. “You'll sleep in the bed like a normal fucking human being and stop leaking all over the couch cushions! It's disgusting!”

I shrank back, the tears forming in my eyes as the rage dissipated, leaving only the fear behind. Nathan stared at me for a second, chest heaving, then leaned over and grabbed my cheeks, pulling me into a deep kiss. The spark of desire suddenly kindled deep in my stomach and I felt my cock begin to swell as he pressed his fingers against my scent glands.

He pulled away, slipping his shirt off and kicking his jeans away roughly, and my mouth began to water at the sight of his cock outlined through his boxers. I took my own shirt off slowly, whimpering softly as I kept my eyes fixed on Nathan's erection. I untied the string on my sweatpants and he climbed onto the bed quickly, ripping my sweats and boxers away in one go. I gasped at the sudden chill and arched my back up desperately, my whole body on fire.

“Please! Alpha, I need...I n-need to be filled!” I begged loudly, my body even more desperate after having been denied what it needed that morning. Nathan smirked and slipped his boxers off, showing off his thick shaft as he wrapped a hand around it slowly. “Tell me what you want, _omega_.”

I whimpered, my mind completely empty now, empty except for one desire, one need, one heavy, incessant wanting. “I need you to breed me! I need to be knotted, I want to take you!” I gasped, trembling all over as I leaked onto the bed, my hands shaking while they tried to grip onto the sheets.

Nathan growled and grabbed a condom, ripping it open and rolling it onto himself. He leaned over me, his eyes completely clouded with alpha lust as he lined up and snapped his hips, shoving into me all in one go, without prep. I screamed in pain, throwing my head back as he started to thrust with no regard for my pleasure, sliding in and out of me roughly without real direction. I closed my eyes and pushed back against him, wanting, _needing_ more, but not really knowing what.

He grunted and I felt the base of his cock swelling, each thrust becoming more and more difficult until he suddenly forced his way into me and tried to pull out again, jerking at me painfully. I wrapped my hand around myself quickly, desperate to cum as I felt him slide as far into me as he could get and twitch inside me. It only took a few strokes before I was spilling onto my stomach, and I went limp, closing my eyes tightly.

Nathan tugged again lightly and I whimpered, hating it. I hated being tied with an intense passion, I hated the feeling of being trapped under Nathan, his hands gripping my sides a little too tight. He grabbed his phone from the bedside table and started to check his texts. I stared up at him in mild disgust, but there was guilt there too.

Obviously I wasn't good enough, otherwise he would pay attention to me. He would give me little kisses and stroke my hair while we were tied and let me cuddle into him. I often had wet dreams when I was in heat, and the one that always woke me up the messiest was one where a faceless alpha fucked me slow, using every inch of my body to pleasure me until he finally knotted me and we collapsed together, tied and laughing, kissing as we cuddled.

I looked up at Nathan and swallowed hard. I knew I had to tell him about Matteo before he found out for himself, and at least now he was a captive audience.

“Nathan?”

He looked at me briefly, clearly disinterested, then went back to his phone. “What?”

“I slept at my friend's house last night. I went over there because he was dogsitting and the storm...I couldn't drive home.”

Nathan finally put his phone away and stared at me. “What?”

“He...he...I went into heat while I was there and we didn't-”

“Is he an alpha?” Nathan snapped suddenly, his face twisting in rage. “I thought I smelled an alpha in here!”

“Yes, but we didn't-”

“Don't lie to me, you fucking whore! I _know_ you fucked him!”

Nathan's knot had just begun to deflate, so he tugged at me harshly, shoving me away from him until we finally separated. I cried out in shock and pain, my ass feeling as if it had torn in half when he'd pulled out. He grabbed his clothes and started tugging them back on, then snatched my phone up off the bedside table as I tried to pull him back, crying softly. “Nathan!”

He unlocked my phone and scrolled through the messages, snarling when he found Matteo's name. “Oh look at all these lovely messages,” he spat, venom in his voice. “And here's his address. How handy!”

I grabbed onto his arm just as he turned, inadvertently pulling me off the bed. I landed with a heavy thud and a cry, trying to get up, but my legs were weak and shaky, my whole body trembling and my knees folding under me, sending me back to the floor. 

The bedroom door slammed and Nathan was gone.

I grabbed onto the bed post, heaving myself up and picking up my phone where he'd tossed it onto the floor. I looked back at the bed and my eyes widened as I realised there was blood on the sheets. Tears began to pour down my cheeks suddenly and I dragged myself into the bathroom, collapsing into the tub and sobbing as I texted Matteo.

_Sent 19:47_

_My boyfriend is on his way to your place, he thinks we had sex._

I reached over and turned the tap on, my hands shaking as the warm water began to fill the tub, making my ass sting as it lapped over me. The pain was almost unbearable, but I just sat there, crying to myself until I heard my phone buzz on the floor.

_Matteo, 19:58_

_I'll deal with it, don't worry. Are you okay?_

 

_Sent 19:59_

_No._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone who's reading this, it would be great to get some feedback, so please feel free to leave comments etc I don't bite :)


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: rape, physical abuse

I was back in bed by the time I got a call from Matteo, and I picked it up carefully, whimpering at the movement, everything aching now. 

“Hey hon,” he murmured as I put the phone to my ear, my fingers trembling. 

“Are you okay?” I asked softly, my voice shaking slightly. 

“Yeah, hon, I'm fine. He shouted at me a bit and I shut the door in his face, but I think he's on his way back to you, he wouldn't listen when I told him nothing happened..” 

“I'm glad you're okay,” I sniffed, closing my eyes tightly and curling my fingers so my nails bit into my palm. “I'm sorry about all this.” 

“It's not your fault, hon. Did he hurt you?” 

I swallowed hard and hesitated for a moment, then sighed deeply. “He pulled out while we were still tied.” 

Matteo was quiet for a second, then muttered something under his breath. “You should probably go to the doctor.” 

“I think I'm okay, it stopped bleeding.” 

There was another sickening pause and Matteo sighed. “Try and get to the doctor, hon, okay? You might need stitches or something. And...look, he seems pretty angry and I know I don't know him, but I know alphas. If he takes your phone away or hurts you or anything, come to mine. There's a key in the plant by the back door, any time of day or night, you come and see me if you need. I'm worried about you.” 

“I'll be okay. I should go.” 

“Yes, you should. Remember that I care about you, hon..” 

“Thank you.” 

“You're _always_ welcome.” 

I hung up just as the front door opened and quickly deleted the call record and the warning messages I'd sent Matteo, then tossed my phone back onto the floor where Nathan had left it. I waited with my eyes closed as I heard Nathan walking up the stairs slowly. The door creaked as he pushed it open and I stopped breathing, listening to his footsteps as he walked over to me. There was one tense moment and then he grabbed my hair, jerking my head up. My eyes snapped open and he glared down at me, his lip curled. “Did you fuck him?” 

I cried out softly, trying to push his hand away, the pain of his fingers twisting in my hair making me gasp and tremble. “N-no! He didn't even kiss me! He has a mate!” I choked out, knowing it wasn't entirely true but praying that Nathan wouldn't find out. 

He growled and dropped my hair and I cowered away from him, whimpering softly. “If I find out you’re lying, there will be trouble,” he said quietly and flatly. I closed my eyes tight, sniffling shakily as he leaned over me threateningly. “I've called you in sick at work for the next four days. I'm going out, and when I get back, I expect dinner to be on the table and waiting for me.” 

“Y-yes Nathan..” 

I watched in horror as he leaned down and scooped up my phone, pocketing it before he walked out, shutting the door behind him with a final click. 

 

On Friday night, Nathan finally left me alone in the house, going out drinking with one of his friends. I knew that friend and I knew that they would end up crashing at his place, so as soon as he was gone, I limped out to my car and got in, flooring it down the road. 

Matteo's car was in the driveway along with another car I didn't recognise, so I parked on the street and made my way up to the door slowly. I knocked uncertainly and stood back, hugging myself as I waited. The door opened suddenly to reveal a tall, slim woman with long black hair and a bright, friendly smile. She looked like she was a few years older than me and was wearing a simple tee shirt and jeans. 

“Matteo! It looks like you've picked up a stray!” She called, then gently took my arm, pulling me towards the door. “Come in, you look upset. Matteo’s in the kitchen..” 

I let her help me inside nervously, kicking off my shoes but keeping my hoodie on as I followed her to the kitchen. Matteo looked up at me from the pasta he was rolling out and froze. 

“Kieran? Oh shit. Lexi, get him a chair and some water.” 

Matteo washed his hands free of pasta dough and slipped his apron off before hurrying over to me as I swayed. He hugged me tightly and I fell into his chest, starting to sob immediately as he rubbed my back soothingly. 

“Shhh, it's okay. It's alright,” he murmured, kissing the side of my head and gently leading me towards the living room. “Come on...what happened, hon?” 

He sat down with me on the couch, stroking my hair as I stared down at the floor. Lexi walked in with a glass of water and handed it to Matteo before sitting down in the armchair. 

“Kieran, this is Lexi, my sister in law, Lexi, this is Kieran.” 

She smiled slightly and waved, and Matteo shot her a meaningful look, so she chuckled and got up, heading for the kitchen. “I'll go finish the pasta.” 

Matteo sighed and turned to face me again, cupping my face in his hands as the tears began to slow. “Tell me.” 

I looked into his soft brown eyes and gave in, pouring everything out to him about Nathan's anger at finding my nest, him forcing me to cook his meals despite my horrible heat and stomach aches, him coming home at lunchtime every day of the week to have sex with me, despite the fact that every time he knotted me, I bled. 

Matteo stared at me in horror while I spoke, then pulled me into another hug, letting me bury my face in his shoulder. 

“God, Kieran, I'm so sorry,” he murmured, rubbing my back slowly as I shifted even closer to him. “I'm so sorry. Are you okay?” 

“I've started to heal now,” I mumbled, sniffling a bit as I pulled away from him, embarrassed and shaking. 

“Look at me, hon,” Matteo said softly, stroking his knuckles down my cheek. “You have to leave him. This is not healthy, please, please don't let him control you. He's a horrible person and he doesn't deserve you..” 

I nodded slowly, tears welling up in my eyes as I smiled at him sadly. “Y-you made me realise that...you treat me so much better than him and you're not even my boyfriend..” 

Matteo smiled shakily and wiped my tears away as they fell, his thumbs running over my skin. “Please, Kieran.” 

“I'm so scared..” I whispered, looking down at my hands and closing my eyes for a moment or two.

“I know. I know, it's scary, hon. I understand. But I'm here, I'm a phone call and a fifteen minute drive away, okay? Promise me you'll leave him?” 

I nodded slowly and he pulled me into a tight hug, his fingers spreading on my back as he held me. “Kieran?” 

I nodded again and he squeezed me tighter. “Don't call the police if something happens, okay? Call me. The police will side with him.” 

“I know,” I said quietly, pressing my face into his neck and inhaling his calming scent. “I promise I'll call you.” 

“Good. I just want you safe.” 

Matteo pulled away slowly and stroked my hair, his eyes worried and his touch a little shaky. “Stay for dinner, hon.” 

It wasn't a question, so I just nodded and smiled at him as best I could manage. 

“Matteo?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

He raised an eyebrow and smiled at me playfully. “Depends what kind. No, go ahead, hon.” 

I swallowed hard and looked down at my hands, my cheeks already bright red. “When you have sex...a-and you get tied, what...what would you do?” 

Matteo blinked at me, squeezing my shoulder gently. “This is a loaded question, isn't it? Um. I guess we'd lay down and cuddle and kiss for a while, and I'd just try and make my partner nice and comfortable until we separated. Why, hon?” 

I closed my eyes tightly and curled my fingers until my nails bit into my palms. “Nathan goes on his phone.” 

Matteo was silent and still for a few seconds, and when I looked up at him, rage was etched into every part of his expression. 

“Fuck...how...how could you do that?” He spluttered, shaking his head. “Jesus  _ Christ _ . Your partner has just given everything up to you and given you this special moment and you look at fucking Facebook?” 

I began to laugh, not really sure why, possibly from relief, and laughed and laughed until the tears started to come again and Matteo hugged me, letting me calm down and relax in his embrace. 

“I think dinner's nearly ready,” he said after a few minutes of peaceful silence. “Are you hungry?” 

“Very.” 

 

I sat down at the table nervously, next to Matteo and across from Lexi. She smiled at me as I began to eat and Matteo rested a hand on my back briefly. 

“Matteo's told me a lot about you,” she said after a few minutes of eating in silence. “He said you work at a record company, that's really interesting.” 

I glanced at Matteo and was surprised to see he was blushing. “Uh, yeah. I'm probably going to get fired.” 

Matteo's head jerked up and he looked at me quizzically, still chewing his food.

“Well, Nathan makes me stay home while I'm in heat and this week he took my phone away, so I haven't been able to even phone in to my meetings like I normally do. Um. I think my boss is getting annoyed.” 

Lexi shook her head slightly, frowning. “Surely if you told him the situation, he'd understand?” 

“I...I hope so,” I sighed, looking down and curling some more pasta around my fork. “I really like my job.” 

“I'm sure it'll be fine,” Matteo said gently, taking a sip from his water. “Especially if it doesn't happen again,” he added pointedly and I sighed. 

“It's not going to.” 

“Good.” 

 

I got on well with Lexi for the rest of the evening, she was bubbly and cheerful and asked me questions about my job and my son until it was time to go. Matteo walked me to my car, shoving his hands in his pockets as I leaned back against the door. “Thank you for dinner,” I said quietly, and he just nodded, clearly knowing that I meant so much more. 

“You're welcome. Come back soon, please. I worry about you.” 

I smiled and leaned up, kissing his cheek lightly. “I'll see you soon.” 

“Yeah.” 

I got in my car and headed back down the road, my hands shaking when I pulled up to my house and saw Nathan's car in the driveway. I contemplated just driving away, going straight back to Matteo's, but instead I parked and got out, slipping through the front door. Nathan was waiting in the kitchen, his arms folded over his chest as he stared at the floor. 

“Hey,” I mumbled, shoving my keys in my pocket instead of putting them on the side. 

“Where were you?” 

“Matteo's,” I said simply, figuring that lying probably wasn’t the best option. “I had dinner with him and his sister in law.” 

“I thought I told you not to go near him again.” 

“He's my friend,” I answered stolidly, fear flaring up in my throat as Nathan stood up, fury in his eyes as he looked at me. 

“I can't believe you, you omega whore,” he snarled, and I forced myself not to flinch, ignoring the sound of my own heartbeat pounding in my ears.  

“Nathan, I'm leaving you.” 

“Bull _ shit _ ! You're not going anywhere!” 

I took a step back shakily and Nathan strode forward, grabbing my hair again as he leaned over me, his face almost bright red in rage. 

“After everything I've done for you, you want to leave me?” He hissed, his voice low and level. 

“Let go of me!” 

He chuckled and threw me away from him, sending me tumbling against the wall, the side of my head hitting the corner. My vision blacked out for a moment and I gasped in pain as I slid to the floor, my whole body suddenly limp and unresponsive. 

I saw Nathan coming towards me and terror jolted me back to something resembling consciousness as I tried to scramble away, but I couldn't get a grip on the hardwood floor and the kick landed squarely on my ribs with a horrible crunch. 

I screamed and felt the hot tears already coursing down my cheeks as he grabbed my arm, hauling me up and throwing me against the counter. He grabbed my jeans, yanking them down around my ankles and lifting me up as I tried to fight him, tried to push him away, but he was already sliding two fingers into me, with only spit for lube as he spread me open. 

I sobbed shakily, hitting his chest until he wrapped a hand around my throat, closing off my air supply. “Hit me one more time and I'll choke you out,” he snarled, and I went still, closing my eyes as his fingers slid out of me and biting down hard on my tongue as he forced his way into me. 


	7. Chapter Seven

I lay on my bed, staring at nothing.

I'd found my phone in Nathan's desk drawer while he was at work and was now turning it over and over in my hands. It was Monday and I was still struggling to walk comfortably after Friday evening, so I'd called in sick at work and stayed in bed, giving up on life completely.

I was trying to get up the courage to call Matteo, but every time I picked up the phone, I remembered the crunch as Nathan had kicked me, and set it back down.

I swallowed hard and closed my eyes, remembering Matteo’s soft words and gentle encouragements. I finally picked up the phone and pressed the call button with a shaking finger.

I almost hung up as soon as the dial tone started, but forced myself to wait, taking long, deep breaths. 

Matteo picked up on the second ring, his voice quiet and gentle. “Hey, I'm in class, is this an emergency?”

“Yes.”

“What's going on?”

“I tried to break up with him and he beat me,” I said bluntly. “He's gone to work and I need to leave, but I can't drive.”

“Okay, hon. I can't come right now, but I'm going to call my brother. I talked to Lexi about this on Friday, and she said if it came to it, they'd let you stay with them until you found somewhere to live. I'm going to send him to come pick you up, okay? He's got a van, he can help bring your stuff. He'll be there in half an hour, I'm going to call him now.”

Matteo hung up and I sighed, sliding out of bed and slowly, stiffly pulling on a pair of pajama pants. I wandered downstairs to wait, staring out of the window blankly until I saw a white van pull up outside. I went to the front door and opened it quickly, just as a tall man with tightly cropped black hair and dark brown skin walked up, smiling at me brightly.

“Hey, are you Kieran? I'm Matteo's brother, Ben.”

 

It took a while, partly because Ben refused to let me help, but we eventually got all my belongings in the van, and Ben helped me up into the passenger seat, closing the door for me. “I'll come back with Lexi as soon as I drop you off and get your car, okay?”

I nodded slowly, taking deep breath and smiling at him shakily. “Thank you for this. You...you barely know me..”

Ben chuckled and pulled out of the driveway slowly, careful not to jolt me too many times. “Matteo talks about you enough that I feel like I do. He's been really worried about you, he's got the rest of us worried too. And my philosophy has always been that if you can help someone, why don't you, y’know? You'd probably be staying with Matteo if he had enough room.”

“I'm okay,” I said quietly and Ben laughed again.

“That's the biggest lie I've heard all week. Matteo will take you to the hospital when he gets back from work.”

“I don't need-”

“Yes you do.”

I sighed and leaned my head on the window, deciding not to argue too much for now.

 

When we arrived at the house, I was surprised to find how much bigger it was than Matteo's. Ben and Lexi went off immediately to fetch my car, after ordering me to stay in the spare bedroom and rest. I was more than happy to oblige and fell asleep almost immediately, waking up to my phone ringing some time later. I saw that it was Nathan and immediately blocked him, then dropped my head back onto the pillow just as there was a light knocking on my door.

“Kieran?”

“Come in,” I mumbled sleepily, and smiled as the door opened to reveal a worried looking Matteo. He hurried over to me, gently pulling me up into a sitting position and slipping my shirt off. I protested weakly, trying to grab it back, but he was already looking at my chest, gently pressing down on the huge bruises on my side, my ribs all shades of black and blue and purple. He looked at my arm as well, inspecting the faded grab marks, then helped me with my shirt. “We're going to the-”

“No,” I said firmly, shaking my head. “I have one cracked rib, I know it’s not broken because I've broken ribs before. I don't need a hospital, I need to lie down.”

Matteo sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed facing me, his hand coming to rest on my knee. “I can't force you to go, but for the record, I think you should.”

I looked away sharply and he reached over, caressing my cheek gently. I leaned into his touch, my eyes slipping closed as I felt the intense sadness well up again, pressing on my chest.

“Matteo..”

“I'm here,” he soothed, shifting closer to me. “It's okay. Do you want to talk about what happened?”

I buried my face in my hands, shrugging despondently. “I think so, but I'm scared..”

“Of what?”

“I don't know...of you thinking I'm weak..”

Matteo chuckled softly, pressing a tender kiss to my forehead. “I would never think that, Kieran. You're one of the strongest people I know.”

I sniffed, dropping my hands back to my lap, but not opening my eyes just yet. “He was waiting for me when I got home so I told him I was leaving him and he threw me against the wall and then kicked me a-and..” I squeezed my eyes shut tight, clenching my jaw. “He...he raped me. I tried to get away, but he grabbed my throat and he said he would choke me if I didn't stop, a-and..” I trailed off, opening my eyes and letting the tears pour down my cheeks at last. When I looked up at Matteo, he was crying as well, pulling me into his arms gently and holding me as tight as he dared.

“Fuck...you're not weak, Kieran. You're not. You're so strong.”

I sniffed, twisting my fingers in the back of his shirt as I clung onto him. “He was so nice to me when we started dating, I...it must have been my fault..”

Matteo's grip suddenly tightened and he growled softly. “It wasn't your fault. Stop that, Kieran, stop it right now. It's his fault. He was always like this, he just hid it from you. That's all. And you didn't notice because it got worse so slowly until it all just kicked off. You're _not_ stupid and it's _not_ your fault. Okay?”

I nodded slightly, shivering just before I started to sob, my whole body shaking and heaving against his as he just held me, rubbing my back slowly up and down.

 

After a while, Matteo gently helped me out of bed and took me on a tour of the house, explaining that Lexi and Ben had gone out for their anniversary dinner and we would have the house to ourselves. He showed me where everything was and cooked me a quick dinner, then took me back upstairs to bed.

“Here,” he murmured as I laid down, handing me the TV remote. “You need to rest.”

I looked up at him and then patted the bed next to me. “Stay with me?”

Matteo hesitated for just a moment, then sighed and nodded. “Alright, but I'm gonna start looking for apartments for you while you watch TV.”

“Okay.”

 

I woke up in the middle of the night to find Matteo asleep next to me, his face half buried in the pillow as he slept peacefully. I slid out of bed carefully and wandered into the ensuite to pee. Once I was done, I headed back to bed, blinking sleepily as I climbed under the sheets, facing away from Matteo.

I was just starting to drift off again when I felt him twitch behind me, letting out a quiet grunt. His breathing began to get heavy, audible in the silent room, so I rolled over and shook his shoulder gently, then patted his cheek.

“Matteo?”

He woke up with a jolt, sitting up abruptly and panting as he stared into the dark with wild, scared eyes. He looked down at himself, running a hand over his stomach, then stood up quickly and moved towards the door.

“Matteo, don't go,” I said softly, and he froze. “Please, I don't want to be alone.”

He sighed and turned, getting back into bed slowly and not quite meeting my gaze. I smiled at him sadly and opened my mouth, but he shook his head quickly, interrupting me before I could start.

“I don't want to talk about my dreams.”

I blinked, taken aback slightly, but nodded respectfully.

“Okay.”

Matteo looked away from me, fear still clinging on to his expression, so I shifted closer to him, tentatively wrapping my arm around his waist. He hugged me carefully and I closed my eyes slowly, his scent making me feel relaxed as I drifted off again, exhausted.

 

I ended up staying with Ben and Lexi for only four days, as I managed to sign the lease on a nice little one bedroom apartment for myself. It was a stroke of luck, but I really did feel like I was owed one at this point.

Apparently Nathan had showed up at Matteo's house the day after I'd moved out, but had gone away after Matteo insisted I wasn't there and he hadn't heard from me, so I was really glad to have Ben and Lexi on my side. I didn't like the idea of facing Nathan again anytime soon.

I told Andy what had happened and he was sympathetic, allowing me a week off to sort myself out before going back to work. Once I'd moved into the apartment, though, I'd gone straight back to work, despite Matteo's protests. I felt well enough to sit in a chair all day, and the longer I stayed in the apartment by myself, the worse my mental health got. It was hard to sit there by myself and not start thinking about Nathan. About the good times and the bad and start wondering what went wrong.

I admitted this to Matteo and he immediately started inviting me over almost every night, or suggesting that he came to see me. Since my evenings had always consisted of me cooking Nathan's dinner and doing whatever Nathan wanted me to do, now that I was free, I didn't know what to do with myself, so I was always glad for the company.

The first time I went to Sunday dinner with Matteo’s family was a pretty memorable occasion, though.

It was three weeks after I had left Nathan, and Matteo picked me up from my apartment at six, smiling at me as I got into the car. “You look nice,” he commented, and I looked down at my dark jeans and one of the blue button-ups I usually reserved for work.

“If you say so.”

“I just did,” Matteo chuckled, reaching over to rub my shoulder. “How are you feeling today?”

“I'm doing a lot better,” I smiled, buckling my seatbelt carefully. “My ribs don't hurt so much and Andy gave me some back pay for those sick days Nathan made me take, I think he's worried about me.”

“That's nice, though. It's always good to have a helpful boss,” Matteo commented, backing out of the driveway and turning onto the road.

“Yeah, he's always really nice to me.”

“How are you feeling about Nathan?”

I swallowed and looked down at my hands, taking a deep breath. “Um. Weird. I've been missing him a bit. I know that sounds stupid, but...I was with him for over a year and it's kind of strange to be on my own, especially since I haven't really had any friends for a while. It was just me and him, y’know?”

Matteo shook his head slightly, sighing softly. “That's not stupid, it makes sense. Just because you don't want him around anymore doesn't mean you can't miss him in some ways.”

“Yeah. I never want to see him again, but..I miss sleeping next to someone.”

Matteo smiled sadly, his eyes slightly distant. “I know how that feels.”

Silence fell for a moment or so and I leaned my head on the window, staring out at the world.

“Are you nervous?”

I glanced at him and shrugged, then smiled slightly. “Yeah, I guess. I'm not very good at meeting new people.”

“Oh, you'll like them, don't worry. My parents are really friendly, and obviously you know Ben and Lexi already. I told them you'd probably be a bit nervous.”

I nodded and rubbed my eyes as he turned onto the highway, my hands a little shaky.

“It's gonna be another half an hour, you can take a nap if you want, hon.”

I stifled a yawn and shrugged, leaning against the window again as Matteo glanced at me worriedly. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to relax, not thinking about dinner or Nathan or anything at all for a while.

 

I sat up when the car came to a stop and glanced over at Matteo. He took the key out of the ignition and smiled at me, then leaned over and rubbed my shoulder gently. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I'm okay, let's go.”

I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out of the car slowly, careful not to hurt my ribs. Matteo hurried over to me, shutting the door behind me and resting his hand on my lower back, guiding me up the porch steps and towards the house.

It was a fairly small house, but light and airy with a lot of windows, and as Matteo led me inside, I could smell roast chicken. He helped me with my coat, hanging it up on the peg and watching me take my shoes off in case I got unbalanced.

I heard footsteps and looked up as an older woman with long blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and a wide smile hurried over.

“Matteo!” She pulled him into a quick hug and he chuckled, kissing her cheek as she broke away.

“Hey Ma. This is Kieran, Kieran this is my mum Dana,” Matteo said quickly, just before I was pulled into a tight hug.

“It's so nice to finally meet you!”

I smiled shyly when she let go of me to look me up and down, and Matteo gently took her arm. “Come on, Ma. Let's go check on the chicken, it smells wonderful.”

Matteo shot me a sympathetic smile from behind her back and I smiled to myself, starting to relax as I followed them into the kitchen. Ben was setting the table and he grinned at me as I walked in.

“Hey, Kieran! How's it going?”

“Oh, it's good, thank you,” I answered, happy to find someone I knew to talk to while Matteo and Dana fussed over the chicken. “How are you?”

“I'm good too, Lexi and I went on a trip this weekend and it was a lot of fun.”

I was about to ask him where he'd gone when the back door opened and a tall man stepped through. I recognised him as Matteo's dad from the photograph and he walked straight over to me, offering me his hand. “You must be Kieran, it's good to meet you. I'm Robert, or Rob if you prefer.”

I shook his hand, looking up into his eyes and seeing gentle kindness there, just as I did when I first looked into Matteo's eyes. “It's nice to meet you too,” I said politely.

“Dinner's ready, Dad,” Matteo cut in quickly. “Come help carve, I'm useless at it.”

“You got that right,” Rob chuckled, turning to go and help in the kitchen. I stood there for a moment or two, feeling lost and surplus, until Matteo's gentle hand landed on my back and he guided me towards the table. “Come sit down,” he murmured, pulling out a chair for me and then sitting down next to me just as Lexi walked in, waving to me on her way over to the kitchen.  

It wasn't long before all the food was on the table and everyone was sitting down, and Matteo insisted on dishing up my plate for me. As soon as everyone had started eating, I began quietly, trying not to take up any space as the conversation began to flow, and everyone was laughing and chatting and making jokes. I got that lost feeling again and just concentrated on my dinner, feeling Matteo glance at me every now and then.

“Kieran?”

I looked up sharply at Dana and she smiled brightly. “How is it?”

I swallowed and smiled back, a little nervous. “It's delicious, thank you,” I said quickly and truthfully, and tried to go back to my dinner, but she glanced at Matteo and grinned.

“Have you claimed him yet?”

Silence crashed down on the dinner table and I felt the blush start to rise instantly. Everyone was staring at Matteo, and Ben looked vaguely annoyed. Lexi and Rob looked worried, and Matteo was starting to flush.

“No, Ma, we're not even a couple,” he answered sharply, setting his knife and fork down slowly as his fingers began to tremble “And frankly, I don't like where that question was going anyway. You _keep_ pushing and pushing, I know it's been three years, but I'm _not_ ready!”

I swallowed hard, shrinking away from Matteo slightly as his voice rose and accidentally meeting Ben's gaze across the table. He looked angry now, his grip on his own cutlery tightening. My breathing sped up, my heart pounding against my chest as I tore my gaze away to stare at the table instead, for just a moment. Then I got up suddenly, my chair scraping back. “I think I need a minute, I'm sorry.”

I turned and hurried away, and heard a heavy sigh from Ben as I slipped into the hall. I grabbed my coat and then opened the front door, stepping out into the warm spring night. I sat down on the porch steps and just stared off into the street, my hands shaking in my coat pockets.

I wasn't as bothered by Dana's question as I was by Matteo's reaction, I knew that, but I wasn't sure why Matteo's reaction had made me panic so badly.

I heard the door open and close behind me and Matteo sat down next to me slowly, his hands in his lap. “You okay, hon?”

“Yeah...I just...I don't know.”

“Ben said you looked scared, do you want to talk about it?”

I nodded slightly and Matteo finally reached out, laying a hand on my back tentatively. “What scared you, Kieran? Was it because I raised my voice?”

“I think partly, yeah. And the situation was a little overwhelming, I felt like I was in the middle of something that's not...not my drama.”

“That's understandable, I'm sorry I raised my voice and worried you,” he sighed, shifting closer to me so I could lean into his side. “I love my mum to death, but she really wants me to find someone new and I don't think I'm really ready. I still miss Joey so much, and I'm frightened. I had my true mate and...and I lost him, what if there isn't someone else out there for me? What if I can't ever have that bond again? It's...I guess it's my really sensitive spot, and I think my mum tries to help and kind of...goes the other way sometimes.”

I laid my head on his shoulder, letting out a slow sigh. “I think that's the most you've ever opened up to me,” I said quietly, and he chuckled softly.

“Yeah, probably. I'm not so good at opening up as you.”

I smiled to myself sadly and he wrapped his arm around my waist, leaning his head on mine for a quiet moment or two.

“Do you feel okay to go back in for dessert? My mom made key lime pie, she's very proud of it.”

I looked up at him with wide eyes, suddenly feeling a lot better. “That's my favourite!”

“I know, that's why she made it,” Matteo chuckled, standing up and helping me up next to him as carefully as he could. “Come on, she wants to apologise to you.”

“I'm not good at apologies.”

“You'll be fine.”

Matteo helped me take my coat off and I walked into the kitchen by myself, somewhat nervous. The rest of the family were talking in the living room, while Dana was checking on the pie. She looked up at me and smiled sadly.

“Hey, I'm really sorry about earlier,” she said quickly, and I shook my head.

“It's fine, it was just a mistake.”

She looked at me for a second and then laughed, taking the pie out of the fridge. “Oh no, honey, it wasn't a mistake. Well, assuming you were already together was, but I know my son. He acts the same way around you as he did around Joey before they fell in love.”

I stared at her in shock for a moment, then shook my head again. “No, no, he doesn't like me like that. We're just friends..”

Dana picked up the pie slice and looked at me sharply. “Just friends, my ass. Look, I don't want to interfere, I've already made him upset with me, just keep that in the back of your mind, okay?”

I was about to say something when Matteo walked back in, standing next to me and sliding his arm around my waist.

“Doesn't that pie look fantastic, Kieran?”

I smiled slightly, but I still felt a little unbalanced from the revelation. “Yeah, it really does.”

 

The conversation over dessert was a little easier, like the stillness after a big storm, and I was soon laughing and joking with everyone else, thoroughly enjoying myself. By nine, though, Matteo was getting tired and announced that he was taking me home, so I said goodbye and followed him out of the door. He helped me into the car and buckled my seatbelt for me, then got in behind the wheel and pulled out into the road.

“Did you enjoy family dinner?”

I smiled to myself, leaning my head back on the headrest. “Yeah, it was fun aside from that one bit.”

Matteo chuckled and nodded slightly. “Do you wanna come again next weekend?”

“Oh, um...I'm seeing my son that weekend, I usually don't like leaving the house after.”

Matteo glanced at me and then sighed. “Alright, how about instead of family dinner I bring some snacks and drinks over and we watch a movie? You can stay in your pyjamas in bed..”

I closed my eyes slowly, nodding slightly. “That sounds good. I'm seeing him Saturday for lunch, maybe you could come and bring takeout?”

“Oh, takeout? Upping the stakes. What kind?”

“Surprise me.”

Matteo grinned and nodded, shifting his grip on the wheel. “Got it. I'm gonna find you the weirdest takeout you've ever eaten.”

I laughed and pulled my knees up to my chest, hugging them tightly. “Okay. I'm still seeing you on Wednesday for a coffee, right?”

“Yeah, I'll meet you there at eleven, I only have an hour this week, though. I have a lot of work to get done.”

“Good, I like seeing you.”

“I like seeing you too, hon.”


	8. Chapter Eight

I sat down in the booth, checking my phone every two minutes. I was exactly on time, and they weren't here.

I tried not to let my mind spiral into anxiety, but I kept imagining the worst, that maybe I would have to go home without seeing my son. That even my one hour a month would get taken away.

I heard the bell on the door jingle suddenly and turned around quickly, relief flooding through me as I got up. Dennis had just walked into the restaurant, holding Peter's hand tightly. I rushed over, grinning as Pete spotted me, his face lighting up as he grabbed onto me. I leaned down quickly, hugging him tightly and ignoring the twinge in my ribs.

Dennis looked down at me impassively. “I have somewhere to be, I'll see you later.”

“I'll see you later!” I answered breathlessly, straightening up hurriedly and watching as Dennis walked out, the door swinging shut behind him. I walked Pete over to the booth quickly, sitting down with him and pushing the kids’ menu I had gotten for him towards him. He grabbed the crayons and began to color immediately, happy and relaxed.

I smiled to myself, folding my trembling hands on the table and nearly bursting into tears when he looked up at me, his grey blue eyes fixing on mine.

“How have you been, Petey?” I asked softly, watching him as he kept coloring, careful to keep inside the lines. “How's school?”

“It's going okay. I like the English lessons best, we get to read lots of interesting books.”

“Yeah? What’s your favourite kind of thing to read?” 

Pete shrugged, still focused on the page in front of him. “I really like the poetry, but it’s hard to read sometimes.”

“That’s cool, though, I’m glad you’re enjoying school,” I answered simply, then closed my eyes for a second, sighing deeply and trying to keep myself together. When I opened my eyes again, Pete was staring at me curiously.

“Why don't you live with us, Daddy?”

I swallowed hard and tried to scramble some kind of answer together quickly. I had known this was coming as he was getting older, but I hadn’t been prepared for it, not today. “Well, because when I had you, me and your Dad weren't dating. And he didn't...he didn't want to have a relationship, so when I had you, he took you to live with him.”

“Why don't I live with you, Daddy?”

I curled my fingers tightly, feeling the familiar pain as my nails dug into my palms. “Because the law says that children have to live with the alpha. Petey, if I could have you come live with me, I would...I would _love_ that.”

Pete smiled and went back to colouring, apparently satisfied. “Do you know what you're gonna have for lunch, little one?” I asked gently, and he nodded quickly.

“I really like the grilled cheese here.”

“Alright, I'll order when the waitress comes. What have you been up to, did you do anything exciting since I last saw you?”

“Yeah, we went to the zoo and I got my report card last week.”

I grinned at him, moving my hands to my lap and leaning forward slightly. “Tell me all about it, little one.”

 

By the time Dennis came to collect Pete, we'd played a bunch of games and talked about school and his zoo trip and his new friends he'd been playing baseball with.

I'd finally started to relax enough to enjoy our time together when Dennis walked up to the table, looming over us. “C'mon Peter, let's go.”

Pete looked up at him and the disappointment was obvious on his face as he frowned at his dad. “Is it really that time already?”

I winced and pointed to Pete’s plate. “Can you let him finish his food, Dennis?”

“No, it's been an hour,” Dennis said sharply, his face stony. “I'm gonna start counting, Peter.”

I got up quickly, grabbing Pete's hand as he slid out of the booth. “I'll walk out with you.”

Dennis looked like he was about to say no, but just heaved a sigh and led me out of the restaurant and over to his car. I helped buckle Peter into his car seat, kissing both his cheeks and stroking his hair quickly. “I'll see you again soon, Petey, I love you, little one. So much.”

“I love you too,” he smiled, and I kissed his forehead for good measure.

“You be good for your dad,” I said quietly, then stepped back as Dennis shut the car door and tried to walk away. I grabbed his arm quickly, pulling him back gently and letting go as soon as he stopped.

“Dennis, please, can I talk to you for a second?”

“You have one minute,” he snapped, but wouldn't look at me, folding his arms over his chest and glaring out towards the road.

“It's his birthday this month, I'm going to send him his card and gift soon to make sure they get there in plenty of time, but...please. Please, he's going to be ten, please let me come and see him. I'll get down on my knees and beg, I just want to see my son on his birthday. Please..”

Dennis clenched his jaw, his eyes narrowing as he still stared past me, clearly not thinking I was worth his attention. “I'll think about it.”

I watched him get in his car and drive off, waving to Peter as I shook. I managed to keep my composure all the way to my car, but as soon as I buckled my seatbelt, I was sobbing, my whole body shaking as I let out all the anguish and pain and terrible despair.

 

As soon as I got home, I opened the closet in my apartment and took all the pillows, blankets, cushions, and other soft things I could find into it, making myself a nest that I immediately fell into, curling up and closing my eyes tightly.

I woke some hours later to my phone ringing next to my face and answered it groggily.

“Hello?”

“Hey, hon. It's Matteo, I'm outside..”

“Oh. It's not locked.”

I hung up and dropped my phone back onto the cushion, then heard the door open and shut and the smell of food wafted into the bedroom.

“Kieran?”

I heard soft footsteps walking into the bedroom and over to the closet. “Hey,” Matteo said quietly, crouching down a few feet away from me, respecting my space as always. “Bad day?”

I nodded slowly, hugging my knees as he reached over and stroked down my side.

“Come eat something, you look pale. We can talk after if you want.”

I nodded again and allowed Matteo to help me up, clinging to him slightly as he led me to the kitchenette. He got the plates down from the cupboard and started serving up Mexican food onto the plates.

“I got a few different things, I hope that's okay?”

I leaned against the counter, watching him blankly, still feeling a bit out of it. “Yeah.”

He handed me one of the plates and a bottle of coke, staring at me for a second or two, his head tilted to the side slightly. “You look dead.”

“I feel dead,” I answered bluntly, walking over to the couch and sitting down heavily. Matteo followed me slowly, and I turned the TV on before he could say anything to me.

We ate in silence, and then Matteo took the plates and washed them up for me, walking back to the sofa and crouching down in front of me.

“Kieran, I know you feel awful right now, but you gotta talk to me, please. I'm so worried about you.”

I got up slowly, brushing past him and into the bedroom. I slipped my jeans off and pulled on a pair of sweatpants, then climbed into bed and curled up, staring at the wall.

Matteo sighed, but sat down on the edge of the bed, rubbing my hip slowly. “Come on. I know you wanna talk about it..”

“I'm gonna cry again.”

“That's okay, I don't mind,” he chuckled, squeezing my hip lightly. “If that's what you need, then go ahead. Is this just normal sadness from seeing your son or is it...something more?”

“I asked Dennis if I could come see Peter on his tenth birthday and he said he'd think about it. Which always means no. I just...I don't know what I did. I don't understand what he's angry about! _He_ raped me! _He_ decided that I wasn't allowed an abortion, _he_ decided that Peter was going to live with him! I don't understand, it's all his fault. I didn't even want a kid, and now he treats me like shit because he resents having to be a father! I _hate_ him!”

I glared at the wall, my chest heaving with the force of my hate, but the anger quickly gave way to grief and I began to cry softly, then began to sob.

Matteo slowly laid down behind me, gathering me up in his arms and making soft, soothing noises as he held me tightly, stroking down my chest. My whole body shook against his, every part of me hurting as I just cried and cried and cried.

After a while, Matteo began to stroke my hair, and I pressed my face against his wrist, nosing up against his scent gland without thinking. I relaxed almost immediately, my body reacting to the smell that flooded over me and allowing it to calm me down and make me feel safe. Matteo didn't seem to notice, but he squeezed me a little tighter as I managed to stop crying, just laying there in silence and staring at the wall again.

“I'm so sorry,” Matteo said after a short silence, his voice thick with emotion. “I'm sorry. No one should be put through this, it's cruel. He's a horrible man, Kieran. He's awful...I'm so sorry.”

I sniffed, rolling over in his arms and burying my face in his neck, the sweet scent washing over me again, scrubbing away the anger and hurt and horrible sadness. “I'll be okay.”

“You're so strong, hon,” he murmured softly, stroking my hair again slowly. “You're an amazing person, never forget that. And I'm sure you're a great dad.”

“How can I be a great dad when I only see him for half a day every year?” I asked bitterly, and Matteo sighed, hugging me tighter.

“Because you care so much. And because he loves you and he loves spending time with you even though he doesn't see you very often. That shows how good you are as a dad.”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, clinging gently to Matteo's side. “Sleep here tonight?”

“I-..” he cut himself off quickly and just sighed. “Yeah, okay. I gotta be out early in the morning, though.”

“That's okay...I just don't think I could sleep tonight without someone there..”

“I'll be here.”

 

After three movies and a nightcap of chamomile tea, I finally fell asleep in Matteo's arms, my head tucked up under his chin and my own arm wrapped around his waist.

Some time during the night, I woke up when Matteo shifted away from me, grunting and starting to breathe heavily again, his eyes moving rapidly under the lids as he shook.

I gently patted his cheek, calling out to him until his eyes opened abruptly and he sat up, grabbing at his stomach just like the last time I'd seen him having a nightmare.

He looked at me suddenly and I reached up, gently pulling on his shirt. “Come lay with me. It's okay. Everything's okay.”

Matteo slowly laid down in my arms, shaking as he pulled me close, hugging me a little too tight. I kissed his chest and felt his hand slide into my hair, cradling my head against him. I eventually drifted off again, too exhausted to stay awake and relaxing into Matteo's still tense embrace as I fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there's like 6 people reading this, so hi guys and thanks for subscribing! I hope you're still enjoying this, please leave some more comments, I love reading them!   
> <3


	9. Chapter Nine

My heat hit me Tuesday morning and I woke up soaking wet and insanely, achingly hard, my hands shaking as I stumbled out of bed and called Andy right away. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey Andy, it's...it's me. I can't come in today, I'm afraid. It's that time of the month...um. Can I phone in to any of my meetings today?” 

“Oh no, don't worry about it, Kieran,” Andy said quickly, his voice gentle. “I'll send you details for phoning in to your meetings tomorrow, but take the day today and rest up.” 

“Thank you so much, I promise I'll be back as soon as possible.” 

Once I'd hung up, I texted Matteo to let him know I wouldn't be going for lunch with him, then climbed into the shower.

I was used to getting through my heat on my own, I was pretty good at managing it at home with plenty of food, maybe a little porn, and time to myself.  It was when an alpha got involved or I had to leave home that it got tricky. 

I showered all the wetness away and then wrapped my hand around my aching, neglected cock, leaning back against the wall as I began to stroke up and down slowly, the first stroke causing a huge shudder to run up my body and I threw my head back to moan, my eyes rolling back. I began to thrust into my hand sloppily, rubbing my thumb over my tip a few times before I felt my whole body tense and I came, sliding down the wall in relief as I shot rope after white rope onto my thighs, where it quickly washed away. 

I sat on the shower floor for a while, twitching occasionally as I recovered. When I finally got out, I dried myself off and changed my wet pyjamas out for my most comfortable ones, then grabbed some snacks and my laptop, crawling into my nest to relax. 

My phone buzzed next to my head and I picked it up sleepily. 

_ Matteo, 9:48 _

_ I'm coming over after work at 4 with soup and pie.  _

I smiled to myself and sent back a thumbs up, then nuzzled my pillows and settled in to relax. 

 

I was woken from my daze at about ten to four by an insistent knocking on my door. “Key under the mat!” I shouted, and the knocking stopped. Matteo let himself in and I heard him walk into the kitchen, then rap on the bedroom door lightly. “Can I come in?” 

“Maybe. Did you bring pills?” 

“Yeah, I got you a whole bottle.”

“Then yes.”

Matteo chuckled and slipped into the bedroom, opening the closet door and kneeling down in front of me. “How are you feeling? Are you drinking enough?” 

He reached out, stroking his hand over my shoulder and I jolted, my eyes widening as my brain immediately stopped working. It wasn't as bad as the night of that storm, but it did hurt, and I was achingly hard again in seconds, already feeling wet heat between my legs. I heaved myself up into a sitting position, grabbing at his shirt with shaking hands as the  _ desire  _ filled me up, the  _ need.  _

“Alpha, please, please,” I begged, softly at first, crawling towards him and climbing into his lap, my cock brushing his stomach as I tugged at his shirt again, almost sobbing now. “Alpha! I need you! Please, please, I want to be filled and fucked and-..” I rolled my hips against his stomach and shuddered, groaning at the simple friction as he closed his eyes, then gently pulled me into a tight hug, rocking me back and forth slowly as I tried to get some kind of stimulation, tried to push against him, but he didn't seem to notice. 

I nosed up against his scent glands, desperate for the intoxication his scent would bring, but instead it washed over me, as sweet and light as normal, stilling my hips and overpowering the aching in my erection. 

“That's it, shhh,” Matteo soothed, cradling my head against his neck as he kept rocking me, his other arm wrapped tight around my waist. “You're so strong, Kieran, you can take control. I promise you. You can make it stop.” 

He slowly moved towards my nest, keeping a tight hold on me as he carefully laid down, pulling me with him and covering me with one of the blankets. “That's it. Nice and comfy,” he murmured, shifting closer to me and stroking my cheek. 

I did it without thinking, although my heat had subsided enough to allow coherent thought. I pulled Matteo into a kiss, my hands spreading on his cheeks desperately, something stronger than the pull of my heat tugging at me, drawing me closer to Matteo until he suddenly broke away, turning his head away slightly. 

I felt like I'd been slapped. 

I didn't know what I'd expected, and truthfully wasn't sure if I was expecting anything at all, but this was too much for me to handle in the state I was in. 

I started to panic, my breathing becoming shallower and faster as I shifted away from him, turning my head so I didn't have to look at him. My mind was going crazy, telling me that I shouldn't have done it, asking me what I was thinking. Some of the thoughts began to sound like other voices and I shook my head quickly, whimpering just as Matteo's arms closed around me and he hummed softly, pulling me against his chest. 

“Shhh. You're okay. Everything's okay, I promise. Just relax, take deep breaths, I'm here.” 

I pressed my face up against him desperately, drawing in his scent and letting my eyes slip closed as I curled my fingers against his side. 

“That's it. There you go,” Matteo murmured, stroking down my back slowly before sitting up and gently pulling me up next to him. “You need to eat something other than junk food, come on. Come have some soup.” 

I let him help me up, my legs weak and shaky under me as he wrapped an arm around my waist, half carrying me into the living room. 

I stared at the floor for a while, my hands trembling in my lap as I tried to figure out whether I should ask him about the kiss or not. As soon as he sat down beside me, I made a decision and kept my mouth shut, figuring that if he wanted to talk to me about it, he would have already. We ate in uncomfortable silence and I glanced over at Matteo when he finished. 

“I'm sorry for...throwing myself at you,” I said quietly as he set his bowl on the coffee table. 

He looked back at me in surprise and shook his head quickly. “That's okay. I...I don't mind, Kieran, if I did mind, I wouldn't have come to comfort you.” 

I smiled slightly, looking down as his kind words melted away some of the hurt from earlier. He stroked my hair slowly and sat back, trailing his fingertips up and down my spine. 

“Stop blushing,” Matteo said softly after a brief silence. “You look so ashamed, I don't like it.” 

“I can't help it.” 

“Yes you can. Your heats aren't shameful or disgusting, they're exquisite, and you're a strong man. You’ll have more children and a loving mate one day, and you'll be so thankful for your heats because they'll be so  _ so _ good when you get to spend them with your mate.” 

I smiled slightly and he ran his fingers through my dirty blond hair, then kissed my forehead softly. 

“Be proud of who you are, hon. Because you're amazing.” 

“I think it's going to take some time for me to think like that,” I said quietly, and he nodded, rubbing my back again.

“And that's okay as long as you're working on it. Maybe you should try going to work at the end of the week.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I'll be okay,” I mumbled, uncertainty starting to fade. Matteo smiled at me, stroking my hair back from my face. 

“I know you'll be okay, Kieran.”

 

_ I whimpered softly, looking up with half-lidded eyes as the alpha leaned over me, his cock already buried deep inside me.  _

_ He lifted my legs carefully, smiling with an indistinct face as he leaned over to kiss me. He began to thrust slowly, angling into my prostate and hitting it with each impossibly slow, teasing movement. I grabbed onto the sheets, trying unsuccessfully to push back against him and begging for more between heavy gasps and long, drawn out moans.  _

_ He kissed me again, his lips sweet against mine as he suddenly began to thrust hard and fast, slamming in and out over my prostate. I felt his knot start to swell and cried out happily, dragging my nails down his back.  _

_ “Kn-knot me! Please!”  _

_ He just grinned and pushed into me one last time, his hand wrapping around my throbbing, neglected cock as his knot inflated even more, stretching me almost too far. I opened my eyes just as he came and found myself staring into Matteo's face, his cum pumping into me endlessly as I finally reached my own orgasm, jerking weakly when I spilled onto my stomach. Matteo grinned, finally finishing and gently pulling back, showing me how well and truly tied we were. Then he carefully rolled over with me, pulling me into his arms as I buried my face in his shoulder.  _

 

I woke up and practically threw myself out of bed, away from Matteo's sleeping form, and stumbled into the bathroom. I shut and locked the door behind me, my knees giving way underneath me and sending me to the floor. 

I wrapped my hand around myself, stroking once, twice, and cumming to the memory of the dream, my hips jerking forward shakily. I dropped onto my hands and knees, my chest heaving as I tried to catch my breath. 

There was a gentle tapping on the door and I sighed, tucking myself back into my pyjamas and wiping up the mess with some toilet paper. 

“I'm okay,” I said quietly, but Matteo knocked again softly. 

“I gotta go, hon.” 

“I'll be out in a sec,” I yawned, flushing the toilet and washing my hands. 

As soon as I opened the door, Matteo slipped past me quickly, gently pushing me out and locking the door hurriedly. I blinked to myself, but shrugged and walked back to bed sleepily, climbing up under the covers. I didn't think much of my dream, as I'd gotten dreams about different alphas countless times during my heat. It was just another characteristic that I'd learned to ignore, so I settled into the pillows and closed my eyes, drifting off almost immediately. 

 

When I woke up, I could hear Matteo talking in the next room, so I dried myself off and grabbed a clean pair of sweats, then leaned in the doorway, trying to decide if I should disturb him or not. 

“...I had this dream. No, not the normal one. This one was  _ dirty.  _ I haven't had dreams like that since...Ben, I...I don't know. I don't want to think about that right now. I don't know, I guess I just panicked and called you, but...it scared me….yeah. Yeah, I know. Look, I should go, I need to stop bothering you at work. I'm just..thanks for listening, and being there….alright. Bye..” 

I sighed to myself and went back to the bathroom, opening the bottle of pills and taking one quickly. I was desperately curious to understand what was going on with Matteo, but I remembered my first night at Ben's house. He wouldn't talk to me, not if it was about a dream. 

I was about to leave the bathroom when pain shot through my stomach, sudden intense cramps making me gasp. I dropped to my knees, knocking the bottle off the side with a loud crash as I doubled over, holding my stomach while I fought back tears. 

Matteo ran in, skidding slightly on the tiles and kneeling down next to me. “Kieran? Are you okay, did you hurt yourself?” 

I shook my head slowly, the tears finally escaping and pouring down my cheeks as the pain increased. I suddenly scrambled up and over to the toilet, throwing up over and over until there was nothing left. 

Matteo stayed with me, rubbing my back in slow circles until I finally stopped retching and sat back, breathing heavily. Matteo made a soft noise in the back of his throat, wiping my mouth with a damp washcloth and stroking my hair as I closed my eyes, whimpering softly. 

“Hey, hey, it's okay,” he soothed, gathering me up in his arms and rubbing my side as I flung my arms around his neck. “I'm staying home from work, okay? I'm gonna stay here with you.” 

I sniffed, nodding as I buried my face in his neck, his arms so tight around me I could barely breathe. I didn't care, though, I needed to be close to him just as much as he needed to hold me, and as I breathed in his scent and relaxed in his arms, the cramps slowly began to subside. 

Matteo slowly realised that I was growing more comfortable and pressed a soft kiss to the side of my head, shifting slightly.

“My knees hurt, hon, let me get up..” 

I slid off his lap, looking away with flushed cheeks, muttering apologies. Matteo gently turned my head back to face him, smiling softly. “Hey. Don't apologise, Kieran. I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be, hon.” 

“It's gross,” I whined softly, gently pulling away from his hand to look away again, my cheeks already warm. 

“Yeah, a little,” he chuckled, leaning over me to flush the toilet. “Remember I was with an omega for five years, I'm used to this. I know how to handle it, okay? Don't worry about me, I just want you to feel better.” 

I groaned softly as the pain came back, nowhere near as bad this time, but enough to make me uncomfortable. “I just want it to stop.” 

“Maybe you should start taking prescribed painkillers,” Matteo suggested quietly, very carefully helping me to my feet, wrapping an arm around me when I stumbled. 

“I can't, they interfere with my antipsychotics,” I muttered simply, grabbing onto him. 

He bent down and picked me up with a soft grunt, holding onto me tightly as he carried me back into the bedroom. “I'm sorry, that's not a good situation. Bed or closet?”

“Closet please.” 

Matteo walked over to the closet and knelt down, rubbing my back as I crawled from his lap into my nest, curling up under the blankets.

“I'm going to run to the store, are you going to be okay?” 

I nodded slightly, already starting to drift off from sheer exhaustion. 

“I'll see you in about half an hour, okay?” 

I nodded again, feeling the heavy pull of sleep as the door shut behind my friend.  

 

I woke up to find myself surrounded with new pillows and blankets, each one smelling of Matteo. There was a huge bottle of water next to me and a pile of snacks, and I could once again hear him talking on the phone in the living room. 

He sounded agitated this time, but when I tried to get up, my legs gave out underneath me and I fell back into the pillows, wincing softly. 

“No! No, I don't think that's….no! Look, I just...I  _ can't  _ do this again yet! I'm not ready..” 

I grabbed at my phone shakily, unlocking it with trembling fingers and typing out a quick text as I tried to keep my breathing deep and even instead of panicky and shallow. 

_ Sent 13:16 _

_ I can't get up  _

“I don't know, I don't think he knows...yeah. Exactly. Hold on….I've gotta go, Ma. Yeah, I know. I love you too, I just...it's so hard..yeah, alright. I'll see you then, take care of yourself.” 

I heard the door open a few seconds later and Matteo slipped in, walking over to me and smiling sadly. “Hey. You okay?” 

I nodded sleepily, shifting to the side so he could climb into the nest with me. He smiled and crawled in carefully, laying in front of me and stroking over my cheek soothingly. 

“I just feel really weak.” 

“Yeah, you gotta try and eat something,” he sighed, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. “I brought you some extra things from my place, I hope that's okay.” 

“Its great, thank you,” I said quickly, nuzzling one of the pillows as he ran his hand over my side. 

“Good. I'm gonna go make you a sandwich, okay? You stay here and relax..” 

“Thank you..”

 

I spent the rest of the day in my nest, eating and drinking when Matteo encouraged me to and watching TV while wrapped up in his arms. 

My cramps kept coming and going, never as bad as it had been in the morning, but bad enough to make me dig my nails into Matteo's back. 

Late into the evening, he helped me move into the bed, laying with me and playing with my hair as I dozed, slipping in and out of consciousness. 

After a while, he pressed a soft kiss to my forehead, his arm draped over my waist. “Can I ask you a question, hon?” 

“No,” I mumbled jokingly, and he slapped my back gently. 

“Asshole. Why did Nathan never claim you?” 

I swallowed, suddenly a lot more awake. “I don't know. I think...I think he knew that we weren't right, y'know? I think the alpha always has a better idea of whether you're mates or not, and he knew it wasn't going to work out. I think he also liked using my heats to control me, and if other alphas weren't as inclined to attack me, then he lost a lot of his power.” 

“That's fucked up,” Matteo sighed, rubbing my side as I closed my eyes again. “I'm sorry.” 

“It's okay. I'd like to know what it's like, though. Belonging to someone,” I murmured, smiling to myself slightly. “Even if it's not a true bond, y'know? Aren't they really rare now, true bonds?” 

“Yeah, it's a little sad.” 

“It's very sad,” I mumbled, scooting closer to him and wrapping my arm around him. “I'm just glad I have such a good friend..” 

Matteo relaxed slightly, running his hand over my hair. “Get some sleep, I have to go for work early tomorrow and I don't want to wake you up when I go.” 

“Okay,” I sighed, nuzzling even closer to him as he hugged me tightly. 

 


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: non-con touching

Matteo wasn't around much for the rest of my heat. He would come and drop off some food in the evenings and give me a quick hug and then make some excuse as to why he had to leave. 

It hurt, especially after the rejected kiss I was still trying to forget about, but having heard his phone calls earlier in the week, I figured he must have something else going on that was worrying him and didn't bother him about it. 

My heat lasted longer than usual, and I eventually had to go back to work on Monday, still a little shaky and certainly conscious of my scent. 

As soon as I stepped into the office, I noticed everyone looking at me and adjusted the scarf wrapped tight around my neck uncomfortably. I headed straight to Andy's office, knocking before slipping in, my hands trembling slightly as I shoved them in my pockets. He looked up at me in shock and shook his head quickly, as if trying to clear a thought from his mind. 

“Kieran! It's good of you to come back...so early.” 

“I'm ready for my clients, what's my schedule today?” 

“Uh, we have um. A new signing today, I'll hand him over to you to start talking about goals and things, I think that'll take most of the afternoon. This morning...you can sit in on my meeting with Harold, he wants me to report back to him about the branch in general and I know you want to move up in this company, so it'll be good experience for you. Besides, everyone who meets you always seems to uh...well, everyone likes you, and I could do with some of that to rub off on me.” 

I smiled slightly and nodded, heading for the door and ignoring my own anxious discomfort. “I'll be at my desk, I have some catching up to do. Come find me when we have to leave.” 

 

Andy tapped on my shoulder at about 10 and I got up, following him into the elevator with my briefcase. He rolled his eyes up to the ceiling, his breathing seeming different. I shot him an odd look, then swallowed hard and looked down at my shoes. 

Maybe it was too early to come back to work. 

I noticed it on the way to the meeting as well; as soon as we got in the town car, Andy rolled all the windows down a crack, smiling at me sheepishly. 

“I'm sorry Andy, I-” 

“Oh, don't worry about it,” he said quickly, waving a hand. “I'm glad you're here, it's good to see you trying to work through...it. I just...you don't happen to have any suppressants, do you?” 

I swallowed and shook my head slightly, deciding to tell a small white lie that wasn't entirely untrue. “No, they're expensive, and I just spent a lot of money moving out of my ex's place. I'm sure in a few months, I'll be able to get the money in place.” 

“Okay. For now, maybe...maybe stay out of the office until you're sure it's over, I just..” he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “This is just gonna sound like me trying to cover my own ass, but I'm saying it because you're the best employee I have and I like you. I don't want you to get hurt because you came to work too early. Do you..?” 

I looked down at my lap, nodding slightly and feeling the blush heating up my cheeks. “Yeah, I understand.”

“I want to make it easier for you to do your job from home, though, so let's have a sit down about it later in the week and try and find some solutions, yeah? You have an almost hundred percent satisfaction rate with your clients and I know you deal with some of the really fickle ones, I'm not letting you go anytime soon.” 

I smiled at that, relaxing slightly into my seat. “That means a lot, Andy, I've been fired from four different jobs just because of having heats.” 

He shook his head slightly, staring out of the window for a moment or two. “It's like you aren't people.” 

“Tell me about it. I had to try and explain that to the nine year old son I get to see for an hour every month,” I said bitterly, and he looked at me in surprise. 

“I didn't know you had a son.” 

“I don't bring it up a lot,” I admitted quietly. “It's hard to talk about.”

“An hour a month. Holy shit.” 

“Exactly,” I sighed, looking down at my hands for a few seconds, then taking a deep breath as I looked up again. “I'm doing alright, though. I tried to get custody of him so many times and I think I've finally just...accepted it.” 

“That's horrible.” 

I just shrugged and went silent, watching the world go by outside my window. 

 

The meeting with Harold went quite well, I just listened in from the sidelines and made occasional notes. Every now and then, I caught Harold staring at me, but he would look away quickly every time. Andy wasn't very chatty on the way back, and I went straight to lunch in the cafe in our building, checking my phone while I speared some lettuce. 

_ Matteo, 11:59  _

_ I have tickets to a movie tonight, do you feel well enough? _

I smiled to myself, setting my fork down slowly and unlocking my phone. He didn't ask whether I wanted to come anymore, there was no point. I always said yes.

_ Sent 13:24 _

_ I might turn a few heads, but I feel well in myself.  _

 

I got up after I'd finished my salad and headed back upstairs to finish the paperwork that needed to be done before my meeting. 

Once the clock hit two, I headed into the meeting room and got the new artist's file out. I listened to samples, read lyrics, checked over all the notes, and carefully read the little biography three times to make sure I didn't get anything wrong. 

At two thirty, my new client, Michael Beerbraun stepped into the room, smiling at me. I stood up quickly and shook his hand, introducing myself to both him and his agent. 

“I'm Kieran, and I'm an artist liaison representative, which basically means that I handle everything for you. I book tours, I handle PR up until a certain point, I work with you on album release dates, studio times, everything. I'm your first port of call at the label, and if I do my job right, you don't have to see anyone else.” 

Michael sat down, leaning back in his chair to watch me. He was a pretty handsome guy, around my age with bright blue eyes and dark, messy brown hair. He was wearing a leather jacket over a white tee shirt and his tight blue jeans didn't leave a lot to the imagination. I tore my gaze away from him and looked down at the file.

“Okay, so you've already signed contracts, that was all yesterday...sorry, I've been out of work for a few days, so I'm just catching up on the news.” 

“What were you out of work for?” Michael spoke up, and when I looked up at his grin, I knew he knew the answer to his question. 

“I was sick,” I said simply, flicking through the pages again, despite knowing the information inside and out. This guy was making me nervous, but not in the usual way that people made me nervous. I wasn't scared of him, not exactly. 

“You've signed on for two albums, country music. Good...I've listened to your demos, I really liked them.” I got a notebook out and set it down on the table, titling the page quickly. “Okay. So what this meeting is all about is discussing expectations. What you want out of us, what we want out of you..” 

Michael nodded quickly. “I want two American tours, one after each album.” 

“That's doable, and you have good numbers in terms of demo popularity. I can start doing research on the tours right away, you definitely won't be a headliner during your contract here unless your first album does impossibly well, but I can work in some festivals as well, and get some big headliners to bring you on as a support artist. In terms of albums, how long did the demo take in studio hours?” 

 

As the meeting went on, I got less and less nervous, smiling and joking with both Michael and his agent. 

He kept smiling at me, and as we left the meeting room, he caught my arm and pulled me back gently. “How about a drink tomorrow evening?” 

I blinked and shook him off me carefully, the nerves coming back, this time for a slightly different reason. “I'm sorry, Michael, but that would be completely unprofessional, I couldn't do that.” 

“Mike. And I know, that's why I'm going to ask to change to a different representative. Come on...it'll be fun.”

I swallowed, then sighed deeply, looking away from him. “You have my number, it's on the forms.”

“Is that permission to call you and set up a date?” 

“It's permission to text me,” I chuckled, shifting my weight slightly as I smiled at him, managing to squash the anxiety. “I don't pick up calls.”

“Sounds perfect..” 

 

Matteo smiled at me as I got in the car, yawning. “How was work?” 

“It was good, tiring. Also, one of my clients hit on me and I'm not sure if I did the right thing.”

He glanced at me worriedly as he pulled out into the road. “What did you do?” 

“He said he was going to request a different representative and we're going out tomorrow for a drink.”

Matteo's grip tightened on the wheel, but he was smiling as he watched the road. “What's he like?” 

“He seems nice, I think he might be a beta, I didn't really get a distinct alpha vibe from him. I just...I kind of just want something casual, something that doesn't really matter after Nathan, you know? I think it'll be good for me.” 

“Yeah.”

I looked over at him and watched his knuckles turn white on the steering wheel. “Did you have a bad day at work?” 

“No, why?” 

“You seem kind of upset. Is everything okay?” 

Matteo relaxed suddenly and sighed. “Yeah, I just...had a stressful morning. You seem a lot better, though.” 

“I'm doing okay,” I smiled, leaning my head on the window and watching the rain drip down the glass. “My heat has been really long, but it's going away now..” 

Matteo didn't answer, and when I looked over at him, his knuckles were white again, so I decided not to push it. 

 

We got to the movie theater just in time and found our seats just as the lights went down. Matteo smiled at me, brushing his hand over my arm. “You okay?” 

I nodded quickly, flashing him a bright smile in the dark, then turned my attention back to the screen. It was a fairly recent release and the theater was surprisingly packed out for a Monday night, but it didn't really matter to me. 

I enjoyed the movie for about an hour, up until the sex scene. 

There was barely any nudity and it was more the suggestion of sex than the actual act, but just as it was finishing, I felt a hand on my thigh. It wasn't Matteo, it was coming from the wrong side, and I froze completely, staring fixedly at the movie screen as the hand slid higher, brushing over my crotch. 

My heat stepped in, clouding my mind and spreading my legs despite the rest of me screaming at my muscles to  _ stop moving _ . 

The hand cupped me, the thumb running over my skin through my trousers, then gently began to squeeze. I shifted my hips into the touch, my mind still overcome by the desire to be touched, strong and burning and coming from a part of me that wasn't really me. 

The hand moved up, under my shirt, then began to slide down, the fingertips poking under the waistband of my jeans and I shot up out of my seat, slipping past Matteo and hurrying out of the theater. I ran out of the doors to Matteo's car, taking a few deep, shaky breaths. 

I had felt the blood rush into my dick under the stranger's touch, and I was  _ hating  _ myself for it. I almost threw up the more I thought about it, so I started to pace, my hands shaking in my coat pockets. My whole body didn't feel right, it didn't feel like it was entirely mine, and the feeling was sending the rest of me into a spiral. I could hear whispering on the edge of my hearing, but every time I looked up, there was no one around me. 

Just as the whispering started getting louder, I heard running footsteps pounding across the tarmac towards me and Matteo was grabbing my wrists, jerking me towards him. I stumbled and fell into his chest, but he pushed me away by my shoulders, holding me away from him as he panted. 

“Do you have  _ any _ idea how worried I've been? I've been searching the entire building for you! I thought you'd been grabbed by someone in the bathroom or something, why did you just run off like that?” 

I winced, flinching away from his raised voice. “The man next to me was groping me..” 

Matteo froze, staring at me with his mouth open slightly, all his anger draining away in a second. “Really?” 

I nodded slowly, swallowing the nausea rising in my throat. “Got his whole hand wrapped up around there. A-and..” 

“You're in heat,” Matteo breathed. I nodded slightly, curling my lip. 

“So I let him.” 

Matteo grabbed me suddenly, pulling me into his chest and hugging me tightly as I buried my face in his neck immediately. “Shit, Kieran, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to shout, I just couldn't stop imagining the worst...how the fuck didn't I notice, I could have stopped it..” 

I closed my eyes tightly, my body shivering against his as he squeezed me protectively, then gently pushed me away. “Okay, you wait in the car. I'm going to go and tell the staff to call the police, okay?” 

I stared at him for a second, then shrugged. “Is that supposed to help? You know they won't care.” 

Matteo hesitated, then sighed deeply, his shoulders dropping. “You're right, it'll just mean you getting dragged to the police station and blamed for it. Let's...let's go home.” 

 

Matteo offered to stay over that night, but I just smiled and shook my head. 

“I think I need to be by myself for a little while, but thank you.”

He sighed and pulled me into one last hug, rubbing my back before I broke away, smiling at him sadly. “I'll be okay, Matteo, I promise..”

“If you say so.” 

“I just did,” I grinned, and he rolled his eyes, managing to smile back at me. 

“That's my line! Anyway, if you still go out with this Mike guy tomorrow, will you text me and let me know where you are and things? Just in case?” 

“I'm not twelve,” I protested with a smile to show I wasn't really offended. “But I'll text you if I need you.”

“Good.” 

Matteo hesitated on the doorstep for a moment, then smiled at me and walked off back to his car. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kieran is just a tad clueless...


	11. Chapter Eleven

I sat down at the bar next to Mike, feeling a little out of place. It was a fancy bar, much nicer than the places I usually went, and I didn't really feel like my work outfit was enough to fit in.

But he grinned at me when I sat down, and I started to relax. “You look stunning,” he announced, then pushed a menu towards me. “I'll buy you whatever you want.”

I smiled at him and looked down at the menu for a while, then pushed it back towards him. “I'll have a cosmo, please.”

“Perfect. I'll order, why don't you go ahead and take that table over there, with the comfortable chairs? Before someone else snatches it up.”

I hurried over and sat down, glancing around nervously while Mike ordered the drinks and brought them over. He sat down next to me, his hand sliding over my thigh as he handed me my drink.

“Tell me about you,” he grinned, brushing a lock of hair off my forehead. “You already know a good bit about me, don't you?”

I nodded slightly, taking a sip from my drink in the hopes that it would give me some courage. “Yeah, from the file. I'm not really all that interesting. I just broke up with my long term boyfriend several weeks ago..”

Mike rubbed his thumb over my skin, watching me intently as I spoke. “What was that like?”

“It was...it was hard. He was…” I trailed off, looking down at my drink. “I don't want to get into it, but he was abusive at the end of the relationship, so I'm..I'm feeling a lot better.”

Mike nodded, watching me take another sip of the strong drink. “So you're looking for something casual?”

“Yeah, I guess. I mean, I wasn't really looking, this just kind of...happened.”

“True,” he chuckled, leaning back slightly and giving me a little more space. “Have you ever been claimed before?”

I nearly choked on my drink and looked up at him sharply. “Isn't that a bit personal?”

Mike shrugged and smiled at me lazily. “You don't have to answer it.”

“Then I won't.”

“So that's a no, then?” He grinned, and I felt the blush start to rise immediately.

“I-...yes. I haven't..” I mumbled, giving in in the face of that knowing smirk. He wasn't my type, he _really_ wasn't. He was suave and had money and was a bit of a dick, when it got right down to it, and yet...something in me stirred when I looked at him and every time he smiled at me, that little part of me went wild.

“Well, there's time yet,” he said simply, taking a long drink from his beer. “What else can you tell me about you?”

I looked down at my drink again, uncertain. I didn't want to tell him about Peter, it didn't seem like a good idea for some reason, but I didn't have much in my life besides Peter and work and Matteo. “I'm _really_ not that interesting, Mike. I only really have one friend, I don't have any pets, and I barely talk to my parents.”

And I realised with a jolt that Mike now knew something about me that Matteo didn't.

“Wait, parental issues? That's interesting,” Mike purred, smirking at me. “How about a rewind on that?”

I rolled my eyes and sighed quietly, still staring into the depths of my drink. “My dad owns a chain of grocery stores in California, so my parents are like..not quite filthy rich, but they have a huge house and a maid and a cook and everything. All I had growing up was nannies and I wasn't allowed to play with other children very often. My mother was really distant and she didn't tell me anything about...about being an omega, so I guess I kind of resent her for that.”

Mike nodded slowly, watching me closely as I spoke, his smirk now gone. “What about your dad?”

“Oh, he just...never really used to talk to me. I barely know the man. I came up here for college to get away from them and then just ended up staying. It's a nice area.”

“Yeah, it is. I like it around here, but L.A. will always be my home.”

 

We chatted for a long time, and I ended up getting on with him a lot better than I'd thought.

I think the drink helped, and although I only had the one and then went back to coke, I hadn't eaten a big dinner and I hadn't had a drink in a very long time, so I was feeling a little tipsy.

Mike helped me to the taxi corner as we left, laughing at me as I stumbled slightly. “Oh god..”

“You're such a lightweight! I can't believe this!” Mike chuckled, calling a taxi and helping me into it. I grabbed his hand and pulled him in with me, telling the driver my address quickly before leaning over and kissing Mike sloppily.

He didn't seem to mind, grinning against my lips as he cupped my jaw in his hands.

He broke away first, then kissed me, taking charge as he curled his fingers in my hair, his tongue slipping between my lips. I lost myself in the kiss, the last of my heat welling up in my stomach and making me suddenly desperate.

Mike grunted against my lips and pulled away as I tried to grab his thigh, and he grinned at me as I pouted. “Soon.”

I couldn't take my eyes off him the rest of the ride home, studying every little detail of him and ignoring the fact that there was definitely a wet patch on my jeans by now.

As soon as the taxi stopped, Mike handed the driver the money and I dragged him up the steps, fumbling with my keys and nearly dropping them twice before I finally managed to unlock the door and pull him inside.

As soon as the door closed behind us, Mike grabbed my sides, pushing me back up against the wall and pinning my hands above my head as I stared up at him, my mouth open slightly. I was already soaking wet, but my cock was now starting to harden, pressing against the front of my jeans as Mike smirked down at me.

“You want it bad, don't you?”

I groaned softly, nodding quickly as he leaned down, kissing and sucking at my jaw lightly. He growled to himself quietly and the sound vibrated through my body, going straight to my cock and making my whole body tense in anticipation.

Mike suddenly rolled his hips to mine and pure pleasure burst through me as I tried to chase the friction, rubbing myself against him, but he quickly pulled away, starting to unbutton his shirt frantically. I did the same, ripping mine off my shoulders and immediately starting on my jeans, desperate to release the pressure on my already leaking cock.

Mike grinned, watching me as I kicked my trousers away, my cock finally free and open to the air, and aching even worse now. I looked at Mike and he seemed to understand the wordless begging in my eyes.

He reached down and unzipped his own jeans _,_ pulling them off and tossing them into a corner before grabbing me and pushing me towards the bedroom. I kissed him passionately, stepping backwards until I fell over the bed with a soft cry, landing on the mattress safely and giggling to myself.

Mike climbed over me immediately, but I gently pushed his chest, making him pause long enough to let me get comfortable laying on the bed properly.

As soon as I was settled back against the pillows, he was straddling my hips, his knot-less cock rubbing up against mine as he leaned down to kiss me, his fingers sliding into my hair. I bucked up against him, not feeling my heat clouding my mind anymore, but knowing that it was egging me on from somewhere deep inside.

“M-Mike!”

He gripped my hips, rolling his hips so our erections rubbed together again, mind-numbingly slowly. “Use your words, Kieran, what do you want?”

I bucked up again, my cock dripping precum onto my stomach as I spread my legs for him. “I wanna be fucked,” I moaned softly, letting my eyes slip closed. “I want you to use me, Mike, please..”

He chuckled softly and ran his hands down my sides, his weight suddenly gone. I snapped my eyes open quickly, relaxing when I saw that he was opening the bedside drawer, pulling out a condom which he rolled on quickly.

“Do you need lube?” He asked gently, reaching over to rub my thigh as I spread my legs even wider, shaking my head.

“N-no, just you..”

Mike climbed back up onto the bed, leaning over as he pushed two fingers into me quickly, making me gasp and throw my head back to moan. It felt so right, the intrusion, and yet I needed more, I needed to be stretched properly and filled up and _fucked_.

I rocked back against his fingers desperately and he laughed, sliding them out of me and positioning himself over me.

He grabbed my legs, pulling them out of the way roughly before plunging his entire length into me in one go. I screamed, but the pain almost immediately began to turn into pleasure and I moaned loudly, tipping my head back again on instinct.

He didn't take the invitation and instead pinned my shoulders down, his face turning determined as he began to thrust, quick and deep, each movement into me at a different angle until he found the sweet spot and I arched my back, my vision whiting out briefly as I came rather early, my whole body jerking up.

Mike kept thrusting, slamming in and out into my oversensitive prostate over and over until my aching cock was hardening again, ready and standing to attention. I couldn't stop moaning, grabbing at his hair and back and arms, anything I could reach. My whole body was overstimulated and trembling, as I hadn't had anything approaching good sex since getting together with Nathan, and having Mike's body pressed to mine was overwhelming.

He didn't seem to mind me digging my nails into his back, as he just responded by grabbing onto my hips even tighter and angling himself more firmly against my prostate.

As I moaned and pushed myself back against him, Mike's thrusting suddenly became erratic and he slammed as far into me as he could get, leaning down to kiss me roughly as he came.

He grunted happily and I closed my eyes tightly, clenching around his cock and feeling it twitch inside me as he kept on coming and coming. Mike finally finished and slid out of me easily, rubbing my stomach slowly as I panted softly, wrapping my hand around myself desperately.

He batted my hand away quickly, replacing it with his own as he reached under me and slipped a finger back inside my still slick hole, starting to rub up against my prostate as he stroked me slowly. I came in minutes, jerking and shaking as I spilled all over myself again, moaning and whining until I finally lay still, utterly exhausted.

“What a good little omega,” Mike purred, leaning over me and kissing my swollen lips softly as I let my eyes slip closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think of Mike! <3 reading your comments always makes my day :)


	12. Chapter Twelve

I went to family dinner on Sunday a little stiff from the night Mike had given me on Saturday, but as soon as I turned up at the house, I forgot about the pain. Matteo was a little distant, but everyone else was chatty and bubbly, that is, right up until I mentioned Mike.

“I've been seeing this guy I met at work, I think it's been really good for me to have something casual,” I said to Dana, and her face froze for a second as she looked past me to Matteo.

“Casual, yeah...that's...that's good,” she said slowly, clearly not really listening to me.

The rest of the table had gone quiet and Ben was watching Matteo with an odd expression I couldn't really read.

Rob suddenly began to talk, and the tense atmosphere faded as he explained how his new barbecue was the best he’d ever owned and how he wanted us all to get together sometime and give it a try.

I didn't eat much more after that odd moment, and I decided to leave before dessert, letting Matteo walk me to my car. He leant back against the hood, his arms folded over his chest as he looked down at the tarmac, kicking at a rock.

I stared at him for a second or two, then sighed heavily.

“What's going on, Matteo? You're being really quiet and weird and I don't...I don't know how to help.”

“You can't.”

“Are you sure? I want to try.”

“Yeah, I'm sure,” he sighed, turning his head away slightly and glaring at the grass on the other side of the driveway. I moved over to him, my hands on his arms, trying to pull them apart so I could have a hug.

“Matteo, please,” I whined after I very quickly realised I was definitely not strong enough.

He sighed and dropped his arms reluctantly, letting me wrap mine around him. I pressed my face into his neck, breathing him in, but this time it didn't make me calm.

Instead, I felt a sudden rush of anger and pain, my fingers curling against his back as I clenched my jaw. I pulled away from the loose hug hurriedly and looked down, swallowing hard.

Matteo stepped towards me and lifted my chin slowly with one finger, making my heart leap as I thought for just a second that he might try to kiss me.

But he just dropped his hand away with a deep sigh and moved back, once again avoiding my gaze. “Goodnight, Kieran. Drive safe.”

With that, he slipped back into the house and I was left feeling the pain and the anger and my own confusion and sadness. I stared after him for a second, then tore myself away and climbed into the car, driving off with my grip tight on the steering wheel.

 

I woke up with Mike's arm draped around my waist, groaning softly as I stirred.

It was the weekend after the last awkward family dinner, and I'd decided to spend most of it with Mike, who wanted to spend most of it in bed.

I hadn't seen Matteo all week, but every time I thought about him, I felt a slight, sullen anger. I couldn't really place why, so I just ignored it, and left him alone.

“Hey baby,” Mike grunted, his voice raspy with sleep and his whole body pressing up against mine.

“Hey,” I chuckled, rubbing his arm just as my phone rang, cutting through the peaceful silence. I groaned, but leaned over and picked it up, looking at the caller ID. Dennis.

I sat up quickly, pulling away from Mike as I answered it, my hands shaking. Dennis _never_ called me.

“Hello?”

“Hi Kieran. I-”

“Is everything okay? Is Peter okay?” I interrupted quickly, a little panicked, and he just sighed.

“Yeah, he's fine. Look, I don't think you should come down for his birthday, but I can put you on the phone with him for five minutes in the evening.”

I closed my eyes tightly, waves of rage and anguish washing over me as my hands began to shake even worse from the effort of keeping my voice calm and even. “Okay. Thank you, Dennis.”

What I really meant was _fuck you, Dennis,_ but I knew if I was anything but polite and submissive I wouldn't see my son for months.

Dennis hung up without another word and I slipped out of bed, setting the phone down on my bedside table as I started to get dressed. Mike watched me from the bed, his eyes half closed and a small smirk on his lips.

“Where're you going?”

“I..” I swallowed, then tugged my shirt on and stood a little taller, grabbing my phone quickly. “I need to go and see a friend. I'll be back in a couple hours.”

Mike lifted his head, squinting at me. “Are you gonna tell me what this is all about before running off?”

I looked at him for a moment and then shook my head. “No. I want this casual, I don't want all my...problems to come into it. I'll be back soon.”

 

I tried to stop my hands from shaking as I drove down the road, but I was incredibly nervous. I didn't know what he'd say, or whether he'd be angry, but I _needed_ my friend.

I pulled into the driveway and got out, hurrying up to the door to knock. I waited patiently for a minute or two, then looked up as Matteo opened the door, staring at me blankly.

“Can I come in?”

“Why do you want to?”

“Because Dennis just called me and I need you,” I answered bluntly, and he sighed, stepping aside to let me in without another word. I took my shoes off quickly and felt his hand brush my back as he walked me into the living room and sat down. I threw myself down heavily, burying my face in my hands and heaving a huge sigh.

“What happened, Kieran?” Matteo pressed gently and suddenly the grief was welling up, making my chest heavy and my throat tight, and tears spilled down my cheeks as I lifted my head.  

“H-he said I could have a five minute phone call with my son on his birthday. F-five fucking minutes.”

I broke down completely and Matteo calmly pulled me into his arms, holding me as I began to sob, my whole body shaking with the force of my cries and my despair as he held me as tightly as he could, his thumbs running back and forth over my skin.

He didn't say anything for a while, but when I shifted closer to him, pressing my face into his neck as the tears finally began to dry up, he spoke up.

“Why aren't you doing this with Mike?”

I looked up at him in surprise, pulling away quickly. Matteo wouldn't look me in the eye, he kept looking down and away, and it was making me upset to say the least.

“Because he's just supposed to be a fling. I don't want another relationship right this second, and telling him about my son would make it feel really official. I just..I can't do that right away, I need some more time to be around him.”  

Matteo nodded slowly and I swallowed hard, shifting uncomfortably. “Do you want me to leave, I can-”

“Don't be stupid,” he said quickly, without any real anger in his voice. “I don't want you to leave.”

“It's not stupid,” I answered hotly. “Not when you barely look at me, you haven't talked to me all week!”

Matteo sighed and pulled me into a hug slowly, his hand sliding into my hair. Everything in my body was screaming at me to pull away, to stay angry, but I relaxed into the embrace, burying my face in his neck as he hugged me tightly.

“I'm sorry,” he murmured, stroking my hair slowly. “You're right, I've been a dick and I'm sorry, I'm just..not doing well right now.”

“You can always talk to me,” I said quietly, and he just squeezed me gently.

“I'm not good at talking about things, I'm sorry.”

“Its okay,” I soothed, nuzzling his jaw and rubbing small circles into his back. “I just...you can't push me away like that, okay? I've been worried and...it's hard for me to try and persevere when I think someone doesn't want me around.”

Matteo curled his fingers against my back, holding me as tight as he could. “I always want you around, Kieran. Even when I need space, I still want you with me. You're my...my best friend and I'm sorry I was distant, it was stupid of me and if I do that again, you have my permission to come and shout at me..”

I chuckled softly and shifted closer to him, his scent flooding over me and making me feel calm and relaxed again as he kept stroking my hair. “I'll hold you to that, Matteo.”

“Good,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the side of my head. “You should probably head home soon.”

“Yeah. I'm sorry for bothering you, I just-”

“You have never and will never bother me,” Matteo said firmly. “You needed a hug and I am always here for as many hugs as you need.”

I gently pulled away, smiling at him sadly. “Thank you. So much, you're a great friend. Most of the time.”

He laughed and ran his hand down my arm slowly, returning my smile. “I deserved that. Go home, Kieran. Text me if you need anything and you can always call if you want to talk.”

 

Mike was watching TV in the living room when I got back, so I sat down next to him and curled up into his side, my head resting on his shoulder.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I'm fine,” I yawned, slipping my hand into his to reassure him. “I just needed to talk to my friend, everything is okay now.”

“Good, I'm glad. You wanna watch a movie and eat snacks?”

“That sounds perfect.”

 

I got a cold in the middle of the week after that weekend, and stayed home for a couple days, curled up in my nest watching tv.

One night, Mike decided to come surprise me and I heard him knocking on the door, but I really didn't want to get up, so I texted him where the spare key was and waited as I heard him unlock the door. There was a rustle of plastic bags and he called out to me quietly.

“In the bedroom!”

I looked up as he slipped onto the bedroom, then opened my closet door slightly. He moved as if to walk straight in and suddenly everything in me was screaming _wrong._ I scrambled out of the nest, pushing him back quickly before he could touch anything, my chest heaving slightly as I closed my eyes for a moment or two.

“Kieran, are you okay? You seem kind of upset..”

I opened my eyes again and smiled up at him, trying to disguise the fact that I was shaking ever so slightly.

“Yeah, I'm fine. Something smells good..”

“I got takeout, but-”

I looked at him pleadingly and he just sighed. “I'm hungry, Mike, let's go eat..”

Mike nodded and led me out of the bedroom, but I was still trembling slightly. I didn't understand why Matteo could curl up in my nest with me and the thought of Mike even touching one part of it made me sick and furious, but I put it down to the fact that I had known Matteo longer and pushed it out of my mind.

We ate while watching TV and as soon as I'd put my plate in the dishwasher, I announced I was going to bed early. Mike followed me into the bedroom, pulling me into a soft kiss before I could start getting ready.

“You'll get sick,” I mumbled, pushing him away gently, and he just purred.

“I don't care, come here..” he grinned, wrapping his arms around me and pulling my body up against his. I could feel the bulge in his jeans brushing against my leg and quickly pulled away.

“I don't want to!” I half shouted, and Mike blinked in surprise as I stood, glaring at him, my breathing heavy and fast.

“Hey, hey, I'm sorry, Kieran. It's alright,” he soothed, stepping forward and stroking his hand over my cheek lightly. “Let's just sleep...I wasn't..I wasn't going to force you..”

I swallowed hard, looking down at my feet shakily. “I...I'm sorry, I know. I just...so many people have, and-”

“It's a natural reaction, I know, it's okay,” Mike murmured, slowly pulling me into a hug. “It's alright, there's nothing to be sorry about.”

“But-”

“Did you know that betas can have heats too?” He asked, pulling away from me and leading me over to the bed, sitting down on the edge and gently tugging on my wrist. I sat down, leaning into his side shakily. “No..”

“It's very rare, but it happens. I get them usually once a year, so it's not too bad, but...I understand how hard it can be and I've had people who took me in my heat after I told them I didn't want them before.”

I swallowed, taking a deep, slow breath as I stared down at my hands. “Yeah, it's...and my ex..”

“I'm sorry, Kieran. I would never force you to do anything.”

I nodded slightly, grabbing at his hand and closing my eyes. After a minute or two, he gently shook me off, squeezing my hand tightly. “Come on, let's get in bed, you look tired.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure this is my best chapter, as I'm really sick and it's hard to concentrate right now, but I wanted to get something up for you <3


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Three weeks after I'd gone out for a first drink with Mike, I was sitting with Matteo, watching a movie at his house. He'd practically begged me to go and spend the evening with him, but he hadn't explained why and he'd been fairly quiet with me all night. I looked over at him and nudged him with my leg.

He glanced at me in surprise, smiling slightly. “What?”

“What do you think of Mike?”

“I've never met him.”

“I know, but I've told you about him, right? And he...I dunno. I think he wants more than just being casual now,” I went on, smiling at Matteo as he looked away, tensing slightly. “He spends a lot of time with me and he came to see me when I was sick..”

“You sound unsure,” he pointed out quietly, staring at the TV with his hands folded in his lap, his smile gone.

“Well..I really like him, but there was this one time when I was sick that I was in my closet, y'know? Cause I didn't feel good, and he tried to come in and it just felt really wrong, I didn't want him in there. And I guess that's made me uncertain.”

Matteo's jaw tightened, then relaxed as he looked down. “You've known him for three weeks, Kieran.”

“I know, and I know I tend to rush into everything, but he's so sweet to me and I kind of like the fact that he's a beta, I feel safe when I'm with him.”

Matteo sighed, leaning forward slightly. “Just feeling safe isn't the only thing in a relationship, you gotta have things in common and common interests and a similar sense of humor..”

“I guess. I just really like him, Matteo, I-”

“Then why the fuck are you asking me about it?”

I jumped, shocked as he turned to glare at me. He hadn't exactly raised his voice, but my heart was still pounding against my ribcage, and the look in his eyes was making me feel shaky.

“You've obviously made your mind up on this stupid decision! You've known the guy for three weeks and you're determined to end up in another shitty relationship, and whatever I say isn't gonna fucking matter, is it?”

I stared at him in horror for a second, then got up slowly, now trembling slightly. “I..I'm sorry, I'll..I'll go, I..”

Matteo dropped his head into his hands and I scrambled for the door, tugging my coat and shoes on as quickly as I could and slipping out of the house.

 

I was curled up on my bed about an hour later when my phone rang. I picked it up without reading the caller ID, and sighed when I heard Matteo's gentle voice.

“Hey, Kieran. I'm...I'm calling to apologise, are you willing to hear me out?”

I bit my lip, rubbing the bridge of my nose as I tried to think. I'd spend the last hour or so in shock and it was hard to get everything straight in my mind. All I kept thinking about was the way he'd looked at me and the sound of his voice as he'd snapped, and hearing his voice now, so quiet and calm, was making me feel confused and a little anxious. 

“You there?”

“Yeah.”

“Kieran...I'm sorry, hon, I should _never_ have shouted at you. That was really wrong and I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said. I just...I really care about you, hon. I do, and what happened with Nathan really worried me, I don't want you to end up back there. And..” he heaved a long sigh, his voice shaking slightly when he spoke again. “It's not an excuse, but...but it was Joey's birthday today and I...it's hard..”

“I forgive you,” I mumbled after a short pause, wrapping a blanket around myself and closing my eyes. I had never really been mad at him or upset with him, I had only been vaguely frightened and confused, and knowing he had some kind of valid reason for his actions definitely made me feel calmer. “I'm sorry about Joey, I didn't know.”

“You didn't know because I'm shit at telling you things,” Matteo chuckled, but I could hear him sniffing. “Look, if you like Mike...and you think he'll make you happy...”

“No, you're...you're right. I'm rushing into this because of Nathan. He's a rebound and...I think I'm going to break it off.”

“Really?” Matteo asked, suddenly seeming a lot more positive.

“Yeah, I'm not in it for the right reasons. Being alone after Nathan has been hard and I think just having someone around in that way has made me go a little nuts, you know? He's not really the kind of person I could be with long term.”

Matteo sighed softly and I heard rustling in the background. “Okay...look, I gotta go to bed, hon, I have work early tomorrow...but it was...it was good to talk to you and see you tonight. Maybe we can get dinner tomorrow?”

“I'm seeing Mike tomorrow,” I said quietly, and there was a short, slightly tense pause.

“Okay. Um. Let me know how that goes, okay?”

“Yeah, I will. Have a good day at work.”

“You too, hon. Sleep well.”

The line went dead and I sighed, putting my phone back down on the bed.

I buried my face in my hands, my chest aching. I didn't know what to think anymore, about Nathan or Mike or Matteo. It felt like every part of my life was so entangled in the other that just when I was starting to figure out how to handle one part, the other fell to pieces, and I couldn't figure out where the tangle was.

 

Mike smiled at me as I sat down across from him in the posh restaurant, smiling nervously. The lighting in the restaurant was low and every table was covered in crisp, spotless linen. I wasn't used to anything this fancy, and it made me feel exposed and out of place.

“Hey, Mike..”

He leaned across the table to grab my hand, his thumb rubbing over my knuckles. “Hey Kieran, I ordered us some starters, I hope that's okay?”

I swallowed hard and looked down, resisting the urge to draw my hand away from his. I kept reminding myself that I was in a public place with people all around me, chatting and laughing. I had witnesses and protection, and, despite the fact that they could probably buy me, I figured rich people were still better to have around than no people.

“Actually, I think we need to talk,” I announced quietly, looking up slowly and meeting his suddenly worried gaze.

“What about? I...we can slow down, if that's what you need..”

I sighed and shook my head slightly, biting down hard on my lip as I tried to look anywhere but into his eyes. “I really like you, Mike. But this is too soon after my last breakup and I think I need to be on my own for a while..”

“What exactly are you saying?” Mike said sharply, his expression changing dramatically as he stared at me, his jaw set tight and his eyes suddenly hard and cold.

“Mike, I want to...to break up, to stop this. I want it to be over..”

He glared at me, jerking his hand away from mine as he curled his lip. “Jesus Christ, you omegas are all the fucking same!” He hissed, and I winced, recoiling slightly as my breathing began to get faster and shallower, my palms hot and sweaty. “You just come and get whatever you want and when you've gotten it, you leave without a second fucking thought!”

“Mike, I...it's not like that, I just think it's too soon!”

He snarled and got up suddenly, standing over me and shoving a finger in my face, apparently not noticing me flinching away, now seconds away from a full panic attack. “You are a selfish, worthless _cunt_ , Kieran! I gave you fucking everything! I took you out for fancy dinners and I even came to see you when you were sick! I gave up working with the fucking best representative so I could take you out, and this is what you do to me? Un-fucking-believable!”

I shrank back away from him, bracing myself for a blow, but instead he reached over jerkily and grabbed his coat, then stormed out of the restaurant. I closed my eyes tightly, feeling the tears spill down my cheeks as relief, regret, and pain swirled together in my stomach, replacing the dull, familiar fear.

I got up slowly, paid the expensive bill without even laying eyes on the food, and then got back in my car. I unlocked my phone with shaking hands and typed out a quick text.

_Sent, 18:43_

_I need a hug_

I started the car and drove out of the parking lot and onto the road, sniffing occasionally and still struggling to keep my breathing even. My phone pinged a few minutes later and I pulled into a gas station to check it.

_Matteo, 18:49_

_So do I. Bring chocolate._

I smiled to myself, finally starting to relax, and turned the engine off, getting out of the car to go to the convenience store. I bought a bagful of chocolates and sweets, then got back in my car and began the familiar drive toward the highway.

 

Matteo opened the door in his pyjamas, smiling at me sheepishly. “Sorry, hon, I'm a little tired.”

“Its okay, me too,” I smiled back, leaning up to kiss his cheek lightly. “I brought a lot of options for comfort food.”

He took the bag from me and let me inside wordlessly, trailing his hand over my back as he slipped past me. I kicked my shoes off and followed him into the living room, collapsing onto the couch next to him and immediately dragging a blanket over myself.

Matteo hummed contentedly and stroked over my side slowly, tossing the bag onto the coffee table. “How was it?”

“No, I wanna hear why you're upset first,” I prompted quickly, yawning as I rested my head against his shoulder. “You never talk to me.”

“Not never..” he pointed out slowly and I just rolled my eyes. “I know what you mean, though. I had a dream about Joey last night and when I woke up and realised he still wasn't here...I didn't go to work today..”

I pressed myself closer to Matteo's side, letting out a soft sigh. “It's okay to take time for you sometimes,” I soothed, rubbing over his forearm lightly. “There's no shame in that..”

“I know, but...it's been three years now, I think most people expect me to have gotten over it by now,” Matteo answered miserably, looking down at his hands shakily. “And I...I wish I could, you know? So bad..”

“Everyone moves at their own pace,” I murmured, still rubbing his arm slowly. “It's okay to take your time, Matteo. Don't worry about it.”

“I can't help it,” he sighed, leaning into me slightly. “I just don't think most people understand alpha and omega bonds...you can't really know how intense they are until you've been in one. When he was shot, I felt it, like I'd been hit too, and we both fell onto the floor in the exact same way. It's so hard to get over losing such a huge part of you..”

I wrapped my arms around his upper arm, hugging it gently. “You'll get there, one day, I promise. And you'll make a lucky omega very very happy.”

He smiled slightly, but I could see the tears forming in his eyes as he looked down at me.

“Thank you for talking to me. I...I do feel a little better, but now I wanna hear about you.”

I smiled and he gently slipped his arm from mine to wrap it around my shoulders, and I gratefully fell into his side.

“We were at a really fancy restaurant and I just kind of...said it. He got really angry and started yelling and telling me how worthless and selfish I was. And then he walked out.”

“Oh...I'm glad you were in a public place,” Matteo said softly, squeezing me slightly, and I nodded quickly, feeling my throat tighten already as my vision blurred with tears.

“I was so scared he was gonna hit me. It was so humiliating...I just wanted to disappear. And then he said something weird, he said like I deprived him of having the best representative at the company because he wanted to go out with me or something, and it was a little contradictory to calling me worthless.”

Matteo chuckled softly, hugging my shoulders even tighter and pressing a lingering kiss to my cheek. “What an idiot. Do you feel okay?”

“I'm glad I did it,” I said slowly, fighting to keep the tears from spilling as I stared down at my hands. “But I've had so many horrible breakups now...I...I don't want to keep doing this. I can't keep doing this..”

“Doing what?” Matteo murmured, stroking my cheek with his knuckles as I closed my eyes.

“Having bad relationships. I...sometimes I start thinking that it's all my fault and I make them like this, I make them so angry and hateful and violent...I mean. I sometimes wonder if I do actually have a true mate or whether I'm just out here alone, and I'll never find what makes me whole.”

Matteo pulled me into a proper hug as gently as he could, his hands spreading on my back as I pressed my face against his shoulder.

“You do have someone out there for you,” he said firmly, pushing me away slightly and gently lifting my chin so I had to look at him as I opened my eyes and let the tears finally slide down my cheeks.

“What if..what if I do have a mate and he doesn't love me? I-I'm unlovable.”

Matteo heaved a huge sigh, pulling me back into his arms and holding me much tighter this time. “Don't say that, Kieran. You have all the time in the world to form a bond with someone, and you will, even if it takes you a few years, I promise. You're far too handsome and far too nice to be in this world alone, I _promise_ you..”

“Y-you don't know that!” I whimpered, starting to sob softly as I curled my fingers in his shirt and pressed my face into his neck, all the insecurities I'd felt since I was sixteen all suddenly coming out at once. “You c-can't..”

Matteo tensed up, then squeezed me against his chest, one hand sliding up to cradle the back of my head. “I _do_ know that, Kieran. I know it.”

“N-no, you can't be sure!” I choked out, anger blooming through the despair like an ink drop in water. “I d-don't want to keep hoping.”

“I can know it,” Matteo repeated softly, his tone finally getting through to me, despite all the self-pitiful wallowing I had thrown myself into. I pulled away from him suddenly, blinking the tears back until he came into focus, smiling at me sadly. He brushed one last tear off my cheek with his thumb and then pulled me into a kiss.

It should have been _perfect_.

It should have felt right.

It should have felt so much better than the time I'd kissed him and he'd turned away.

But this time, I was the one breaking away, my chest heaving as I glared at him, all the pain and sadness immediately replaced with hot, heavy rage.

“How long?”

“Kieran, I-” Matteo began desperately, gently grabbing at my hand, but I cut him off quickly, my voice raising from menacingly low to a sharp, clipped tone as the rage boiled in my blood.

“How fucking long have you known?”

“I've suspected since your first heat after meeting me, but I've only been sure for a couple weeks, after you said about not wanting Mike in your nest..” he answered quietly, his cheeks flushed as he looked away from me, swallowing hard. 

I couldn't stop myself, I didn't know exactly where it was coming from, but fury was curling its long fingers around my throat, and I drew my hand back and slapped Matteo with all the strength I had. His head snapped to the side and I got up hurriedly, some small part of me horrified at what I'd done, but the rest of me rejoicing as Matteo put his hand over his cheek, shocked.

“Fuck you! Fuck you, I hope you go to fucking hell!” I screamed, and felt the tears drip off my chin, burning my skin as they streamed down my cheeks. “I _hate_ you! You let me think I was nothing! You let me think I was fucking worthless all this fucking time and you were right there under my nose!”

“Kieran, I didn't know you were feeling that way, I- ”

“No!” I yelled, as loudly as I could, breathing heavily as I glared at him. “ _You_ don't get to talk anymore! You betrayed me and I fucking hate you!”

Matteo got up slowly and I immediately shrank away from him, the rage suddenly gone and leaving a hole that quickly filled with dull terror as he walked towards me. I froze for a second, then turned and bolted, running out of the house as fast as I could, scooping up my shoes on the way. I climbed into my car and floored it out onto the road, sobbing as I drove away from his house as quickly as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matteo doesn't always get everything right..  
> What do you guys think of this development? <3


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: descriptions of death and blood, shooting, graphic scene w/blood (the graphic part is in italics if you need to skip)

I lay wide awake at four in the morning, staring at nothing. I'd stopped crying hours ago, but my mind wouldn't stop working, grinding away and forcing me to think about Matteo over and over and over.

I thought about the way his scent always calmed me and made me feel safe, I thought about how I always accepted him in to my most private spaces without a second thought. I thought about how he was always there, anytime I needed him, ready to hold me and comfort me.

And then I remembered the way he'd shouted at me about Mike, and the way he'd pushed me away when he was hurt. I remembered the time I'd tried to kiss him and he'd turned his head away and I'd felt like my heart had been smashed into a thousand tiny pieces.

I curled my fingers in the sheets just as my phone screen lit up.

_Matteo, 4:37_

_I miss you and I am so sorry_

 

I woke up to my doorbell ringing insistently and groaned, rubbing my eyes as I dragged myself out of bed, padding to the door. I unlocked it sleepily, looking up into deep brown eyes.

I slammed the door immediately, but Matteo knocked again lightly, just before I could lock it.

“Please, Kieran. I just want to talk,” he said loudly, so I could hear him through the door, but his voice was still a little indistinct.

“About what?” I snapped, flinging the door open again so I could glare at him, but my anger faltered slightly when I noticed the light bruise on his cheekbone, barely visible, but definitely there, and a little thread of guilt snuck its way in.

“About us,” he mumbled, his eyes pleading and desperate as he held up a takeout bag. “I brought breakfast.”

“There is no us, you've made that abundantly clear,” I growled, going to close the door, but he blocked it with his arm quickly, without moving over the doorstep.

“Please, Kieran. Just talk to me, I know you don't owe me anything, but I owe you an explanation.”

I swallowed hard, staring down at the floor, but that little thread of guilt was growing. _You're just like him,_ the inner voice taunted. _You're just like Nathan._

I stepped aside quickly and Matteo breathed a heavy sigh of relief, slipping past me hurriedly and setting the bag down on the kitchen counter.

“I want to talk first,” I announced sharply, and he froze in the act of unpacking the bag, looking up at me worriedly.

“You look pale, I know you haven't eaten since lunch yesterday, I-”

The fury won over again and I bristled, glaring at him. “Don't you _dare!_ I don't need to be taken care of, I'm a fucking adult!”

Matteo drew in a sharp breath, but nodded slightly, not looking at me. “Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I know that doesn't really mean anything, but I..I want you to know that if I knew I was hurting you, I wouldn't have handled things the way I did. Can...can I come sit down? I want to explain..”

“It better be fucking good,” I muttered, but the anger was subsiding again as quickly as it had come. Matteo sat himself down in my armchair, picking at a loose thread on his jeans nervously. “I...I want to tell you some more about Joey. And it's going to be really, really hard, so I'm sorry if I cry or need to take breaks.”

I curled up on the couch, watching Matteo impassively as he took a few deep breaths, then looked up at me shakily.

“I told you that we...our first time was an accident. But the second time wasn't, a-and we bonded. We were only seventeen and it was so terrifying and exciting and it was just so _much._ I could feel his emotion flowing through me and he could feel mine, and when we lay together, it felt like we were impossibly close. And then...and then he got shot.”

Matteo's eyes became distant, and I could tell he was getting lost in his memories.

“We were both in class on opposite ends of the campus, I couldn't even hear the gunshots from my lecture hall. But I felt it. I felt like I'd been shot and I fell off my chair, I was trying to figure out what was happening to me, I could see blood everywhere, I could hear screaming and more gunshots and then I realised I was seeing through his eyes, because my skin was too pale. I was right there when he died. I watched him bleed to death and just before he passed away, I felt all this love flow into me and then everything went black and I woke up feeling so...so empty..”

Tears were flowing freely down his cheeks now, his face twisted in pain as he stared at nothing.

“I had a heart attack and I was dead for three minutes and two seconds. I wished for so long, I _wished_ I'd died..” he finally looked at me, blinking and sending more tears cascading down to his chin. “I've never told anyone except my mom about this before. But...sometimes I can still feel him. Our bond is broken, but it's not completely severed. Sometimes when I'm doing something special, like when I got the new job I wanted, or sometimes when I'm just at home reading, I get this sudden rush of love and I _know_ it's him. I don't know how I know or where it comes from, but I feel him for just a moment and it's _everything_ to me.”

Matteo took a deep, shuddering breath in and dried his cheeks on his sleeve, his hands shaking. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Kieran. I...if I bond with you, and I want to. I want to so, so much, then I'll lose Joey forever. Our bond will be completely cut off and I won't get my nightmares anymore, and I won't get the good dreams, and I won't get those little moments with him. And that scares the shit out of me..”

I swallowed hard, feeling my own throat start to close up and my chest get painfully tight as Matteo finally looked down at his hands.

“I really, truly do care for you, Kieran. And I really do want there to be an us, but I don't think I can let go yet. I need more time.”

“How much more?” I asked at last, my voice shaky and hoarse. Matteo looked up at me slowly, his eyes full of insufferable pain.

“I don't know. I'm sorry..”

“Come here,” I ordered softly, and he hesitated for just a moment before getting up shakily and walking over to me. I stood up and rested my hands on his sides, leaning up to brush my lips over the bruise on his cheek.

“I'm sorry,” I murmured, and he almost collapsed into me, grabbing onto me so tightly I couldn't breathe as he buried his face in my hair. I hugged back loosely, but gently pushed him away after a minute or two of silence. 

Matteo let go of me reluctantly, then allowed me pull him down to sit beside me, immediately tensing and folding his hands in his lap. 

“I'm sorry, Kieran, I-”

I cut him off with a shushing sound and stroked my hand over his good cheek, smiling slightly when he leaned into the touch. He was watching me with wide, uncertain eyes, so I let my smile grow and ran my thumb over his cheekbone slowly.

“I'm sorry for being so angry last night,” I murmured, and he opened his mouth to object, but I spoke before he could. “I should _never_ have hit you. I was in shock and already hurting and I felt betrayed and I was so angry at myself for not realising we were mates…I took it all out on you, and that was wrong.”

Matteo smiled sadly and gently took my hand from his cheek, holding it in both of his hands tightly. “The cussing me out was very justified, though. I did betray you, I'm your mate and I should be looking out for the both of us, not just myself.”

I nodded slightly, taking a deep breath and looking down at my lap, not allowing myself to get close to crying. “I...I was so hurt by you pushing me away when I kissed you, and I think Mike was my reaction to that, that's why I left him. I just...I assumed that you thought I was repulsive,” I admitted softly, sniffling and forcing myself not to look at him, so I didn't have to see the worry and the caring in his eyes. “I mean, you didn't take me when I was in heat, you pushed me away when I tried to kiss you...I just thought you...I don't know-”

Matteo cut me off by kissing me, pulling me into his lap as he tangled his fingers in my hair, his arm wrapped tight around my waist as I finally overcame my surprise and began to kiss back, soft and slow.

When he finally pulled away after a few long minutes, we both gasped for air, staring into each other's eyes for a moment or two.

“I think you're the most attractive thing I've ever laid my eyes on,” Matteo grinned, but there was a sadness in his eyes.

“Except Joey?” I guessed softly, and his smile faltered as he gave a tiny nod, brushing my hair off my forehead with one finger.

“I think you are just as a attractive as him,” he said quietly, and I knew somehow, deep in my stomach that he was telling the truth.

I finally began to relax, smiling down at him as he ran his hands over my sides, his touch burning my skin, but also soothing me and making me feel cared for and safe.

“Matteo...we can..we could have us...without a bond, for a while,” I pointed out softly, and he nodded slightly, looking away while I slid off his lap to sit next to him. “It wouldn't be that much different to us being friends.”

Matteo heaved a long sigh and then nodded again, his gaze moving back to mine, uncertain, but the desire was written all over his expression. “Yeah, I know. And I think I could do that, I just...I really need this to be slow, I can't just go rushing into everything with you, I need to breathe and to remember Joey and to let go over time.”

“I know, I know,” I soothed quickly, cupping his jaw in my hands and running my thumbs over his skin. “I'm not asking you to just forget and move on, I'm just asking you to please let us try to be us. I miss how we used to be, I want to sleep next to you and I want to kiss you..”

Matteo smiled slightly and pecked my lips, his touch soft and lingering as the uncertainty slowly faded. “Me too..”

 

I watched as Matteo finished the last of his pancakes and set his plate aside, then turned to smile at me, the nerves gone at last.

“Did you like your breakfast?”

“Yes thank you,” I grinned, and he leaned over, kissing me softly, tasting of maple syrup. I pushed his chest gently and he quickly broke away, his brow furrowed slightly as he studied my eyes worriedly.

“It's okay,” I murmured without thinking, pressing a tender kiss to his cheek. “I just wanted to know how you knew..”

Matteo coloured slightly and got up abruptly, gathering the plates up quickly. “Why don't we go curl up in bed or something? I was up all night and I could do with a nap. It would be nice to talk in bed, no?”

I nodded slowly, watching him carry the plates into the kitchen and load them into the dishwasher. He came back to me about a minute later and stroked my hair slowly, leaning down over me. “Go get in, I need to get something from my car.”

I rolled my eyes, but got up and stretched, ignoring the way his gaze ran over my chest and stomach, studying me unconsciously. “You better have bought me an entire chocolate store and a field of roses,” I joked, gently shoving his chest as I relaxed, trying to push the expression in his eyes out of my mind.

Matteo just grinned.

“Roses don't grow in fields, they grow on bushes,” he said smugly, and I growled, shoving him a little harder, but still playfully, the odd discomfort vanishing as we fell back into our normal gentle teasing.

“How dare you correct me?”

Matteo stared at me for a moment, then pulled me into a sudden kiss and I melted into it immediately, falling against him as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me and kissed me.

 

Eventually, I ended up in bed, waiting for Matteo while he changed into the sweatpants he'd brought with him. I fiddled with my fingers, taking a few deep breaths and trying not to think about the things Matteo had told me about him and Joey. I couldn't imagine what I would do with myself if I had to watch him die, and we weren't even really a couple yet. 

Matteo slipped out of the bathroom at last, shaking me out of my thoughts as he walked over to me slowly, then tugged his shirt off before climbing into bed beside me.

I raised an eyebrow at him, shoving all my scattered thoughts into a little box, and he grinned, but I could see a dusting of pink on his cheeks.

“It's warm in here!”

“I'm just enjoying the show,” I purred, and earned myself another gentle kiss, Matteo's fingers slipping into my hair just before he pulled away.

“I know you are, and do you know why I know that?”

I shook my head slightly and he stared into my eyes as he grinned again, stroking his knuckles down my cheek.

“Because you'll be mine one day and I know that you find me just as unbearably attractive as I find you..”

I laughed softly, finally relaxing fully and letting my eyes close up as Matteo nuzzled up against me, nosing at my scent glands carefully. I felt my muscles go limp immediately, just for a second, and bit back an ever so quiet moan just in time. He smiled against my neck and pulled away, laying back down in front of me and gently taking my hand, his eyes searching mine. “I wanna talk about what you asked me.”

I nodded quickly, squeezing his hand gently and flashing him a brief smile. “So do I.”

Matteo snorted and I glared at him playfully as he rolled his eyes. “I know that, otherwise you wouldn't have asked,” he pointed out, just to annoy me, and I pretended to be angry with him, flipping him off and doing his best to maintain my serious expression.

“Whatever.”

Matteo just chuckled and reached over, pulling the blanket up to cover my shoulder, such a small but caring gesture. “I think the first thing I noticed was how much I would touch you. I'm not naturally a physically affectionate person and I..I just kept kissing your cheek and holding you and all this stuff, and it never ever felt forced. Sometimes even hugging my mom feels uncomfortable for me, but I would be quite happy to lay and hold you all day every day..”

I turned my face into the pillow slightly, trying in vain to hide the blush creeping up my cheeks, which only got worse as I realised Matteo was smiling at me. 

“And then I noticed your heats. If an omega has started their heats before meeting their alpha, and they have prolonged exposure to them, their heats begin to get worse and worse, essentially to push the omega and alpha together until neither of them can resist, and that's started with you..”

I blinked, lifting my head suddenly and staring at him for a second in horror. “What? Is that why my last one was so long?”

Matteo nodded slowly, reaching over and stroking my hair behind my ear. “Don't panic, though. We don't have to bond to stop this from happening, as soon as I um...penetrate you, your heats will stop getting worse, and stay at that level until we...well, I knot you, and then they'll get easier over time until they're easier than they were before we met, and sometimes less frequent. No cause to worry,” he soothed, but we were both blushing furiously now.

“Oh..okay,” I mumbled, not entirely sure how to react to this. “Do you think you'll be ready for that soon?” I asked softly, wincing as I remembered the intense pain of my last heat.

Matteo sighed and leaned over, pressing a gentle kiss to my cheek and trailing his fingertips over my skin as he looked at me worriedly. “I don't really have a choice, hon. Not only are your heats getting longer and more painful for you, you're getting harder for me to resist, and I wouldn't want to end up driven so wild that I knotted you or we bonded by accident. Do you think you could...maybe next time?”

I nodded slightly, taking a deep breath and moving away enough to look him in the eyes. “I'm giving you my consent.”

He smiled and kissed me lightly, breaking away a little too quickly for my liking. “I'll ask you again before we do it, of course, but I think I can guess your answer.”

I grinned sheepishly and gave a small shrug, looking away slightly as I thought about the first time I'd spent the night at his house. “Can't fight the heat.”

Matteo just nodded, stroking my hair and purring to himself when I nuzzled his hand lightly. “While we're on topics that make us both go bright red, I um. I also had this dream about you when I slept here during your heat...I dreamed that I was having sex with someone and then when I looked down, it was you and...God, I woke up so hard and I remember trying to get past you without you seeing my erection, it was so bad I had to jerk off before I could go back to bed.”

I stared at him for a second, then grinned slowly, now certain I was probably the color of a tomato. “I had the exact same dream. And you..you cuddled me and kissed me and made me feel so wanted...and I was in the bathroom in the first place to jerk off too,” I giggled, and Matteo laughed, obviously still very embarrassed.

“That makes me feel a bit better...so I guess we have a preliminary bond.”

I tilted my head slightly in confusion and he smiled knowingly as his cheeks began to cool down at last. “It only forms when the actual bond is very powerful, but essentially when we first touched, we probably formed some kind of connection, and we can share things through it. We shared that dream together and it explains why my scent always calms you down and makes you feel better...Joey and I had a preliminary bond, too, but we didn't know it because we met as kids, so we just thought we were really, really good friends.”

“One time, when we were standing outside after family dinner, I smelled you and I felt angry and upset..”

“Yeah, that was an accidental transfer, I think,” Matteo smiled, resting his hand on my cheek and stroking his thumb over my cheekbone repeatedly. “It's a beautiful connection, but much more unpredictable than the real thing.”

I smiled to myself and relaxed into the pillows again, finally starting to let go of my own embarrassment. “What else?”

“Um..well, I'm always the first person you come to with problems. Even when you were with Mike, you came straight to me about your son. And the complete willingness to have me in your spaces immediately. Especially since you were deprived of having that safe, very private spot for so long, I assumed you'd be fairly territorial and possessive of your nest for a while, but it just wasn't the case. And then when I brought you my stuff from home, I knew it had my scent all over it, but you never marked it with your own, you just left it, smelling of me. Joey would never have let any of his nesting materials smell of anyone but him or me, so...yeah, that was a pretty big clue, I guess.”

I blinked at Matteo, suddenly feeling a bit emotional, then shifted closer to him, wrapping my arms around his neck tightly as he hugged my waist. “I'm so glad you have experience with all this, I'm too dumb to notice this kind of stuff.”

He clicked his tongue sadly and kissed the side of my head, squeezing me tighter. “Hey, you're not dumb, you're just inexperienced, it takes some mates years to get together after forming a preliminary bond. I'd say we're doing pretty well for only what, a few months?”

I smiled, moving closer and closer, just a little bit at a time, until my body was pressed up against his, his arms still wrapped around me firmly. I nuzzled his neck gently and inhaled contentedly as his scent washed over me, making my body relax again and my mind let go of all its little worries.

Matteo chucked softly and squeezed me gently, his fingers spreading on my back protectively. “Get some rest, please, hon. I just got some of your tiredness then, and I have no idea how you're still awake.”

“It's a skill,” I grinned, and he pulled the blanket around both of just as I began to drift off, still clinging to Matteo.

 

_There was a loud bang and pain ripped through my body, I fell to my knees and sank onto my side, trembling behind the lecture hall seats and listening to the screams and the shots._

_I looked down and blinked in confusion as I saw blood all over my hand, my shirt already drenched. I tried to put pressure on the wound, but the blood just kept coming, welling up around my fingers and soaking into the carpet around me as I watched one of my classmates fall in the aisle, a bullet between her eyes._

_I squeezed my eyes shut, a sense of overwhelming, fierce love flooding through me as breathing got harder and harder and my vision began to fade. I managed a tiny smile and let my heavy eyelids slip shut as the world fell silent around me._

 

I woke up screaming, sitting up immediately and feeling Matteo's arms wrapping around me, his face pressed against the side of my head. “Shhh, shhh, hon, it's okay,” he soothed, rocking me slightly as I dissolved into sobs, my whole body shaking violently, my fingers scrabbling for a grip on his shoulders.

“It's okay, you're safe, hon, nothing happened. You're alright,” he whispered, his own voice thick with tears as he stroked down my back over and over again. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...I didn't think we could do that again, I'm so sorry..”

I took a few deep breaths, the realisation finally sinking in that I was unharmed and wrapped up in Matteo's arms as the images from the dream slowly faded. “It's okay,” I managed to choke out, focusing on feeling his hands on my back and the way he was holding me protectively. “H-how often do you have that dream?”

Matteo let out a soft sigh and kissed the side of my head, starting to relax his grip slightly as my sniffles faded. “At least once a week. It's been less and less since I met you..”

“It's terrifying..”

He let go of me to cup my face in his hands, his thumbs stroking over my skin as he looked into my eyes with a sad smile. “I know. It's not so bad now that I'm used to it, but I always have a moment of panic when I wake up. Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, I think I need a hot chocolate, though..”

Matteo smiled a little wider and pulled me into a very brief kiss, then gently pushed at my chest, his fingers trembling almost imperceptibly. “Let's go get you one and watch some cartoons or something.”

 

Not long later, I was curled up in bed next to Matteo, his arm around me tightly as we watched some shitty late-night reruns. I leaned forward and set my now empty mug on the bedside table, then cuddled closer to him, my hand resting on his stomach. “Matteo?”

“Mm?”

“Are you okay?”

“Not really,” he answered quietly, letting out a soft sigh as he turned slightly to look down at me. “You make everything better, though. I'm so glad I told you everything about Joey, even though it meant you shared my dream. If things had been different, you guys would have really got on well..”

I nodded, still a little shaky as I rubbed his forearm slowly, lost in thought for a moment or two.

“Do you think we were connected from the beginning as mates? Or do you think that happened when he...when he passed away?”

“I have no idea,” Matteo sighed, squeezing me gently and pressing a soft kiss to the side of my head. “It's very rare for one partner to get another mate when the other dies, that's part of why it took me so long to figure out that you really are mine, because it was so hard to believe and I thought I would be alone for the rest of my life for so long.”

“You're not alone,” I smiled softly, leaning up and kissing Matteo's cheek lightly, then closing my eyes as I settled back into his embrace. “Tell me about him.”

He tensed slightly, but relaxed again when I ran my hand over his bare chest, my train of thought wandering slightly as I admired the view. I liked looking at him like this, perhaps a little too much, as he was fairly fit and had a toned chest and arms, but wasn't particularly built up in terms of muscle, just the way I liked. 

“I think you look very nice in this outfit,” I announced out loud while he stared at the floor, clearly trying to gather up the courage to talk. He managed a small smile, but didn't reply to my comment and still didn't look up. “You don't have to tell me, Matteo.”

“No, I want to, it's just figuring out where to start. You've seen pictures, haven't you?”

“Just one,” I said quietly, and Matteo slipped his phone out of his pocket, unlocking it and opening a photo album labelled ‘Joey.’ I took the phone carefully, staring down at the smiling face looking back at me. He had startling blue eyes and messy, slightly too long brown hair. He was definitely shorter than Matteo, closer to my height, but this wasn't uncommon, as omegas tended to be shorter than alphas. He was wearing a hoodie with Yale University on it, and grinning at the camera.

“You guys went to Yale?”

Matteo chuckled and stroked my hair slowly, then ran his hand over my back as he looked down at the screen sadly. “Yeah. He got into most of the Ivy Leagues, but he came to Yale to be with me. I never finished my degree.”

I looked up at him and he just smiled, the pain etched into his expression as he showed me how to go on to the next picture. “I couldn't bring myself to go back. I tried going there last year, I've been trying to finish it online, and I had to pick something up from the office, and I just had a breakdown for like three days.”

“How'd you get your job if you didn't have the degree?”

Matteo shrugged, looking down at his lap. “I told them everything about the circumstances and I was getting really good grades on everything I turned in and I'd already written my final paper, so they just looked at all that and said I'd more than earned my degree. Joey died in April, so I was nearly finished, you know?”

I nodded, gently taking his hand and lacing our fingers as I looked through the pictures and listened to him talk.

“He was always such a happy person, positive about everything, but he was also sensitive. We had a fight once because my cat died and he was trying to get me to be happy all the time and I was sad and he came back to me the next day and cried with me and comforted me until I really did feel happier.”

“I thought mates didn't fight?”

“Oh, that's just stupid alphas who've never been near an omega in their life talking,” Matteo chuckled, stroking down my back again slowly. “Everyone fights. It can be really hard, sometimes, being bonded. You can feel every strong emotion the other feels, and it can be overwhelming, especially when the bond is new. You have a fight and then you sort it out the next morning and get over it because you feel how sorry you both are, y'know?”

I nodded, shifting even closer to him as I handed the phone back, my hands shaking slightly. “He...I'm so sorry, Matteo. He seems like he was such a great person, I'm sorry you lost him..”

Matteo sighed deeply and gave a small shrug as he tucked his phone away carefully. “I wouldn't have met you otherwise..”

“You shouldn't have had to lose him, no matter what,” I mumbled, squeezing my eyes shut and curling my fingers. Matteo suddenly tensed and pulled me into his lap, hugging me as tightly as he could. “It is _not_ your fault,” he said sharply, pressing a soft kiss to the side of my head. “Joey died because it was his time, it had _nothing_ to do with you.”

I sniffed, the tears welling up quickly as I pressed my face into his shoulder, clinging to his sides. “You don't know that.”

“Shhh, I do know that, hon. I'm sure of it. Please don't cry, Kieran, I promise you it's not your fault..”

I let out a deep sigh and Matteo kept running his hands up and down my sides, soothing me as I buried my face in his neck. “I felt you, then,” he said after a minute or two of silence. “I felt you when you started to feel guilty..”

I smiled slightly against his skin, ignoring the tears still threatening to fall, and he ran his fingers up and into my hair. 

“Kieran, you and Joey are separate and I will always have a place in my heart for him and I will always miss him, but you're here and I care for you so much and even though I'm not quite ready to let go yet, I'm so ready to spend my life with you..”

I pressed a gentle kiss to his neck and pulled away to see the tears on his cheeks, glistening in the low light. I wiped them away slowly, smiling down at him sadly as he met my gaze uncertainly. “It's okay, Matteo. I think it's best we take this slow anyway, I..I don't want to replace Joey and I don't...I don't want you to feel like I'm trying, y’know? We need to be careful through this.”

“Yeah, I know,” Matteo smiled, pulling me into a slow, but brief kiss. “And I've got to actually learn to talk about my feelings instead of letting the bond do all the work,” he chuckled, stroking my cheeks and kissing me again, just a peck. “I think we need to go back to bed, hon.”

“Yeah, I'm exhausted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I know it's a fairly long one, but it explains some more about Matteo's behaviour <3


	15. Chapter Fifteen

I went back to work the next day, unable to stop smiling as I kept thinking about Matteo and his kisses. I just wanted to get through the day so I could curl up with him again and feel his lips on my skin and his fingers in my hair.

A while later, though, I was working at my desk when I felt something change in me.

I began to feel a familiar wetness and heads were turning in the office, looking for where the scent was coming from. One of my coworkers got up and began to walk towards me, and I scrambled up quickly, heading for the bathroom in as dignified a manner as I could as more alphas got up and began to follow me. I slipped into the only single occupancy toilet, the disabled one, and locked the heavy door behind me. My underwear was already soaked and my cock was swelling as I sat down on the toilet, burying my face in my hands.

I _hated_ everything about being an omega. I hated being humiliated like this.

I jumped when I heard a banging on the door and quickly grabbed my phone, pressing the call button hurriedly. It rang out to voicemail and I tried again as someone tested the handle.

“Hey hon, I'm in a meeting,” Matteo said softly, and I bit back a sob, my whole body shaking.

“I-I went into heat at work!”

There was a short silence and then he spoke up again, a little louder this time. “Are you in a safe place?”

“They're trying to get through the bathroom door!” I gasped, flinching away from the door as another bang sounded.

“Fuck, okay. I'm coming. Let me explain to my boss, I'll call you right back.”

I sniffed as he hung up and slipped my shirt off, ripping one of the sleeves off and quickly wrapping it around my throat, then removing the other sleeve and managing to rip it in half with the help of a sharp corner on the broken toilet paper dispenser. I wrapped the two halves around my wrists, hoping against hope that it would mask my smell slightly.

It seemed to work, as the banging became less insistent and I could tell some of them had walked away. I buried my face in my hands, starting to cry softly just as my phone rang again.

“Kieran, are you doing okay?”

“Y-yeah, for now,” I whimpered, trembling as I pressed the phone against my ear. “I'm s-so embarrassed..”

“Shh, there's nothing to be embarrassed about, honey,” he soothed, and I began to relax slightly, despite the underlying fear and self-loathing. I'm five minutes away, hon. Take some deep breaths, okay?”

“Will you be okay?” I sniffed, hugging my knees tightly. “They won't hurt you, will they?”

“I'll be okay, beautiful,” Matteo hummed confidently. “You focus on thinking about what we're gonna do when I get you home. We're going to lay in bed and cuddle and kiss and watch old movies together until you fall asleep.”

“What about the other thing?” I asked shakily, starting to smile slightly as I listened to his gentle voice.

“Yeah, the other thing too,” he chuckled, and I could hear his turn signal ticking in the background. “Hopefully I'll be able to resist long enough to get you in the house, I haven't got my pills with me.”

“I've had car sex before, it's not that bad,” I giggled, and he laughed softly.

“I don't want our first time to be in my shitty car.”

“No, me neither,” I grinned, wiping my cheeks and jumping as another loud bang resounded in the small room. “Please hurry, Matteo..”

“I'm parking, baby, I'm going to hang up, okay? I'll be two minutes..”

“Okay..”

My scent was starting to soak through the fabric and I could hear an ominous little scraping sound. I buried my face in my knees, shaking as I heard the lock click and the door open, a soft growling sounding from the doorway.

I looked up into the eyes of a lust-driven alpha and he lunged for me, but was yanked back by a different alpha, and they both snarled just as Matteo ran into the office, slipping past the fighting men and skidding to a stop next to me. “Come on, baby, it's okay, it's okay,” he soothed, scooping me up and holding me tightly as I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in his chest.

He managed to carry me out, past all the fighting employees and into the elevator. One alpha, a little brighter than the rest, sprinted towards the doors, but they closed just before he reached them and Matteo let out a long sigh of relief, letting me down to stand next to him.

He looked at me for a second and I saw his eyes cloud over just as my heat really kicked in, and suddenly we were kissing, his hips rubbing against mine as he pinned me to the wall desperately, growling deep in his throat.

The elevator stopped and pinged and Matteo tore himself away from me, grabbing my hand quickly and dragging me through the parking garage to his car. He bundled me into the passenger seat and buckled my seatbelt for me, then got in behind the wheel and slammed on the accelerator.

The car ride was torturous, as every little bump in the road sent electricity up my spine and rubbed my painfully hard cock against the front of my jeans.

Matteo held my hand the whole way, but by the time he pulled into his driveway, I was sobbing softly, begging incoherently as he lifted me out of the car. He growled to himself and carried me into his house, then set me down to lock the door behind him and grabbed my hand, towing me upstairs.

Matteo pushed me over to the bed, throwing me down and ripping the bedside drawer open to find a condom. I sat on my knees on the bed, knowing I was dripping as I tried to unzip my wet jeans, my hands shaking. “Alpha! Please, I n-need help!”

Matteo finally held up the little foil packet and I groaned loudly, giving up on my jeans and starting to rub myself through the fabric, my eyes rolling back in my head.

“N-no condom! I w-want you to breed me, alpha! Fill me with you!”

Matteo shuddered and ripped his shirt and jeans off, then gently helped me off the bed, his hands shaking with the horrible effort of resisting as he pulled my pants off and tossed them aside. “F-fuck..”

I slipped my boxers off quickly and fell to my knees in front of him, the hot wetness running down my bare thighs as I grabbed at his hips, begging and begging without making any sense whatsoever.

Matteo grabbed my arm and dragged me up, his eyes flickering between being completely lost and seeming gentle and kind. He helped me over to the bed, shushing me gently as I sobbed dryly, just repeating the word ‘need’ over and over.

“It’s okay, it's okay. Lay down,” he murmured, stroking my back slowly as I rolled onto my stomach and pushed up onto my hands and knees, shoving my hips towards him. My whole body ached and I couldn't think of anything but how empty I felt and how much I wanted him to knot me and fill me and _breed_ me.

My whole body shook, and I barely felt Matteo's hand on my side, just before he plunged a finger into me. I pushed back against him immediately, nearly collapsing in relief as my body finally received the stretch it had been screaming for.

“Shh, baby, it's okay,” Matteo murmured, reaching underneath me. I jolted when his hand wrapped around me because everything was too sensitive, and everything _hurt_ , but he kissed my back softly, curling his finger into my spot and starting to stroke me slowly.

“M-more!” I gasped, then dissolved into a moaning mess, gripping the sheets as tightly as I could just as he pushed another finger into me. I cried out in pure pleasure and rocked back again, feeling him start to scissor me open, his movements far too slow and far too gentle for me. My body wanted to be as full as possible, everything in me was aching for the stretch of his cock and his knot.

“P-please!”

“Shh,” Matteo soothed, removing his hand from my aching, dripping cock to stroke my side slowly. “Nearly there, you're doing so well,” he grunted, and I heard his voice change slightly. “So tight and slick for me, baby, look at you all ready for my knot, ready to be claimed..”

Matteo growled suddenly and plunged a third finger into me, starting to fuck me with them roughly. I screamed in happy pleasure, rocking back into him desperately a few times before he let his fingers slip out, leaving me trembling and begging again, begging for his cock to slide into me and begging for him to fuck my brains out.

“Oh God..” he muttered to himself, gently turning me over and rubbing over my stomach as I immediately spread my legs for him, my whole body trembling with the insane need.

“A-alpha!”

“I'm here, baby, I'm here,” he smiled softly, leaning over me.

As soon as his lips met mine, I felt his calm flow into me, dampening the wild intensity of my heat and allowing me to think through it.

“Matteo,” I whimpered, grabbing at him gently, at his sides and hips and arms, the need still there, throbbing under my skin. “I really do need you, I do,” I murmured, and he pulled back to smile at me, stroking down my cheek with his knuckles.

“I know, baby, I know. I'm here..”

He reached back and I shuddered as I felt his tip press against me, the stretch almost too much as he pushed slowly, groaning quietly.

“Fuck, you're tight,” he muttered, and I closed my eyes, reaching up to press on my own scent gland. My heat came rushing back, crashing through the dam of Matteo's calm and flooding my body once again. My muscles relaxed around him, letting him in at last and he slid into me, pressing into all the right places and satisfying the horrible, insane craving.

I threw my head back and moaned louder than I ever had in my life, my whole body finally feeling right and full and perfect. Matteo leaned over me as he bottomed out, pressing soft kisses to my cheeks and stroking my hair as I began to relax into the feeling of being so absolutely happy.

“Good, that's it,” he murmured softly, smiling down at me. “Take a few deep breaths, I'm here. You feel so good, baby, so good. You wrap around me perfectly, don't you?”

I nodded shakily, smiling back as best I could through the haze of pleasure, and Matteo sat back slowly, spreading my legs a little further and gripping my sides as he shifted position slightly.

“Are you ready?”

“Always,” I choked out through the anticipation squeezing my throat. Matteo grinned and pulled his hips back, sliding almost all the way out over my prostate and then slamming back in, hitting everything I needed him to. I almost came, arching my back up high and crying out, sobbing dryly as I fell back to the bed.

Matteo's fingernails dug into my hips as he groaned loudly and I gasped happily, closing my eyes as he slid out again, far too slowly.

“P-please! I n-need it, I need your knot!” I whimpered, and he chuckled softly, starting up on an easy, slow rhythm that very quickly fell apart into him pinning me down on the bed and fucking me as deep and as hard as he could, my shaky, half-screamed moans and happy cries egging him on.

He changed angle slightly and my eyes rolled back in my head as I moaned encouragement, barely able to speak now. 

"A-alpha.." 

Matteo slowed briefly, just long enough to kiss the corner of my lips softly. "I've got you. Like this?" 

He snapped his hips up even more and I went completely limp, the pleasure coursing through me as I managed just a tiny nod. Matteo chuckled softly and stroked my cheek gently, then returned his hands to my hips and picked up his quick rhythm again, keeping the same angle and slamming right into my sweet spot. 

I gripped the sheets so hard I was afraid they'd rip, just as I felt his knot swelling around the base of his cock, his thrusts becoming a little more difficult each time he pushed into me. He began to slow down again, groaning as he dragged his knot over my prostate and I finally came, the intense tugging feeling of the huge stretch pushing me over the edge and making me scream out one last time as I shot onto my own stomach, my vision whiting out briefly. 

Matteo pulled out halfway through my orgasm and climbed onto my hips, ripping the condom off and pumping himself quickly. I watched in awe as his knot inflated, impossibly large as he finally came, his head tipping back and his hips jerking. He moaned obscenely, muttering my name as he pumped spurt after spurt onto my chest, completely covering me in his hot, sticky cum.

Matteo milked every last drop, then collapsed next to me, his chest heaving as he wrapped an arm around me tightly. “Fuck, I wish I was still inside you,” he murmured, and I giggled softly, completely exhausted and sated, at least for now.

“I'm not sure it would have fit!”

He laughed breathlessly and kissed me briefly, his hand running over my side. “I would have made it fit.”

“That was incredibly hot statement, Mr. Ramirez, do you have a license for giving out such statements?”

“Yeah, right here,” he grinned, gesturing to his still hard cock.

I giggled again and then pouted, dropping my head back against the pillows. “I wish we were tied too..”

Matteo smiled slightly, but I could see the sadness creeping into his eyes. “I'm not ready yet, I'm sorry.”

“That's okay,” I said quickly, sitting up carefully and rubbing my eyes, ignoring all my muscles complaining loudly. “I think I'm going to be a bit sore tomorrow, I'm gonna go and take a bath now so it isn't so bad later..”

“May I join?”

“Of course,” I grinned, getting up and stretching before padding off to the bathroom. I rinsed the cum off my stomach with the shower head first, then leaned down and turned the tap on. I sat down straight away, watching the water lap at my toes and hugging my knees to my chest. 

Matteo slipped in and smiled at me, his cock finally starting to soften as he gently pushed me forward and got into the tub behind me. I sank down into the rising water quickly, smiling as his arms wrapped around me tightly.

“I'm going to take you home in a bit,” Matteo said softly, stroking down my side slowly and resting his chin on my shoulder.

“No, I don't want-”

“Neither do I, but I was at work and I have to go back, baby,” he sighed, squeezing me gently. “I'll be back by three, though, and I'll come and cuddle with you and make you dinner and sleep with you.”

“What about..?” I trailed off, slightly embarrassed, and he sighed deeply, shaking his head slowly.

“I'm not sure I'm ready for what just happened to be a regular thing. I didn't realise how little time we had before it was going to happen, and...I don't know. I'm sorry, I just-”

“It's okay,” I said quickly, stroking one of his arms slowly, just focusing on the feel of his warm, smooth skin. “But this heat is really really strong, I could barely breathe through it. Even with the pills I think I'm going to be a bit of a handful.”

Matteo smiled and nuzzled my neck gently, his grip tightening slightly, almost protectively. “That's okay, we'll get through it together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think of their first time? ;)


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Matteo took a spare key with him when he dropped me off at my apartment, so I woke up in my nest to find him shaking my shoulder.

“Kieran...have you eaten anything?”

I shifted slightly, breathing in deeply and sleepily realising I couldn't smell his alpha smell anymore.

“Kieran, honey, are you okay?”

I grunted softly and rolled over to face him, managing a small smile. “I'm so tired..”

Matteo chuckled and leaned over, pressing a gentle kiss to my cheek and brushing his knuckles over my skin. “I can tell. You want me to bring you a snack?”

“I want oreos,” I mumbled with a slightly wider smile, and he grinned down at me, stroking my hair slowly. 

“I may have to run to the store for that. How about you have something somewhat healthy now and then I'll go and get takeout and some treats at dinner?”

I nodded slightly, nuzzling the pillows as he stood up. “Alright, I'll be back in a minute, hon.”

I yawned and closed my eyes again, just dozing off when Matteo knelt down outside the closet, running his hand over my shoulder.

“Hey...you look like shit, how about we get you up?”

I whined softly, shaking my head as I burrowed further into the pillows. “No..”

Matteo sighed and set the plate he was holding aside, climbing in beside me and laying down in front of me. I cuddled up to him immediately, nuzzling up against his neck so his scent filled my nostrils and let me feel calm and relaxed.

“Did you take your pills, hon?”

I nodded, slipping my arm around him possessively and burying my face in his chest.

“You're worrying me, Kieran,” Matteo murmured, stroking my hair slowly. “Are you upset about something?”

I shook my head, then shrugged and pulled away from him gently, looking away and just staring at the wall. “It's my son's birthday tomorrow.”

Matteo smiled sadly and gently pulled me into a brief kiss, his thumbs running over my skin soothingly. “I'm sorry, honey. How about we go and spend some time with my mom? She's been dying to see you again and I'm sure she'll make you some pie. It'd be a nice distraction and you could call him from there.”

I pulled a face and he sighed quietly, shaking his head slowly. “I'm gonna put my foot down and say you're going, okay? And you're getting out of your nest. Right now.”

“No,” I whined softly, gently grabbing at him as he got up, trying to pull him back into my arms. “I don't wanna.”

He laughed and leaned down, lifting me up carefully and grinning down at me as I gave in and let my head fall against his chest.

“I know you don't want to, but I promise that getting up and walking around for just a bit will make you feel ten times better. We can watch a movie and relax, but you need to be doing something other than just laying around.”

“But I like laying around.”

“I know,” Matteo chuckled, walking out of the bedroom and setting me down on my feet, easily supporting me as I stumbled slightly. “But it'll make you feel even more tired and you seem really out of it.”

“I just feel really dizzy. Usually by now I start to feel sick and sore, but instead I just feel exhausted..”

Matteo sighed, holding my hand tightly and walking me over to the kitchen, where he got a coke out of the fridge and handed it to me. “Have some sugar, okay? Let's go sit down..”

I followed him to the sofa sleepily, trying to think through the feeling that my head was stuffed with wool. I sat down next to Matteo heavily, opening the coke and taking a long sip as he slipped his arm around me, rubbing my side gently.

“I..I don't feel right, Matteo,” I mumbled, resting my head on his chest and closing my eyes sleepily, my breathing slow and even.

“Don't feel right as in you need a really nice cuddle and maybe a hot pack or not right as in we need to go to the doctor?”

I sighed and drank some more of the coke, then took a deep breath as I nuzzled his chest. “I think if it gets worse later or isn't better by the end of tomorrow then it might mean a doctor. I haven't felt like this before..”

“Could it be because of earlier?” Matteo suggested softly, running his fingers through my hair. “Maybe it took a lot out of you.”

I shrugged, yawning and taking another drink from the bottle. “Could be. I don't know that much about it..”

Matteo sighed and pulled me into his lap gently, letting me curl up against his chest. “I know when Joey and I bonded, he slept for about twelve hours, but we...we spent most of that day in bed, y'know? You and I only did it once.”

“Maybe that's enough...cause I do feel better in terms of not feeling nauseous or being in pain, I just feel exhausted.”

Matteo stroked my hair slowly, then ran his hand over my back, squeezing me gently. “Alright, but tell me if you start to feel worse, okay? Getting some food in you should make you feel so much better, I forgot about your snack, didn't I?”

“Yeah,” I laughed softly, pressing my face into his neck and letting out a deep, tired sigh.

“I'll go get it in a second,” Matteo muttered, kissing the side of my head and rubbing my back slowly. “I just wanna hold you right now.”

I purred softly, my eyes slipping closed as I started to feel sleepy again, deciding not to fight it this time as my body went limp against Matteo's.

 

I woke up the next morning and scrambled out of Matteo's arms immediately, stumbling to the bathroom and only just getting to the toilet in time.

I threw up over and over, barely noticing Matteo crouching down next to me. He stroked my hair slowly, then ran his hand lower, over my back soothingly.

"You're okay, Kieran, I'm here. I've got you.." 

I finally finished throwing up after completely emptying my stomach and grabbed at the handle weakly, hauling myself to my feet as the toilet flushed. Matteo stood up quickly, supporting me as I shuffled over to the sink and rinsed my mouth out before brushing my teeth and swallowing two of the pills he'd given me.

“Does it hurt?”

I nodded slowly, gently grabbing at his arm for support as I headed back towards the bed, my hand shaking against his skin. “Y-yeah. A little more than usual, but it's manageable, I just need to lay down with a hot pack.”

“Okay, I'll go get one. You want some toast or something?”

“Not yet,” I mumbled, climbing under the covers and curling up, my eyes closed tightly. The pain was insistent, sitting in my stomach and making my whole body feel shaky and weak.

I jumped when Matteo's hand landed on my shoulder and he sighed softly, slipping the hot pack under the blankets and pressing it up against my stomach.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, forcing a small smile as I shifted uncomfortably. “Can I have a hug?”  

“Already ahead of you,” Matteo chuckled, walking around to the other side of the bed to lay down next to me, and wrapping his arms around me quickly. I smiled a little wider and shifted closer to him, sliding my own arm around his waist shakily as I pressed a soft kiss to his chest. 

“I have no idea what I'd do without you..”

He chuckled quietly, stroking down my side over and over, his fingers running over my skin slowly. “Well, you wouldn't be nearly as bad without me,” he pointed out softly. “You seem better today, though, a bit more alert.”

“Yeah, I feel a lot more awake, but the pain is pretty bad. The pills should make it better.”

“Good,” Matteo murmured, kissing my cheek lightly and drawing me a little closer to him. “I told my mom we'd go over there for lunch, is that gonna be okay?”

“I should be a lot better by then,” I smiled, shifting slightly and hugging him just a bit tighter. “I'm gonna get a phone call from Dennis at about one, I'm probably going to be a mess..”

Matteo nodded, propping himself up on one elbow with his hand still on my side, his eyes worried as he smiled down at me. “It's okay, I told my mom a little about the situation, she won't be bothered by you being upset. She likes you a lot.”

“I'm still embarrassed about that one time,” I giggled, and he laughed softly, leaning down to kiss me again, just a brief, light peck.

“Don't worry, I told her what's been going on and what we've talked about, so she might ask some awkward questions, but she won't assume anything that isn't true.”

I smiled, curling up a little tighter and hugging my stomach to keep the hot pack pressed against my skin. “Can I have another kiss?”

“Have you earned one?” Matteo teased, and I nodded quickly, glaring at him playfully.

“Yep. I'm dealing with a very bad heat that is all your fault, I think that's earning me as many kisses as I want.”

Matteo pretended to think about it for a moment, then grinned and nodded emphatically. “Yeah, I think that goes.”

He leaned down and I grabbed at his cheek, pulling him quicker and giggling as he kissed me softly, his hand sliding over my back slowly. I gently guided him deeper and deeper, my hands stroking over his cheeks until he finally broke away, sitting up properly.

“I'm going to make myself some breakfast.”

 

Matteo carried me out of the car and into his parents’ house, walking straight into the living room and laying me down on the couch. He carefully unwrapped the blanket from around me and laid it over me instead, kissing my forehead as he gently slid the hot pack from my grip.

“I'll go warm it up again, honey,” he murmured, smiling at me soothingly as he stood up. I watched him go sleepily, then rolled onto my side to get comfortable just as Dana hurried in and stopped when she saw me.

“Kieran! Where's Matteo?”

“He's doing my hot pack for me,” I answered softly, my voice a little hoarse. Dana glanced toward the kitchen, then sighed and moved over to me, sitting down in the armchair.

“You look terrible.”

“Thanks,” I chuckled softly, trying not to let my eyes close up. “It's going to be a rough week, I think.”

“Matteo said you weren't feeling good. How has it been with you two?” She asked, grinning at me knowingly. I felt the blush immediately and looked up in relief as Matteo came back just in time, crouching down in front of me to press the hot pack against my stomach.

“Better?”

I nodded and he pulled me into a quick kiss before standing up and gently pushing my legs against the back of the sofa so he could sit down on the edge, one protective hand on my thigh.

Dana was grinning from ear to ear now and Matteo shot her a look that was only half joking.

“Have you been embarrassing him, Ma?”

She nodded quickly, folding her arms over her chest. “Of course. It's not like I get to have any other type of fun around here. And it wasn't like I was even asking him anything particularly embarrassing.”

I laughed softly, forgetting about my pain as I watched the conversation, enjoying the gentle teasing. “We're doing okay, Dana. I think it's a bit of a honeymoon sort of thing right now.”

Matteo glanced down at me suddenly, his brow furrowed. “What do you mean, hon?”

I bit my lip harshly, looking down at the sofa cushion and picking at a loose thread. “I mean that with Joey and everything..you have a lot of baggage, and with Nathan and my son and...even Mike, I do as well. There's bound to be a point where that gets difficult, and it hasn't come yet.”

“But-”

“He has a good point,” Dana cut in quickly, watching her son worriedly. “You need to think realistically about this relationship, I don't think it's going to be as easy as you think because when you bonded with Joey, you were both so young and inexperienced and had no real baggage, and you had been friends since before you could walk. It's not the same as two adults who have both been through a lot getting together.”

Matteo looked between me and her and sighed quietly, leaning his elbows on his knees and resting his chin in his hands. “You're right. I didn't think I was being unrealistic, though. I know we're probably going to fight at some point, I just thought...that we would be able to get through them without too much trouble.”

“Maybe if you were bonded,” Dana said slowly, obviously thinking as she spoke, not quite looking at Matteo. “But since you don't have that connection, it'll be harder to understand each other's points of view and get through fights. Just keep it in mind, Matteo, that's all.”

He sighed again and I sat up slowly, keeping the hot pack on my stomach with one hand and wrapping my other arm around his shoulders as I leaned into him. “We can do this, I know we can,” I smiled, pressing a loving kiss to his cheek. “Don't worry about it, Matteo. It's gonna be okay.”

He nodded slightly, still looking down at the floor as I rested my head against his shoulder.

“I think it will, hon.”

“Me too,” I chuckled, and Dana got up suddenly, muttering something about checking on lunch. Matteo immediately pulled me into a deep kiss, shocking me enough that it took me a second or two to kiss back. As soon as I did, he was pulling me into his lap, his hands running over my back as I straddled him, breaking away quickly, but staying close to his lips as I spoke.

“Won't she come back in a minute?”

“No, she knows me, she'll give us at least ten..”

Satisfied, I kissed him this time, letting him slip his tongue between my lips as I pressed my body to his, hot pack and pain both completely forgotten.

He grinned into the kiss, then very slowly pulled away, stroking my cheek with the backs of his fingers as I stared down at him.

“Matteo..”

“Mm?”

“I love kissing you,” I murmured, then realised with a sudden jolt that I would have quite happily said that sentence with one less word.

“Me too,” Matteo purred, nuzzling my jaw and hugging me as tight as he could. “You're so beautiful, Kieran, inside and out.”

I closed my eyes and forced a deep breath, trying to forget about the revelation as Matteo rocked me back and forth slightly.

“We can handle us,” he said softly after a short, comfortable silence. “I know we can.”

I smiled against his skin and had just opened my mouth to reply when my phone rang. I scrambled off Matteo's lap immediately, grabbing at my phone and reading the caller ID before answering it hurriedly.

Matteo watched me worriedly, but I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. “Hi, Dennis.”

“Hi,” he said stiffly. “Peter wants to talk to you, I said he can have five minutes.”

I heard some rustling and then had to put my hand over my eyes quickly as Pete spoke.

“Daddy?”

“Hey baby, happy birthday, sweetie,” I smiled, forcing as much cheerfulness into my voice as I could muster. “Ten! You're getting so big! What did you get?”

“I got a new video game with Mario, I got stuffed toys, and Dad got me a book about omegas and betas and alphas!”

I froze, fury suddenly rising in my stomach, my fingers curling. “Really?”

Matteo's hand slid over my back and I relaxed just slightly, squeezing my eyes shut.

“Yeah! He says he's going to read it to me soon.”

“That's good, baby, I'm glad you're excited. Are you gonna play your video game later today?”

“Yep! Dad said he would play with me and even Mum wants to have a go.”

Matteo's hand paused in rubbing my back and I realised he could hear both sides of the conversation.  

“That's good! I'm sure it'll be fun. Did you get to eat cake?”

“Yeah! I got a cake with strawberry jam!”

“Ohh! That's so nice! Did you get my present and card, baby?”

“Yes, and I liked it very very much!”

“Good,” I murmured, and Matteo leaned forward slightly to stroke my hair gently, reminding me he was right there with me. “Guess what?”

“What?”

“Daddy loves you very very much,” I grinned shakily, the tears welling up already. “And I'm so glad you're having a good birthday..”

“I love you too, Daddy! I wish you could come to my parties..”

Matteo froze and got up suddenly, walking out of the room slowly, his shoulders tense and his jaw set. I felt the tears spill over, but forced myself to keep smiling through the pain.

“I will one day, baby, I promise,” I said softly, my hands shaking so badly that I pinned my spare one between my thighs. “I promise. Did you do anything special this week for your birthday?”

“Yeah, we went to the science museum and saw a dinosaur!”

“Oh wow, that's so cool! Was it a live one?”

Pete laughed and my whole body felt like it was trying to turn itself inside out as more tears poured down my cheeks. “No, silly! There aren't any more alive dinosaurs, it was all bones!”

I swallowed the sob and tightened my grip on my phone. “So you got to see its skeleton? That's awesome! Did you see anything else at the science museum?”

“Yeah, there was slime you could touch and a sandpit and even butterflies!”

“That sounds like so much fun, Petey! I'm so glad you're having such a good week, I miss you so badly, baby. I do..”

“I miss you too, Daddy. But Dad says I have to go,” Peter said, his voice suddenly losing its excitement and becoming flat.

“Okay, sweetie. Be good for your dad, okay? And have a great day, I miss you so much and I'm gonna give you such big kisses and cuddles next time I see you..”

“Bye, Daddy..”

“Bye, sweetheart. I love you, Pete..”

I heard the rustling again and looked up as Matteo walked back in, massaging his right knuckles with his left hand. He sat back down next to me, leaning back out of the way.

“That was your five minutes,” Dennis said quietly, and the fury was suddenly back, making my cheeks feel hot and my fingers tremble.

“I know. And you _always_ said you would let me help you talk to him about sex and mates. I'm his fucking dad, I gave birth to him, I am the omega in his life and I deserve to help!”

“No, he doesn't need-”

“Bullshit! I ended up pregnant at sixteen because my mother didn't talk to me properly, what if he turns out to be an omega? And no one has explained things to him?” I snapped, and Matteo leaned forward quickly, wrapping his arm around my waist and pressing his side to mine in an attempt to keep me calm. 

“I can explain it just fine,” Dennis growled, and I clenched my jaw as tight as I could, rage boiling in my stomach.

“No, you can't. You don't know anything about omegas, your wife is a beta and the only omega you ever knew was me and you fucking raped me!”

“I don't need to take this kind of abuse from you!” Dennis snarled, finally losing it. “He's my goddamn son and I'll educate him how I see fit! Now hang up before I take away your fucking hour for good!”

Matteo grabbed the phone from me quickly, pressing the end call button before I could grab it back. I stared at the floor for a moment or two, completely shocked and still shaking, then suddenly burst into tears, sobbing heavily as Matteo pulled me into his arms, tucking his chin over my shoulder and hugging me as tightly as he could.

“I'm here, honey,” he murmured softly, running his hand up and down my back slowly, soothingly. “I'm right here.”

The crying hurt worse than my heat, it felt like someone kept punching me in the stomach, and I pulled away from Matteo, opening my mouth in a silent scream as I bent all the way over, grabbing at my own hair and staying there a few seconds before finally sobbing again, rocking myself slightly. Matteo pulled me up suddenly, dragging me back into his lap and guiding me to curl up with my face pressed into his neck.

I accidentally nudged against his scent gland and stopped crying for a moment as a flash of what I could only describe as love and caring warmed my body, easing the pain in my chest. It only remained for a second, though, and then I was back to sobbing, my whole body shuddering and shaking while Matteo tried in vain to calm me down.

Eventually, Dana hurried in and over to me, stroking my hair slowly.

“I know you told me to stay out of it, Matteo, but I can't listen to this anymore,” she murmured, her own eyes full of tears as she gently turned my head to face her.

“It will pass, Kieran. This pain is temporary,” she said firmly, stroking my cheeks as I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head slowly.

All I could think about was how close I was to losing my son, how close I was to having a son who didn't know the difference between sex and rape. And it was too much, it was all too much, and when Matteo touched my neck, he drew back like he'd been stung, gasping softly.

Dana sighed and sat down next to me, holding onto my hand tightly. 

“I had to give up my first baby,” she said slowly, rubbing her thumb over my skin as she spoke. “I had her when I was very young due to my own stupid decisions and I couldn't afford to take care of her. I hadn't met Rob yet and so I had to put her up for adoption after spending ten days with her in the hospital because of complications. It hurt for so long, and I felt like such an awful mother for so many years that when I became pregnant with Ben, I panicked. I almost ended up having the pregnancy ended, but luckily I didn't and now I have an amazing son. But because of my past, when it came time that Rob and I wanted another child, I decided to adopt, and we found Matteo.”

The sobs had started to subside now, but I was still crying softly, one hand twisted in Matteo's shirt.

“I suppose what I'm trying to say is that the pain doesn't ever completely go away, but new things come, good things, and bad things, and neutral things, and it becomes easier to live with.”

“I-it's been ten years! It just g-got harder,” I whimpered, and Matteo squeezed me tightly, his fingers trembling against my skin.

“That's because this Dennis fucker is keeping you on the hook. He knows he's manipulating you and he's good at it, he's trying to hurt you. I promise it will be easier one day, and once he's eighteen, you can see him as often as you like. He clearly cares for you so much, Kieran, he'll remember that when he's old enough to make his own choices.”

“Besides,” Matteo spoke up softly, his fingertips digging into my ribs slightly. “When we're bonded, we can go for custody again, because I'll have rights to him.”

Dana looked at Matteo, her mouth open slightly in pure shock. “What? How does that work?”

Matteo sighed, pressing a soft kiss to the side of my head as I sniffled, my eyes closed tightly as I tried to resist the hope. “It's the law. If an alpha bonds to an omega who had a child with another alpha who never attempted to claim that omega, the new alpha has a legal claim to custody of that child.”

“That's bullshit,” Dana snapped. “So a random alpha can come in and snatch up the child, but the kid's omega parent has no legal footing? That's fucked.”

I nodded slightly, trembling as I pulled away from Matteo to look up into his eyes pleadingly. “Is that true?”

He nodded slowly, pulling me into a gentle kiss. “I looked it up as soon as I realised we could be mates and even had a lawyer check for me. It's true, and it would be stupidly easy for us to win full custody.”

“Matteo?”

“Yeah?”

“You and I are fucking bonding tomorrow!”

He chuckled sadly and I forced a small smile, nuzzling up to his throat and gently grabbing at his shoulder. “I'm just so glad I have some hope,” I mumbled, and he squeezed me tightly, pressing a soft kiss to the side of my head. 

“I'm going to help you, I promise,” he murmured, rubbing my back slowly as I squeezed my eyes shut so I couldn't cry any more tears.

There was a short silence and then Dana sighed quietly, getting up slowly. 

“Lunch is ready.”

 

I watched Matteo eat, trying to find my own appetite and failing miserably. The food smelled delicious, but I kept pushing it around on my plate, still feeling empty and sick and drained after crying for so long.

I looked up from my plate again and noticed the bruises on Matteo's right hand, his knuckles swollen and red, the one on his first finger split and raw. He saw me looking and we made eye contact for just a second before he went back to his food quickly.

He'd gone out to the garage to ‘move some boxes’ while I'd gone to wash my face before we'd sat down at the table, and now I was pretty sure that no boxes had been moved.

I decided not to say anything and forced myself to eat a small bite of my food, chewing it mindlessly as the numb feeling settled in. I could barely taste it as I ate, but under Matteo's watchful gaze, I managed a few bites of everything on my plate before pushing it away.

“You don't eat enough,” he said quietly, and I looked down sharply, biting my lip hard.

“Leave him alone,” Dana cut in gently, before I could respond. “He'll eat some pie, I'm sure, and he might eat later when he's feeling better, hmm?”

I nodded slightly and Matteo bristled, glaring down at his plate as he stabbed a piece of chicken with his fork. “I'm just worried about him.”

“I know,” I spoke up quietly, reaching over and laying my hand on his. “I just need to take this at my own pace, Matteo, I don't feel very good right now and I'm feeling everything so much more with being in heat and all...I'm a bit overwhelmed, but I'll be better soon.”

He relaxed slightly, his eyes coming back up to meet mine, his gaze worried and sad. “I felt your pain when I touched you, Kieran, for just a split second, it felt like I was fucking dying. I just want you to be okay.”

I smiled sadly, nodding slowly and squeezing his hand lightly. “I will be. Just maybe not today or tomorrow or the day after...not until I handle this new..experience and possibly come out the other side of my heat so my emotions become…less.”

“Do you feel like that every time you see him?”

“Not as intensely as that, but yeah..”

Matteo sighed and set his fork down quickly. “Next time you go see him, I'm driving you and I'm going to take you home after.”

I opened my mouth to argue and he drew himself up slightly, his eyes darkening. “As your _alpha_ , that's what I'm telling you is going to happen.”

“You can't just-”

“I can, because I know that it's what you want but would never ask for because your past relationships have made you feel like it would be a huge effort for me. It's not, it's not at all, especially when I know how much pain it causes you.”

I closed my eyes for a second, then nodded slightly, giving in. “You're right, as usual. I just...it hurts worse because it also makes me so happy. Hearing his voice and seeing his face just makes my day so much brighter and yet there's all this pain too.”

Matteo sighed and lifted my hand up, pressing a soft kiss to my skin. “We can do this together, I promise.”

“I believe you.”

Dana cleared her throat suddenly and we both jumped slightly, blushing as we realised we'd forgotten about her. “I'll go and get the pie, shall I?” She smiled brightly. “Now that you've sorted yourselves out.”

She got up and Matteo stood quickly, moving around to sit down next to me, his hand running over my back as I stared down at the table.

“I just want everything to be easy.”

“I know, hon,” Matteo sighed, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek and forcing a small smile. “You and me both. And you know what? It isn't and it won't be for a while, but one day it will be and until then we have each other. It sounds really cheesy, but it's true.”

I smiled to myself and nodded slightly, taking a deep breath as I stared down at my plate. “That is very cheesy.”

“I know,” Matteo chuckled, slipping his finger under my chin and gently turning my head to look at him. “I care about you so much..”

I leaned over and kissed him softly, smiling against his lips as he wrapped his arm around me tightly, kissing back eagerly, but breaking away just as Dana came back with a huge coconut cream pie, setting it down on the table triumphantly.

“That looks great, Ma, thank you!”

 

Matteo laughed when I protested to being carried into my apartment, but he stayed close, keeping a hand on my lower back as I walked through the door a little unsteadily.

“Do you feel better for some food?”

“A lot, but now I'd feel better for a nap,” I admitted, kicking my shoes off clumsily.

“That's okay. Let's take a nap, shall we?”

“Yeah...I feel awful.”

Matteo gently pulled me back when I tried to walk away, stroking my hair slowly. “Hey, what's wrong?”

I sighed and leaned into him, resting my head against his chest and closing my eyes. “I still feel sad and I feel nauseous and my stomach hurts and I still feel a bit...y'know. The pills are wearing off, put it that way.”

“I can smell it,” Matteo agreed softly, starting to walk me toward the bedroom with his arm wrapped around me tightly. “Do you think you'll be better after a rest?”

“I honestly don't know,” I mumbled, sitting down heavily on the edge of the bed and rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands. “I just want it to be over.”

“I know, baby,” Matteo sighed, sitting down next to me and stroking down my back slowly. “I'm sorry, but it's Sunday tomorrow and we can spend all day in bed.”

“That sounds good,” I yawned, nuzzling his neck gently. “I wish we could have sex again,” I added bluntly, and Matteo leaned down, kissing me softly.

“I do too, baby, but I'd feel so guilty after...I'm still struggling.”

“I know,” I murmured, stroking his cheek with shaky fingers as he pulled away. “I just want a cuddle.”

“Well, you can definitely have one of those,” Matteo chuckled, gently pushing me away. “Let's get changed first, though..”

It took a while and a lot of help for me to get changed into my sweats, as my head was getting more and more fuzzy and I was falling asleep sitting up while Matteo tried to help me with my shirt. He didn't seem to mind, gently helping me lay down and climbing under the covers behind me. I rolled over quickly, slipping my arms around his waist sleepily.

“That's it, get some rest, honey,” Matteo murmured, and I was asleep in seconds, safe in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long, I had a lot of trouble editing this chapter and I'm still not entirely sure it's my best, but it's up now anyway.   
> Please let me know if you're still enjoying this! <3


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: non detailed mention of rape

I woke up shaking and sweating, rolling over to try and grab onto Matteo, and finding the bed empty. I got up quickly, stumbling and steadying myself on the bed post before half running out of the bedroom. I let out a huge sigh of relief when I saw him at the table, papers spread out in front of him and his reading glasses on his nose.

He looked up and I nearly collapsed when he smiled at me. “Hey. You..” he slipped his glasses off and frowned, pushing the chair out next to him. “Come here, you look awful.”

I laughed shakily, overwhelmed and exhausted as I made my way over and fell back into the chair. “I h-had a nightmare..”

Matteo quickly gathered his papers up and set them aside, then scooted his chair closer to mine and wrapped his arms around me tightly. “Wanna talk about it?”

“I just dreamt what happened with Nathan again,” I mumbled, burying my face in his neck as he started to rub my back. “I'll be okay.”

“I'm sorry, hon,” he murmured, squeezing me gently. “And I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up.”

“You didn't know,” I pointed out softly, pulling away from his embrace carefully. “I think I need some sugar, is the pie still in the fridge?”

“Yeah, I'll go get you a slice, you stay there.”

“What's for dinner?”

Matteo chuckled quietly, getting up and walking to the fridge. “We just had lunch, baby. I guess you didn't eat much, though, did you? I think we have some pasta we could cook.”

“That sounds nice. I don't need anything super complicated or heavy, I just need something to eat.”

“That's okay, it's five thirty now so how about you have this pie and then I'll make some pasta in a bit?”

“Thank you, Matteo,” I sighed, leaning my elbows on the table and resting my chin in my hands. “I just feel so weak and useless.”

“It's alright, you'll be back on your feet soon,” Matteo pointed out quietly, walking over to me and handing me a plate and a fork. “There you go.”

He sat down next to me and began to spread the papers out again, slipping his reading glasses back on. I began to eat slowly, watching him tiredly. “What's that?”

“Student essays,” Matteo answered, picking one of them up and handing it to me. “I've got a lot of marking to do.”

“Are they any good?”

“Not really, but they're better than last semester, so I guess that's kind of a win,” he grinned, then gestured to me with his paper. “Don't get pie on them, but you can read as many as you want.”

“Thanks..it's more interesting than staring at the wall.”

“Only just,” Matteo joked, gently bumping my shoulder with his. “After I do maybe five more we can go watch some TV.”

“Don't stop working for me, though, I'll be fine.”

Matteo smiled and leaned over, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek. “I'm ahead of schedule, it's okay.”

I nodded slightly, looking down at the pie and picking up another bite with my fork. “Okay.”

Matteo went back to marking and I finished eating, then began to read with him, just enjoying the comfortable silence.

 

It took four more days for my heat to subside, and another two days after that before I felt confident enough to go back to work. Matteo was at work during the day, but every evening he'd come and cook for me, despite my protests that I could do it myself, and would curl up with me on the couch until I fell asleep in his arms.

I kept having nightmares about Nathan and Mike and even Dennis, and I would wake up in the middle of the night every night in a blind panic. I never woke Matteo, but I would often shift closer to him to go back to sleep.

The first day I went back to work, I spent the evening with Matteo at his place, then returned to mine to sleep. He'd told me that although he didn't mind keeping me company through the discomfort of my heat, he still needed space and didn't want to sleep together too often when I wasn't suffering.

It was lonely, but I was tired after a long day at work and managed to drift off without too much trouble. And this time, when I woke in the middle of the night shaking and terrified, I was glad Matteo wasn't there. Instead of rolling over to hug my alpha, I curled up and began to sob, crying softly until I was too exhausted to stay awake any longer.

 

I woke up the next morning to a phone call from Matteo and let it go to voicemail as I got up to get ready for work. Once I'd showered and dressed, I picked my phone up again and sighed, opening the text that was displayed on my home screen.  

_Matteo, 8:13_

_Just tried to call, Mom wants you to come over for dinner tonight. I guess you must be getting ready for work, so have a good day, hon_

I tossed my phone back onto the bed and went to get breakfast, my hands shaking as I poured cereal into a bowl. I ate my food without really tasting it, staring off at nothing and trying unsuccessfully to shake off the images from my dream.

 

I spent the whole day ignoring Matteo's increasingly worried texts, and got home to find him waiting on my doorstep. I walked up the steps slowly, staring at him impassively, already feeling numb and a little shaky.

“What are you doing here?”

Matteo blinked at my flat tone and tried a small smile, but he was clearly nervous. “You weren't answering your phone, I was worried something had happened.”

“I'm fine,” I answered shortly and the smile on his face faltered slightly as I got my keys out of my bag. 

“Then why weren't you answering me?”

I gritted my teeth and slipped past him, unlocking my door and opening it quickly. “Because I didn't want to.”

Matteo grabbed my arm gently and I felt like I'd been shocked with a bolt of electricity, shaking him off roughly and rounding on him. My chest was heaving, fear and anger flooding through me as I glared at him. 

“Don't touch me!”

He backed up a step quickly, his breathing short and fast as he held his hands up. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Kieran, please talk to me, if I've done something wrong, I don't know what it is.”

I looked up into his soft brown eyes, round and worried and a little wet and began to relax, just as I remembered the look in his eyes in my dream.

I slipped through the door, slamming and locking it behind me and starting to sob heavily. Matteo tried the handle and knocked on the door, calling out to me, but I just dumped my coat on the floor and hurried to the bedroom, throwing myself down onto the bed to cry.

My phone buzzed after an indefinite amount of time, and I picked it up shakily, reading the text a couple of times. 

_Matteo, 17:38_

_I'm so sorry for grabbing you today, I shouldn't have done that. I wish you'd talk to me, though. You didn't seem like yourself, and if something happened or if I did something wrong, I want you to know that you're safe to tell me anything. I care for you so so much, Kieran xxx_

I wanted to throw my phone against the wall and scream, let out all my frustration and pain and confusion, but instead I just put my phone down on the bedside table carefully. Then I walked across the room, climbing into my nest slowly to sleep off the horrible shaky feeling that always followed such strong fear.

 

I woke up when my phone rang again and growled to myself, heaving myself to my feet to grab it off the bedside table. The caller ID said Ben, so I picked it up sleepily, running a hand through my hair slowly.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Kieran,” Ben said quietly, sounding a little worried and uncertain. “How's it going?”

“You're calling for Matteo, aren't you?” I asked flatly, and Ben gave a long sigh.

“Yeah. But I'm not going to tell you what to do, I just want to hear your side. Are you okay?”

“Physically I'm fine,” I answered, sitting down on the edge of the bed and looking down at the sheets.

“But mentally?”

“I've been having really bad nightmares and they got worse,” I replied simply, rubbing one eye with the heel of my spare hand.

Ben hesitated slightly, then spoke gently. “So you being upset isn't directly caused by something he did?”

“Not directly, no,” I mumbled, picking at a loose thread on the bed sheets in an attempt to distract myself from the strong emotions swirling in my stomach. “But I can't be around him right now, I don't feel safe.”

“What if I came over with him and we had a talk?” Ben suggested quietly, and I shook my head slowly, swallowing hard.

“No. Not today, at least, I need some time.”

There was another short pause and a soft sigh from the other end before Ben went on.

“Okay. If I can't get you in a room with him, how about a phone call?”

I shivered slightly and shook my head quickly, taking a deep breath. “No, I don't want to see him or talk to him for at least twenty four hours. Tell him...please tell him I care about him, I just need to be alone. And tell him I'm going to turn my phone off when this conversation is over, but I'm okay, I just need time truly by myself.”

“Alright, Kieran, I can't argue with that. Can I call you in the morning?”

“Yeah,” I mumbled sleepily, looking down at the carpet again and poking at it with my toe. “I know he'll want to know if I'm okay.”

“Of course he will. He told me when he asked me to call you to say he misses you and he cares for you so much. He also told me to tell you he's sorry, but not what for.”

“I know what for,” I sighed, leaning my head back to stare up at the ceiling for a moment or two. “Okay. Thank you Ben, I just wished we talked when there wasn't an impending disaster looming over us.”

Ben chuckled softly. “I was going to point out that this isn't really as catastrophic as the earlier one, but then I remembered how much of a drama queen Matteo can be. Look, I'll speak to you tomorrow, have a good night.”

“You too.”

 

I did not have a good night, as was becoming normal for me, and woke up exhausted. I went to work anyway but Andy sent me home as soon as he took one look at my face, telling me I could phone in and rest.

I got a call from Ben around lunchtime and picked it up reluctantly, staring out of the window at the rain splashing onto the driveway. 

“Hey,” he said softly, and I leaned back on the sofa, rubbing my eyes shakily.

“Hi.”

“How are you doing, Kieran?”

“Pretty terrible,” I answered honestly. “I had more nightmares last night.”

“I'm really sorry to hear that,” Ben said sincerely, and I knew he meant it. “Look, I'm with Matteo right now and he's...he's still really worried, would you feel up to talking to him for just a couple minutes?”

“I don't want to talk on the phone,” I began quietly, looking down at my lap and forcing myself to breathe evenly. “But he can come over after five as long as someone else comes.”

“Alright, I'll bring him over after five. Do you need anything, Kieran? Anything I can help with?”

“No, but thank you, Ben.”

“No problem. I'll see you soon.”

 

There was a knock on my door at one minute past five and I got up quickly, opening it a little hesitantly. Matteo immediately stepped forward as if to hug me, but stopped himself and backed away quickly, looking down at the ground sharply. I didn't say anything and just moved aside to let them in, watching them take their shoes off.

“I haven't been here since the move in,” Ben commented to break the ice as he looked around. “I really like what you've done with it, it's very homely and cosy.”

“Thank you. Do you um..do you want a drink?” I asked nervously, and he shook his head, flashing me a bright smile. 

“I'm fine thanks, I just want you two to sort this out. Shall we go sit down?”

I nodded and walked into the living room, taking the armchair and curling up in it so the two brothers had to sit on the couch.

“So you've been having nightmares,” Ben began gently, but Matteo looked up sharply, his eyes full of hurt and worry as he stared at me. 

“I told you about my nightmares, why is this so different?”

I gave a small shrug, looking away hurriedly so I didn't have to look into those eyes. “You'd be really upset.”

“I'm upset now!” Matteo laughed shakily, then buried his face in his hands for a second. “Are the nightmares about me?”

I nodded slightly, dull fear sitting low in my stomach as I stared back at him, my hands shaking slightly in my lap. 

“Am I hurting you in them?”

I nodded again, my nose starting to sting, and Matteo got up abruptly, making me flinch. “I need a second, hon,” he mumbled, and slipped into the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Ben looked at me sadly and leaned forward in his seat, folding his hands in front of him. “He wouldn't ever hurt you, Kieran. He cares about you so much, you should see the way he talks about you when you're not there, his eyes light up and everything. You both need a little comfort right now, why don't you comfort each other?”

I sighed, rubbing my face with my fingers vigorously and trying to ignore the tears starting to well up in my eyes. “It's not that simple. I _know_ he wouldn't hurt me, but I'm still scared.”

“How about you swap places with me for when he comes back? You can get used to being with him slowly..”

I eventually agreed and we switched places just as Matteo came back in. It was obvious he'd been crying as he sat down next to me slowly, as his eyes were red and his cheeks were stained with tears. 

I was shaking ever so slightly, staring down at my hands as Matteo shifted a touch closer to me, his movements hesitant and a little jerky. 

“Kieran?”

I looked up at him, forcing myself to take a deep, calming breath and he smiled at me,  opening his arms invitingly. “Do you want a hug?”

I nodded just slightly, feeling the tears already threatening to spill over as I moved towards him slowly. Half of me was screaming and fighting, trying to convince the rest of me that he would slam me to the couch and do whatever he wanted to me. The other half of me just wanted to feel his warm body against mine and let his comforting scent wash over me until I couldn't keep my eyes open.

I fell into Matteo's arms and he hugged me loosely, pressing a soft kiss to the side of my head. “Its okay, Kieran,” he murmured as I quickly nuzzled up to his neck and let the scent fill me up and calm me down. “You're okay, baby.”

I grabbed at his shirt, my hands shaking as he hugged me a little tighter, careful to be nice and gentle. “Shh, it's okay, it's okay,” he soothed, but the emotion was getting stronger, filling my stomach with anger, confusion, guilt, and sadness on top of the dull fear, and it was all getting far too much. I tugged on his shirt gently just before I began to cry, sobbing softly at first, but soon dissolving into heavy, heaving cries. Matteo's grip tightened slowly and he began to rock me ever so slightly, stroking my hair over and over.

“Shh, baby, I'm here, I'm here. Whatever is hurting you, we can talk about it until you feel better.”

I heard the front door open and shut quietly and pulled away from Matteo hurriedly to find Ben's chair empty. Matteo ran his hand over my back slowly, humming to me soothingly. “It's okay, he's just waiting outside. Right by the front door...do you wanna talk about these dreams?”

I swallowed hard, moving away from him slightly as I dried my cheeks with my sleeve, my hands shaking. “I...I'm scared, Matteo..”

“What of, beautiful?” He asked gently, reaching over and taking one of my hands as carefully as he could. “You can tell me anything, baby..”

“I know it's irrational, I _know_ that, but I keep dreaming about what happened with Nathan and Dennis and even Mike, and I keep dreaming that it went further with them...and then I started dreaming that you were doing it to me, too. And I know you wouldn't hurt me, b-but I can't get them out of my head!”

I whimpered softly, grabbing at my hair, but Matteo gently untangled my fingers and held both of my hands a little tighter. “Hey, look at me. I would _never_ do anything like that to you, I care about you so much and I'm just not that type of person. But I understand, baby. I do, and I don't blame you and I'm not upset with you. I just wish you would have told me. I hate knowing you're upset and knowing I can't help or I'm just making it worse.”

I sniffed and managed a small smile when he squeezed my hands gently, as I was finally starting to relax in his company. 

“Do you wanna talk about all this?”

I nodded shakily and Matteo got up slowly, kissing my forehead and smiling at me soothingly. “I'm going to tell Ben he can go, okay?”

I swallowed, but let him go, hearing a short hushed conversation before Matteo walked back over to the sofa, still smiling. 

“Can I sit next to you?”

I nodded again and Matteo sat down slowly, offering me his hand  I took it carefully and curled up, hugging my knees to my chest with my other arm as Matteo rubbed his thumb over my knuckles lightly, watching my face worriedly. “I'm here to listen, honey. Tell me whatever you want..”

I looked down at my knees, then closed my eyes, my fingers trembling in his. “I don't have a very good family. They're...okay. I don't talk to them much anymore, though. I..I was raised by nannies, basically, my parents are rich so they didn't want to touch their own child. I wasn't really allowed to play with many other kids and my mom was terrible at talking to me. I was never really taught about omegas, because what we got in school about these things was terrible and completely uninformative. So when I went into heat the first time, I had no idea what was happening to me. I knew Dennis from doing a school project with him a year ago, and he just happened to be the person closest to me when it happened. We were in the hall between classes, and he just grabbed me and dragged me into the bathroom. He..well, we have a son so you can guess what happened,” I said bitterly, closing my eyes tightly so I didn't have to see Matteo's expression.

“These teachers came in while we were tied and I was so scared, I didn't know why I couldn't get away, and the fear was so bad I couldn't even feel my heat. There were two teachers and they separated us and sent Dennis to the office. Of course, as soon as he was gone, I started begging again and feeling unsatisfied and..” I swallowed hard and Matteo squeezed my hand gently, bringing my attention back to him as I opened my eyes. 

“It's okay. You don't have to give details,” he murmured, moving a tad closer to me. “I know what you mean..”

I nodded slightly and rubbed my eyes with the heel of my hand, looking away from him again. “I got sent home after. I think I was knotted a total of five times that day, and I went home feeling so disgusted with myself, I just cried for hours and hours.”

I swallowed again and Matteo began to rub my shin slowly, his expression worried and caring as I went on. 

“You..you know what happened with Nathan,” I said quietly, giving a small shrug. “But one form of that or another has happened in every relationship I've had, except you and Mike, but I think it would have if Mike and I weren't in a public place..” I trailed off and then shook my head slightly. “Every alpha I've ever dated raped me. Whether it was during my heat or just straight up force like with Nathan, it has never not happened to me. It makes it hard to trust you, especially when I then have nightmares about you hitting me and forcing me. I just...I can't deal with it anymore. I can't do that again, I can't get hurt again..”

Matteo got up slowly and moved around so he could lean over and kiss my forehead, tilting my chin up gently as I looked up at him uncertainly. 

“Look at me. I would _never_ do that. And I won't let anyone else lay a finger on you, okay? I know you're scared and I don't blame you at all, Kieran. Can I have a hug?”

I nodded quickly and he scooped me up, grinning to himself as I wrapped my legs around his waist hurriedly and buried my face in my neck. He hugged me tightly, walking me towards the bedroom slowly and very carefully laying me down on the bed. He slipped his shirt off and climbed up next to me, smiling brightly as I quickly curled up close to him, not quite touching him.

“I'm just gonna lay here with you,” he murmured, reaching over to stroke my hair slowly, his touch gentle and soothing and already making me sleepy. “My beautiful little omega. You're so sweet, honey. So handsome and so kind and cute.”

I turned my face into the pillow to try and hide my rising blush, but Matteo just chuckled softly and pulled the blanket over me, his arm wrapping around my waist. I closed my eyes sleepily, finally feeling safe and content for the first time in several days. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're getting a little better at sorting things out :)  
> I hope you guys are still enjoying this, I'm sorry it takes me quite a while to get stuff up.   
> I love reading your comments, so don't be shy! <3


	18. Chapter Eighteen

The next few days were a bit touch and go. Sometimes I couldn't get enough contact, pressing myself into Matteo's chest, and then other times almost having a panic attack when he touched my hand.

He was patient and kind and gentle through it all, though, and nearly always remembered to ask first before touching me.

After that week, things at work started to get a little frantic for the both of us, and for the next two weeks or so, we saw very little of each other.

He called me on a Saturday morning, however, sounding worried when I picked up.

“I forgot, it's the first weekend of the month!”

“Yeah,” I said quietly, finishing the last couple buttons on my shirt. “I asked Dennis if you could come and he said yes after a bit of negotiating.”

“When were you gonna tell me?” Matteo asked, suddenly panicky.

I chuckled softly and walked into the bathroom, putting the phone on speaker as I started to style my hair. “I was gonna call as soon as I was dressed, I thought it would be a nice surprise.”

“Wait, so I actually get to meet him today?”

“Yeah, you do, but I have no idea what Dennis has told him about you. I don't know what's going to happen.”

“Okay, that's okay. Um. What time are you leaving?”

“At about eleven.”

“I'll drive.”

“Alright,” I smiled, finishing my hair and washing the gel off my hands quickly. “I got you a gift for him, I hope that's okay.”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“Oh, just a notebook for school with superheroes on it and some pencils. He's got a huge collection of notebooks, they're one of his favourite things.”

Matteo laughed and I heard rustling in the background. “That's adorable. Is there anything else I need to know?”

“No, not really. I'll bring some drawing stuff and maybe some games, he can be a little shy and it should help break the ice.”

“Okay. Should I bring anything?”

“No, don't worry about it. Just yourself.”

“Alright. I'll be there as soon as I'm ready..”

 

Matteo held my hand the whole car ride, but I kept quiet, leaning my head on the window.

“What's wrong?” He asked quietly after about half an hour, and I gave a small sigh.

“I'm not looking forward to seeing Dennis after all those nightmares I had recently on top of all the emotions from seeing Pete.”

Matteo squeezed my hand gently, glancing over at me worriedly. “I didn't think of that. Is that partly why you wanted me to come today?”

“Yeah,” I admitted softly, looking down at my lap. “Sorry.”

“Hey, don't be,” Matteo soothed, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles slowly. “I'm not upset, and I'm honestly kind of glad that you feel I can protect you. What did you tell him about us?”

“The truth,” I said simply. “I told him we're mates and that we're waiting to bond until we feel ready.”

“Okay. So I'm probably going to get a grilling.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “It's impossible to tell with Dennis. He'll either grill you for ages or completely ignore you, there's no in between.”

“Do you know what Pete knows about me?”

“No clue. I know that Dennis has given him ‘the talk’ though, so it's possible that he knows as much as I told his dad.”

“Alright. I'm just trying to get prepared, you know?” He said, smiling at me as he turned into the restaurant parking lot. “You feeling okay?”

“No, but I'm excited to see my son,” I answered honestly, unbuckling my seat belt as soon as Matteo had parked.

We walked inside and got a table near the back, and I sat down with my chin in my hands and my elbows on the table. Matteo smiled at me softly, reaching over to rub my arm.

“Let's focus on having a nice time.”

“I'll try.”

Matteo glanced towards the door as the bell rang and I turned quickly, grinning when I saw Dennis and Pete. I got up hurriedly and walked over, pulling Pete into a tight hug and smiling even wider when he hugged me back as tight as he could.

“It's so good to see you, Petey!” I gasped, pulling away gently and ruffling his hair lightly. He laughed and pushed my hand away quickly. “Hey, Daddy.”

Dennis tapped my shoulder, then grabbed my arm when I stood up and pulled me in close. I swallowed hard, panic rising in my throat, my breathing already becoming short and quick. “If that fucker you brought with you lays a finger on Pete, I'll kill you, do you understand me?”

Sudden fury cut through the terror and I shook him off me violently, glaring up at him. “If you think I'd let anyone hurt my son, you're out of your fucking mind,” I hissed, then leaned down and grabbed Pete's hand gently, walking away from Dennis as the rage settled. Matteo was standing up now, and he gave me a worried look as I walked up, letting go of Pete's hand.

“Petey, this is Matteo, he's a really good friend of mine,” I said uncertainly, and Matteo held out his hand. They shook hands seriously and we sat down, Matteo next to me and Pete across from me. He looked at me curiously, then glanced at Matteo.

“Dad said you guys were...mates? Does that mean he owns you, Daddy?”

Matteo and I both stiffened slightly, but Matteo jumped in easily before I could speak.

“It means that we're the right people for each other, that's all,” he began slowly, obviously thinking as he spoke. “We have a special relationship because we were destined to be together.”

I swallowed nervously, but Pete seemed satisfied, nodding slightly as he stared at Matteo curiously. “What's bonding?”

Matteo glanced at me and I smiled, nudging him gently to encourage him to go on. “Bonding is something that happens between mates, it's voluntary and equal between the two, whether the two people are an omega and an alpha or any other pairing,” Matteo smiled, grabbing my hand under the table and squeezing it lightly. “Alpha and omega bonds are the strongest, and mates can share emotions and experiences through the bond. It's a way of becoming even closer.”

Pete looked at me with wide eyes, smiling excitedly. “Will I get to bond one day?”

I blinked and took a deep breath, then shrugged slowly. “Well, yeah, most likely. If you grew up to be an omega or an alpha, it would be more likely.”

“Dad took me to the doctors for a test,” Pete smiled, leaning back slightly in childish pride. “The doctor said I'm an omega.”

I froze completely, and Matteo rubbed over my skin with his thumb slowly, speaking up quickly so I didn't have to.

“That's great, Pete. What has your Dad told you about omegas?”

Pete looked at me suddenly and I swallowed hard. “He said Daddy would explain.”

“Oh,” I mumbled, relaxing slightly and forcing myself to take a few deep breaths. Matteo let go of my hand to rest it on my back instead, watching me worriedly as I tried to gather my thoughts.

“Well, Petey...being an omega is...there's good things and there's not so good things, and I want to be totally honest with you. I wouldn't change who I am if I got the choice, I love being able to have children and I love being more emotional and caring. I love the fact that my alpha cares for me and will help me when I need,” I said slowly, not wanting to scare him, but knowing from experience that not telling him the whole truth would be worse. “But we go through these things called heats. They usually come a little irregularly when you first start getting them at around sixteen, but because I'm a bit older, I get them every month. Your dad has talked to you about sex, right?”

Peter nodded quickly, listening with wide eyes as I went on.

“Okay. Well, heats are essentially a way of pushing an omega towards having a baby with someone. When you're in heat, it's very difficult to think properly and you start to really desire alphas around you. You let off a different smell that makes alphas excited and your body prepares you for sex. You can take pills to stop your heats completely, which you have to take before your heat starts, or you can take other medication to calm the effects. I usually take some medication when it starts so that I feel more normal, because heats can also be a little painful, you get stomach cramps and sometimes get nauseous, but it only lasts for a few days.”

Matteo glanced at me and then cut in quietly, smiling at Peter. “It's very important that if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend that they'll take care of you when you don't feel good. I always take care of your dad, I bring him everything he needs and I stay with him until he feels better. If your partner isn't willing to do that, then they're definitely not your mate.”

Pete blinked, then stared at me for a second. “How much does it hurt?”

I smiled sadly and shook my head slightly. “It's different for everyone, but it's just like a stomach ache for me. Usually taking a little pain medication and having a hot pack makes me feel okay. But look, Pete, has Dad told you what consent is?”

Peter nodded quickly, still wide eyed and serious. “He says you have to make sure that if you're having sex, that the other person does really want to.”

Matteo's fingers curled against my back, but he didn't say anything.

“Yeah, that's right,” I smiled, nodding encouragingly. “But there's some really important parts of consent for you as an omega. Did you know that drunk people can't give consent?”

Pete nodded slowly, so I went on. “Okay. Well, neither can omegas in heat. It's very difficult, because you'll want it so badly you'll be asking, but you can't think properly about what's happening, so no one should touch you while you're in heat unless it was already agreed on before you went into heat.”

Matteo's hand slid over to my shoulder and he smiled at Pete. “A lot of alphas will say that it's too hard to resist and that it's not their job, but they're wrong. It is possible to resist and it's part of an alpha's duty to the people around them to be considerate of consent.”

“Is being an omega bad?” Pete asked slowly, as if he'd been thinking about it for a while, and I shook my head quickly. 

“No, baby, of course not. You are an amazing, bright, sweet person and you'll grow up into a fantastic young man. Omegas aren't treated very well under the law, but that's just the law, okay? Omegas are just as important as everyone else.”

I reached over and took his hands carefully, squeezing them gently. “If you ever have any questions for me, no matter how embarrassing it might seem, you ask me, okay? Or you can ask Matteo, too, he knows a lot about this stuff.”

Pete looked at Matteo in confusion, then back at me. “How come he knows so much? He's an alpha.”

Matteo cleared his throat softly and smiled at me before he spoke. “I was bonded to another omega when I was seventeen, and he died when we were both twenty two. I got a second chance with your dad to be happy, but it means I know a lot about bonding and things because I've done it and been there with my previous partner.”

I nodded slightly, and Pete stared at him for a second. “How did he die?”

“Pete, I-” I began quickly, but Matteo cut me off gently.

“He was shot at university.”

Pete looked at him with wide eyes, then frowned, suddenly seeming much less excitable. “I'm sorry.”

“It's okay, it's been a few years now and I'm handling it. Should we order some food?”

 

Once the awkward conversation was out of the way, I brought out the gift and Matteo handed it over to Pete, who solemnly told him it would be a good addition to his collection. Matteo couldn't stop smiling and him and Pete were soon joking around while we played some board games.

I completely lost track of time, and when Dennis was suddenly standing over the table, my heart sank all the way to my stomach. Matteo stood up quickly, holding out his hand politely. “I'm Matteo, it's good to meet you.”

Dennis shot him a glance and Matteo awkwardly shoved his hand back in his pocket, glancing back at me uncertainly. 

“Pete, go get in the car,” Dennis said quickly, handing him the keys. I got up hurriedly and gently brushed past Matteo to give Pete a hug, desperate to hold my not so little boy. 

“I'll see you again soon, I promise,” I murmured, and he buried his face in my chest, squeezing me tightly.

“Thank you for talking to me, Daddy.”

“Anytime,” I murmured, gently pushing him away so I could look him in the eyes, one hand on his cheek. “If you wanna ask me anything else, just ask, okay? I'm right here for you.”

Pete nodded, smiling up at me brightly. “Okay. I'll see you soon.”

“Of course,” I answered softly, stroking his hair as I straightened up. “Have a good rest of your weekend.”

He waved to Matteo quickly, and I watched him go, my hands shaking slightly by my sides.

“Kieran.”

I looked at Dennis sharply and he attempted a grim smile. “Peter has a cell phone now, I'm going to give him your number. You're..you're right about him only having one omega in his life, and I don't want him to end up pregnant at sixteen, so I think you should make sure he knows about what he is.”

“Okay,” I said simply, feeling Matteo's arm slide around my waist protectively, but forcing myself not to react.

“I'll see you next month,” Dennis muttered, turning around and walking out slowly without another word. 

“What a fucking dickhead,” Matteo growled, and I noticed with surprise that he was shaking slightly.

“Yeah. He um...he's a bastard,” I chuckled, turning around and putting my hands on Matteo's cheeks soothingly. “What's wrong?”

He closed his eyes tightly, his jaw clenching under my touch. “I don't...fuck..it's an alpha thing, I just get so angry seeing him...he hurt you before and he's being a cunt now and it just makes me so fucking uncontrollably angry..”

I pulled him into a soft kiss, running one hand down over his neck as I broke away and flashed him a bright smile. “I'm okay, Matteo, I am. I'm doing a lot better today, but I do want to go home.”

“All I wanna do is beat the shit out of him,” Matteo sighed, taking a deep breath and smiling at me sadly. “I'm sorry, hon.”

“It's okay,” I soothed, taking his hand and gently starting to lead him toward the door. “This isn't like you, though.”

“It isn't me,” Matteo said firmly, opening the car door for me when we got outside. “It's the alpha talking, it's not me. I'll be okay in a few minutes, I just need to get it back under control.”

“Alright.”

I buckled my seatbelt and watched him get in the car, leaning his head back and closing his eyes for a few moments. I reached over and took his hand and he smiled, his eyes still closed.

“I'm really feeling good, Matteo,” I said quietly, squeezing his hand gently. “I get to talk to my son directly for the first time since I was in the hospital after giving birth. I know it's not much, but...I feel good. And having that talk with him today made me so fucking happy. I'm worried about him, I don't want this for him, but...but I get to talk to him about it. And Dennis is finally recognising that he needs me.”

Matteo opened his eyes and leaned over, pulling me into a soft kiss. “I am so happy for you, honey. I really am. I just...I don't know why he had to be such a dick about it.”

I gave a small shrug and kissed him again briefly, then smiled again. “I'm used to him. He's always a dick.”

Matteo brushed his thumb over my cheek and sat back in his seat with a sort of finality to his movement. “I know...I'm just...I'm sorry. Let's get home, I wanna talk to you about some stuff.”

“Should I be worried?” I joked softly as he buckled up his seatbelt and started the car. He shot me a smile and put it in reverse, backing out of the parking space slowly. 

“Nah, I just wanna lay down with you and talk in bed, I'm really tired. Getting angry like that really takes it out of me.”

“Okay,” I hummed, watching a family walk past back to their car, a little boy being led along between his two dads. “I'm really glad you and Pete got on so well, though, it was really nice to see.”

“Yeah,” Matteo agreed quietly, smiling to himself as he turned onto the main road. “He was really nice to be around, very polite and fun.”

“I wish I could take credit,” I chuckled softly, leaning my head on the window again and feeling Matteo's hand landing on my thigh.

“He looks up to you so much, it was obvious. You have had a hand in his life, and you'll get to have a bigger one now.”

“I know, I just...God, I'm getting depressed again, I was so determined to feel good. But I know I can't get that time back, you know? Ten whole years.”

“I know, but you have years and years ahead of you to be with him,” Matteo pointed out gently, stroking his thumb over my skin a few times. “He's never going to stop caring for you, I could tell.”

“Teenagers can be fickle,” I smiled, but nodded slightly, taking a deep breath. “But I hope you're right.”

“When am I not?” Matteo grinned, moving his hand back to the wheel. “Look, I wanted to talk about this later, but we might as well talk about it now, I'm feeling a lot better. I'm going to go back to therapy about Joey for a while, I'm...seeing you with Pete today made me really want to be ready to bond with you. I want to be there to help you fight for him and I want...more than anything, I want _you_. If there was a way we could bond without me losing what I have left of Joey, we would be bonding tonight, I just still can't let go, and it makes me so frustrated every day, but...I need some help.”

I sighed, pulling my knees up and hugging them loosely. “You don't need to be frustrated on my account, if that helps. I can't wait to bond with you and obviously having more time with Pete is something I've wanted for years, but...it took me years to find you and I'm used to missing Pete, I can be patient, y'know? I'd rather wait a few more weeks or months or years and do this properly than rush it all and hurt you.”

“I know, honey, and I'm really glad you said that out loud, it does make me feel better. I'm still frustrated for my own sake, though. And after today, I really really want to have a family with you. I need to work on letting go and finding other ways to feel connected with him. I know this therapist I went to when Joey first passed away, I went to her for about a year and honestly...I think along with my family, she's one of the biggest reasons I survived the loss. She knows the situation and I think she can help me. It means there'll be another afternoon I can't spend with you..”

I glanced at him and reached over, rubbing his arm gently. “Whatever you think you need, I'll support you,” I said softly, and he smiled to himself, making me feel ten times better about myself and us. 

“I really care for you, Kieran. You mean so much to me," Matteo murmured sincerely, taking a slow breath. "I'm so glad I found you." 

“I feel exactly the same..” I smiled simply, leaning my head back against the headrest and closing my eyes as I allowed myself to relax.

“Why don't you take a nap? It's still half an hour to home.”

“Yeah, okay. I do feel kinda tired..”

Matteo turned the radio on quietly, and the motion of the car along with the soft music made me start to feel sleepy, settling back into my seat comfortably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a fairly short chapter, I know, but I hope you liked getting to see Matteo and Peter meet for the first time :)


	19. Chapter Nineteen

A couple months after Matteo first met Pete, my birthday rolled around again. Matteo had come to every meeting I'd had with Pete and they'd gotten along even better each time. I was getting a weekly phone call with my son now, and it was so nice to be able to hear his voice and talk with him about normal things on a more regular basis. Matteo seemed to be doing well in his therapy, and although he usually came away from his sessions tired and upset, he would let me comfort him and he said that it was helping him.

My birthday happened to fall on a Saturday, and I knew Matteo was overjoyed. He let me sleep in late, then woke me up with a delicious breakfast, sitting in bed with me while we ate.

I was just finishing my food when he nudged me gently, smiling at me as I looked up.

“We're going for dinner at this really nice restaurant in town and then we're gonna go see that movie you wanted to see. Does that sound good?”

I grinned and pulled him into a quick kiss, lingering against his lips ever so slightly as I pulled away. “Anything with you would be a great birthday.”

“Oh okay, in that case let's skip dinner and a movie and just sleep until tomorrow,” Matteo joked, and I gently patted his cheek. 

“You asshole,” I laughed, kissing him again and grinning as he broke away. “You know what I mean.”

“I do,” he smiled, getting up and taking my empty plate away quickly. “Come into the living room, there's presents and cards..”

“Yes sir,” I chuckled, slipping out of bed and not bothering to put a shirt on before walking into the living room. Matteo put the plates in the dishwasher and then wandered out to me, kissing my cheek as he sat down next to me, then leaning forward to grab the stack of cards off the table. He put them in my lap and grinned at me, rubbing my leg lightly. 

“Is it a no shirt day?”

“For you, absolutely, all day, but I'm gonna go put one on later when I get sick of looking at myself,” I laughed, watching him as he slipped his tee shirt off. He set it aside and frowned at me, then tugged me into a gentle kiss, his fingers brushing over my jaw. 

“You look stunning, Kieran.”

I heaved a huge sigh and shook my head slightly, looking away from him in vague embarrassment. “I've put on weight lately and I've got stretch marks everywhere and my C-section scar..”

“I like all those things,” Matteo pouted, his hands on my cheeks with his thumbs stroking over my cheekbones. “You were really skinny before, Kieran, you look healthier now, and those scars and marks just remind me of how strong you are. I think you have an amazing body.”

I sighed and set the cards aside, getting up quickly as my hands started to shake. “I can't, I'm sorry, Matteo. I'm gonna go put a shirt on, I can't talk about this.”

“That's okay, honey,” he soothed, reaching out quickly to take my hand and gently pulling me back. “Do what makes you comfortable, okay?”

I nodded slightly and he handed me his shirt, smiling sadly. “Put this on, hon, I know it's a little big, but I want you to open your cards.”

I slipped the shirt on quickly, hugging myself and closing my eyes as his scent flooded over me.

“Come on, Kieran. Come sit with me.”

I threw myself down quickly, curling up and leaning into his side as he wrapped his arm around me and put the cards back in my lap.

“Get opening, you've got a lot to get through.”

“Yes sir,” I smiled, and he chuckled, squeezing me gently as I picked up the first card, already beginning to relax and forget about what had just happened. “I never get this many.”

“It's because of me, I'm making you popular.”

“Is that right? How many friends do you have again?”  

“Shut up.”

I giggled softly and opened the envelope quickly, sliding out a small card with a duck on it. I opened it up and smiled as I read the bottom. _Love from Dana and Robert._

I got cards from Ben and Lexi, Andy, and a couple of my clients as well, but I recognised the handwriting on the penultimate card immediately and tried to throw it in the trash pile. Matteo fished it out quickly, handing it back to me insistently and raising his eyebrow as I pulled a face. “Come on, I wanna know what's inside.”

I rolled my eyes, but reluctantly started to open the envelope anyway. “It's from my mom.” I slid the card out and opened it without really looking at the design on the front.

_Kieran,_

_I miss you and I love you. I haven't seen you in over a year now, are you going to come visit soon? I am hosting a large benefit next week and I hope you will be able to attend, it would be lovely to see you. The details are in an email I've sent you._

_Hope to see you there,_

_Lorraine_

“Can I read?”

I handed it over to Matteo wordlessly and looked down at the last card in my lap, once again recognising the handwriting. I'd seen it scrawled all over student essays and in little notes Matteo sometimes put in my work bag.

“That doesn't sound so bad,” he said quietly, handing my mother's card back to me. “It's not exactly gushing, though.”

“Yeah, I don't know. Having any contact with her at all upsets me. And she's worse than Dennis about Peter. She'll complain about never getting to see him one minute and then refer to him as ‘that horrible mistake’ the next.”

“Maybe it is that bad,” Matteo conceded, watching as I set the ugly card aside with the rest. “I'm sorry, Kieran.”

“It's okay. I'm just tempted to show up to one of these things and tell her to fuck off in front of all her rich friends.”

Matteo chuckled softly and kissed my cheek, leaning into my side slightly. “We could go, y'know. And maybe not swear at her, but show her how well you're doing without her?”

I shrugged, picking up the last envelope eagerly, wanting to get on with it so I could see the card Matteo had gotten me. “Maybe. I don't want to spend today thinking about her, though. It's my day.”

“That's true,” he hummed, pulling me closer to him as I slid the card out of the envelope. It was fairly nondescript, with a picture of a dog wearing glasses on the front, and I found myself a little disappointed. However, when I opened it up, the inside of the card was covered in the same spidey handwriting, and I smiled to myself as I began to read. 

_My dear Kieran,_

_It's your first birthday that I get to spend with you, and I'm so glad I get to be with you today. When I first saw you a few months ago, I thought you were incredibly handsome, but just another handsome guy who would be in my life for a few days and then be gone. The day I realised I'd found my new mate was...I'd like to be able to say that it was the happiest day of my life, but in truth, it was mostly just confusing. I was so relieved and happy and worried and sad and even a little angry, and it was so hard to handle. But now I know that it should have been the happiest day of my life, because you mean so much to me. You make me want to be better. I'm sorry that I still struggle to talk about my feelings. I'm sorry that sometimes I'm not there for you when you need. I'm sorry that sometimes I have bad days. I'm sorry that sometimes I have nightmares. I'm sorry that I'm not ready to be with you wholly and properly. But I'm working on all of that, for you and for myself, and I know we're going to be okay._

_Yours forever,_

_Matteo_

I felt the tears spill down my cheeks and turned, accidentally dropping the card as I threw my arms around his neck. He chuckled, hugging me tightly while I buried my face in his neck shakily, my fingers curling against his back. “Th-thank you!”

Matteo guided me into his lap and pulled me even closer, one hand sliding up to tangle in my hair ever so gently. “Thank you for being with me,” he murmured, squeezing me tightly. “Thank you.”

I wanted to say it, I wanted to shout out those three words on the tip of my tongue, but I was too scared. I was so scared that he would panic and leave, so I settled for curling up in his lap and pressing myself against him happily, alone in the love burning in my stomach. 

 

The rest of the day passed with a lot less emotion, but it was still a lot of fun. I opened some presents, including a lovely soft sweater and some new hot packs from Matteo, who admitted that he couldn't afford much. I'd assured him it was okay and kissed him until he felt better, which hadn't really taken long.

Dinner was delicious and relaxed, and the movie was fun and entertaining. It was so nice to go to the movies again and hold someone's hand or rest my head on someone's shoulder. Nathan had been very against PDA, even in the dark, and I loved being able to sit there and touch Matteo's hand and arm and shoulder as much as I wanted.

By the time we got back to my apartment, I was getting tired, so Matteo led me inside and poured me a glass of champagne, kissing me up against the counter.

We stood there for a while, kissing rather chastely, but enjoying the moment until Matteo set his glass aside and gently took mine from me, then pulled me into another, but this time fairly quick kiss.

He took my hand and laced our fingers, starting to lead me toward the bedroom slowly. I followed him, squeezing his hand and assuming that he wanted to cuddle until he pushed the door open to reveal burning incense and candles, rose petals scattered on the bed, and a condom and lube set out on the bedside table.

Matteo looked at me and I could see the nervousness in his eyes. “I...I'm ready. Are you?”

I grinned and kissed his cheek, squeezing his hand tightly as I leaned into his side. “Always. But you don't have to-”

“I want to,” Matteo said firmly, lifting my hand to his lips and kissing my skin softly before smiling down at me softly. “And if you want, because you're not in heat, I think it would be safe for me to knot you without being tempted to bond with you as well.”

I blinked, staring up at him in vague confusion. “I thought bonding happened automatically.”

“No, it's like claiming, I have to bite your neck,” Matteo explained quietly, his cheeks a little red. “And that urge is a lot stronger when I can smell your heat.”

“I want to,” I murmured, nodding slightly as I looked down at the floor, knowing I was blushing as well. “But only if you're sure.”

Matteo gently curled his fingers under my chin and tilted my head so I was looking up at him again, into his serious, kind gaze. “Of course I am. Who wouldn't want to make you scream?”

I shuddered and smiled at him shyly, feeling that the atmosphere in the room had changed dramatically. Matteo grabbed my sides and tugged me close to him, his lips brushing mine lazily as he shifted slightly, his hips pressed up against mine. “Tell me you want it, omega,” he growled softly, and something inside me melted.

“Please, alpha,” I whined, tilting my head back slightly. “I need you.”

“Good boy,” Matteo purred, pulling me into a soft, slow kiss, his fingers curling under the hem of my shirt. He pulled away just long enough to slip it over my head, then his hands went to my belt buckle, undoing it carefully and helping me wriggle my tight jeans off my hips, laughing into the kiss as we got a little stuck. I pulled away quickly, giggling as I slipped my jeans all the way off and kicked them across the floor. Matteo grinned and immediately pushed me towards the bed, kissing me desperately as I whimpered softly.

“Shh, shh,” he murmured against my lips, then pushed me down on the bed, climbing up my body slowly as I scrambled to get in a more comfortable position. Matteo just grinned, stroking his hand down my chest, over my stomach, and into my boxers in one smooth movement.

I gasped as his hand wrapped around my already almost fully hard length, and arched my back shakily. I quickly started to undo his buttons and he growled, ripping the shirt off and tossing it aside before diving down and kissing over my C-section scar lightly, his hand starting to stroke me far too slowly as I whined and moaned softly, my hands gently trying to grab onto his sides.

He dipped his tongue into my belly button suddenly and I jolted, moaning louder and grinning when he laughed softly.

“That's it,” he murmured, then ran his tongue over my scar before pressing a loving kiss over each and every stretch mark. “My beautiful little Kieran. You want me, don't you?”

I nodded quickly, letting out a soft sigh as I looked down to meet his deep brown gaze. “Y-yeah..”

Matteo grinned and I felt a familiar wetness between my legs as he began to rub my sides slowly, my cock now apparently forgotten. “Good, I want you too,” he purred, leaning down to kiss my stomach. “All this beautiful smooth skin, look at you. My stunning baby.”

“M-Matteo?”

“Yeah, hon?”

“I'm getting wet, I don't..I don't smell different, do I?” I asked worriedly, and he shook his head with a soft, relaxed smile.

“You'll always be wet for me, beautiful.”

The simple sentence sent a shiver down my spine and I moaned shakily as Matteo turned his attention back to my skin, kissing up in a line from my stomach to my chest, finally reaching my pecs.

Without any kind of hesitation, he took one of my nipples into his mouth, sucking gently and grinning around it as my hips bucked up and I grabbed at him, my nails digging into his back to help me cope with the waves of sudden pleasure washing over me. He flicked his tongue over the sensitive bud and I moaned before grabbing at his hair, pulling his head up sharply. “I n-need you! Right now!”

“What do you say, baby?” Matteo smirked, and I growled, curling my fingers tighter.

“It's my fucking birthday and you better fuck me right now or I'm never going to forgive you..”

Matteo chuckled and kissed me, soft and slow, then pulled away and slipped off my hips. “I think that just about covers it.”

I smiled to myself, slipping my boxers off while he took his jeans off. I heard the rip of the condom packet and he was soon climbing back up onto the bed, his cock already standing hard and proud as he gently rubbed my stomach.

“Can you roll over, baby?”

I nodded and rolled over quickly, lifting myself up so he could slide a pillow under my hips, his hands ever so gentle. 

“That's it, honey,” Matteo encouraged softly, rubbing my lower back slowly as I heard the lube cap pop off. “You're such a good little omega for your alpha..”

“P-please,” I mumbled, rocking back slightly just as Matteo smoothed the cold lube over my entrance, causing a shiver to run down my spine. “F-fuck..”

“Shh, you aren't wet enough, baby, I know it's cold.”

With that, he began to circle one finger around my entrance, tracing the ring of muscles as I clenched myself desperately, burying my face in the pillow as the desire washed over me. It wasn't like being in heat, it wasn't blind desire. I wanted to cum on Matteo's knot and I wanted to be tied to him, I wanted no one else but Matteo, and this foreplay was pure torture.

“Alpha!” I groaned, rocking back against him and immediately getting my wish granted as he slid a finger into me. I hissed at the stretch, but it was fairly easy, and I relaxed when he curled it into my prostate, making a shudder of pleasure and a warm, calming sensation spread through my body.

“You're doing so good,” Matteo praised softly from behind me, pushing a second finger in slowly and rubbing up and down my side as I squeezed my eyes shut.

“I just want you,” I whimpered shakily, and he leaned down, kissing my back as he began to scissor his fingers in and out of me, slowly at first, but picking up speed and width as he went.

“I know, baby, I know. But I don't wanna hurt you..”

I bit my lip harshly just as he slid a third finger in, this stretch a little easier than the others.

“Do you think you'll be okay with this?” Matteo asked softly, and I nodded against the sheets, rocking back against his fingers desperately.

“It'll have to be slow, but I'll be fine.”

“What a good boy,” Matteo purred, slipping back into his alpha role easily as he gently turned me over. I lifted my legs and he leaned down, kissing me softly while he lined up. He pulled away to look at me seriously and I just nodded before he could speak.

“Yes, please, Matteo. I need you..”

Matteo just grinned and began to push into me, kissing me messily as we both moaned and panted and sweated, and I jerked slightly when I felt his tip finally push past the ring of muscles and slip into me.

After that, I felt my body shift around him much more quickly, stretching to accommodate his cock and allowing his already slightly inflated knot to pop past my rim and slip into me as he buried all of himself inside me easily. 

Matteo grinned down at me, stroking my cheeks slowly as I focused on my breathing, trying to keep it even and calm despite the slight discomfort of the stretch. “How do you want it, birthday boy? Fast or slow?”

“F-fast,” I smiled back, nodding slightly and then turning my head to kiss his wrist. “Please, alpha.”

“Of course, omega,” Matteo purred, sliding almost all the way out of me before slamming in again, making me cry out in mixed pain and pleasure as I arched my back, pushing against the thrust.

“What a good boy,” Matteo repeated softly, grunting as he sat back slightly and began to really pound into me, slamming in and out as fast as he could, getting as deep into me as possible and brushing my prostate with each movement. I felt his knot begin to swell even more with each push in, and bit my lip, tensing myself around Matteo's length in the hopes of providing him more pleasure.

I was gratified to hear him grunt softly, but only had a second to gloat before Matteo rammed his knot against my prostate, the swelling already painful as I reached down, grabbing onto the sheets to keep myself grounded.

“Good omega, taking-” he grunted heavily, gripping my hips tight as he forced himself into me again, then pulled back out sharply. “Taking my knot like this. That's a good birthday boy..”

I purred, letting my eyes slip closed as I felt his knot drag over my prostate one last time, then his grip on my hips tightened and he pushed himself against me, his knot already impossibly big as he finally popped inside.

I groaned loudly as I felt him swell even more and he snapped his hips forward, further into me as he shuddered and groaned, his cock twitching inside of me with each spurt of cum that spilled into the condom.

Matteo wrapped his hand around me quickly, pumping a few times before we were cumming together, my whole body spasming as I yelled out happily, finally getting the release my entire body had been aching for. He kept cumming well after I'd finished, his eyes closed tight as he rolled his hips into me slightly. When he finally finished, he pulled back and tugged at me gently, then let out a deep, happy sigh.

Matteo very carefully helped me lay down on my side, our chests pressed together and my leg hooked up and over his hips. He grinned at me breathlessly and a little nervously and I pecked his lips softly.

“You didn't cum when I was-”

“Shh,” I forced out quickly, my voice made shaky by my laboured breathing. “I was too in the moment, I was focused on you rather than myself, that's all. It was the best sex I've ever had..”

Matteo smiled and wrapped his arm around my waist, stroking my back slowly. “What do you want now? We'll be here for at least twenty minutes, I take a long time to come down.”

I grinned and propped myself up on my elbow, looking around comically. “Where's my phone?”

Matteo laughed and pulled me into a soft kiss as I collapsed back to the bed. “How about some music?”

“That sounds nice,” I admitted, and he leaned over me, accidentally tugging at me as he grabbed his phone off the bedside table. He set the bluetooth speaker on my desk to a relaxing playlist and pressed himself to me again. I felt him slide back into me, his skin dragging over my over-sensitised insides and making me whine softly, dropping my head against his chest.

“Shh,” he soothed, nuzzling the side of my head as he stroked my hair gently. “I'm sorry, baby. Give me a kiss?”

I nodded and leaned up quickly, kissing him tiredly and then returning my head to his chest as he trailed his fingertips up and down my spine. “You look exhausted, Kieran.”

“Mhm.”

“Imagine how _I_ feel. I did all the work.”

I giggled softly and let my eyes slip closed as I rejoiced in the feeling of resting with him, closer to him than I'd ever gotten before.

“You're delusional.”

He chuckled a little hoarsely, stroking my hair over and over as I relaxed completely, every muscle in my body feeling warm and relieved of tension. “Maybe,” he murmured, squeezing me gently. “I'm sorry it took me so long to get to here. I wish we'd done this weeks ago..”

I smiled against his skin and pressed a soft kiss to his collarbone. “But then what would I have gotten for my birthday? The important thing is we're here now and you can fuck my brains out like that anytime you want.”

“Good, can I book in for tomorrow?”

I laughed and nuzzled his neck lightly, still smiling happily. “I might be too sore tomorrow..”

Matteo tensed suddenly, his grip on me tightening slightly. “I wasn't too rough, was I?”

“No, it's fine,” I yawned, running my hands over his bare, slightly sticky skin. “It's just been a while.”

Matteo relaxed and shifted slightly, then pulled one of the blankets over the both of us. “As long as you're okay.”

“I am,” I assured him softly, kissing his chest lightly. “But I'm going to need a nice long sleep.”

“We're going to my mum's tomorrow, so you might want to have a nice long bath tonight."

“Does the long bath include a sexy alpha?”

“Maybe.”

I grinned and closed my eyes, and Matteo squeezed me gently. “Why don't you take a little nap now? I'll wake you when we can separate.”

“Okay,” I mumbled, smiling to myself as he ran his knuckles down my spine. “I think I was going to fall asleep whatever you said.”

 

Matteo and I were tied for almost an hour before he finally slid out of me and helped me wash off. I'd only managed a light doze while we were tied, as he kept shifting inside of me accidentally and waking me up, so I tugged on a pair of boxers and fell into bed, collapsing into the pillows. Matteo did the same, yawning as he turned the lights off.

“That's the longest I've ever been tied,” he announced quietly, pulling me into his arms. I rolled over quickly so we were spooning, and he pressed his body to mine, his arm wrapped around me protectively.

“Why do you think that is?” I asked sleepily, and he pressed a gentle kiss to the back of my shoulder.

“Tying time depends a lot on the individual, and it's down to both partners’ pleasure. Joey...he had a lot of pain issues and we often had to stop having sex because he would get a cramp or he just wouldn't be able to take me without being in a lot of pain. So I think it was just the most pleasurable sex I've had as a couple, if that makes sense.”

“Yeah, it does. I love being tied now, though,” I smiled, and Matteo kissed my shoulder again, his hand stroking up and down my stomach.

“Me too. I love feeling so close to you,” he purred, his thumb brushing over my scar. “And it's just a way of being trapped into quality time.”

I laughed softly and closed my eyes, relaxing into the pillows. “We don't need traps for quality time. Thank you for such a great birthday, Matteo..”

He grunted sleepily and I kept my eyes closed, listening as his breathing evened out and got deeper. Once I was sure he was asleep, I took his hand gently and smiled into the dark. “I love you, Matteo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guess what's going to happen next...?   
> Thanks for reading, I hope you guys enjoyed this longer chapter! <3


	20. Chapter Twenty

I woke up alone, the bed cold. There was no note, no text, and no sign that he'd been with me last night at all.

Puzzled, I climbed into a hot bath, lowering my aching body into the water and sighing softly. I picked my phone up and called Matteo, but it went straight to voicemail, so I sent him a text instead.

_Sent, 10:38_

_Where are you? I miss you, I want a nice hug and a kiss. Hope everything's okay xxx_

 

I didn't get a reply by the time I'd gotten dressed and eaten breakfast, so I settled down to do some work, then called him again at about one. It went to voicemail again and I sighed, rubbing my eyes with my thumb and forefinger.

It looked like he had thrown a fit about something again, but despite wracking my brains over and over, I couldn't figure out what could have upset him. He'd seemed so cheerful and relaxed during our tie, so I couldn't imagine that that was what was upsetting him. I made a quick decision and slipped out of the front door, hurrying over to my car with only a very slight limp.

 

Matteo's car was in the driveway when I arrived at Dana and Robert's, and I suddenly got incredibly nervous, my hands shaking on the wheel.

I parked anyway and got out, taking my time to walk up to the front door. I pressed on the doorbell and waited patiently, then smiled at Dana when she opened the door. She looked at me in surprise, then grinned and waved me inside. “Come on, you need to slap some sense into your mate, he won't listen to me.”

I swallowed and backed up a step, glancing toward my car. “Um..maybe I should just-”

Dana grabbed my arm and gently pulled me into the house, shutting the door as soon as I was inside. “He's told me why he's upset and I told him he's being stupid, but he won't listen.”

I shoved my hands in my pockets nervously and followed Dana into the living room, not exactly sure what I was going to find.

Matteo was sitting on the couch, staring at the floor blankly, but when he looked up and saw me, anger flashed across his expression.

“Oh _hell_ no! Why'd you bring him in here, Ma?” He snapped, jumping up immediately. I tried to push past Dana to leave, panic rising in my chest, but she gently pushed me further into the room instead.

“You need to sort this out. Talk about your feelings, Matteo, for once.”

With that, she left and Matteo stared at me for a moment, then looked away sharply and sat down again reluctantly.

I sighed and walked over shakily, sitting down next to him as far away from him as I could get. I couldn't stop thinking about that flash of anger, and the thought of it made my whole body feel numb and tensed to run.

“What happened, Matteo?” I asked quietly, hugging my knees into my chest. “We had such a nice day and then...and then you left.”

Matteo buried his face in his hands, turning away from me slightly. I curled my fingers in my lap, my fear slowly turning into anger as I watched him sit there in silence.

“Fuck, Matteo, I gave you everything last night,” I snapped at last, digging my nails into my palms. “I gave you the longest tie you've ever had and it was my goddamn birthday, I don't know if you remember. You left me alone on the night after my birthday after knotting me for the first time and you won't even tell me why. Fuck you,” I said quietly, my voice even and flat and calm, surprising even myself with how little emotion crept into my voice.

“I wasn't asleep,” Matteo mumbled without lifting his head, his voice slightly muffled.

“What?” I growled impatiently, confused and even more angry. “What do you mean?”

“I wasn't asleep when you told me you loved me.”

Everything in me froze to ice and I got up suddenly, my whole body shaking as I backed away from him. 

“Well, I guess I have my answer. You don't love me,” I announced flatly, pulling my keys out of my pocket. “I'll see you never, Matteo.”

I moved towards the door, but his voice pulled me back, soft and shaky.

“Please don't go..”

I whipped around, stalking over to him and leaning down to get right up close to him.  “You don't get to tell me when to go and when to fucking stay!” I snapped, my finger in his face. “You're the one who's always fucking leaving!”

Matteo lifted his head to look up at me slowly and my anger faltered when I saw the tears pouring down his cheeks. “I know. I'm sorry, I panicked, I was hurt..”

“How can you be hurt by your mate telling you they love you? That doesn't make any fucking sense!” 

Matteo reached up and gently took my arm, pulling me down to sit next to him. I sat down slowly, defensively, watching him as he stared at his lap. I didn't see Matteo cry very often, and it was melting away the anger as he stifled a small sob, his hand over his mouth. 

“I-I'm sorry, Kieran. I'm upset because I feel the same way,” he mumbled, wiping his cheeks just before another round of tears fell. “But it hurts me. I can't say it, I can't think it. I've been wanting to say it to you for so long, but I can't..”

“Tell me why,” I ordered, my voice a little sharper than I'd intended. Matteo glanced up at me worriedly, then looked down again shakily, taking a long breath. 

“Joey,” he said simply, closing his eyes and letting a few more tears fall. “It feels so...so awful. It feels like betrayal, like I'm hurting him, and even though I know that's bullshit, it still hurts, you know? I want to be in this with you fully and I want to be with you properly, but he just keeps tugging me back and I can't...I can't do this..”

“Does this mean you want to leave me?” I asked quietly, and Matteo's head snapped up, his eyes wide in horror.

“No! _God_ no! Kieran, I love being with you, I just get frustrated and hurt sometimes. I'm still very much a work in progress. And look...I've only been in love once before, and that was Joey. I'm scared, not just because of him, because of me. I find all this a bit frightening, because I want to do the right thing, I want to make you so so happy. I'm so scared I'm going to fuck it up. I keep having these fucking breakdowns, I know that's not helping, but I just...I get so worried, and I get panicked and I have to leave. I'm so sorry..”

“Say it,” I said firmly, staring at him as more tears dripped off his chin. “Say it now.”

Matteo squeezed his eyes shut, his hands shaking in his lap. “I-I love you, Kieran,” he forced out, then opened his eyes again slowly, letting out a soft sob. “I l-love you..”

I quickly climbed into his lap, pulling him into a brief kiss before hugging him tightly. “I love you too.”

Matteo began to sob quietly, burying his face in my neck and letting it all out. I just sat in silence, rubbing his back and stroking his hair until he finally started to calm down, holding me as tightly as he could. I slowly pulled away once he'd stopped crying, wiping his cheeks and kissing his forehead.

“You don't have to say it often if it hurts you,” I mumbled soothingly, looking down into his soft brown eyes. “But I needed to hear it today.”

“I understand,” Matteo smiled sadly, his hand running over my back slowly. “I'm going to try, though. How about we make a deal that when I do say it, you give me a lot of positive reinforcement?” He grinned, pulling me down into a soft, brief kiss.

“Like what?” I smiled, starting to relax again as Matteo's hands stroked up and down my sides.

“Hmmm. Like kisses and cuddles and nice kind words, and…” he gently pulled me down to whisper in my ear, one hand on my side, the other on my cheek. “Spreading your legs nice and wide for me like the beautiful omega you are..”

I shuddered and closed my eyes, feeling my jeans start to tighten ever so slightly. “Alpha,” I whimpered, and he chuckled softly, kissing me again and lingering against my lips for a moment or two. 

“Later, baby,” he murmured, stroking my hair slowly as I curled up against his chest, willing my half hard cock to calm down again.

“I love you, Matteo,” I sighed, pressing a soft kiss to his throat. “And you don't have to say it, but I'm gonna say it a lot, because it's true and I want you to know that even when you're being an idiot like this, that I still love you.”

Matteo smiled and hugged me tightly, cradling my head against his chest as I closed my eyes, my hand resting over his heart.

 

Not long after we'd gone quiet in each other's arms, Dana had called us in for lunch, and we had a pleasant meal of good food and enjoyable company. Neither Dana or Robert mentioned the mishap earlier, which I was grateful for, but they must have been able to see that Matteo had been crying.

Now I was curled up in bed reading, waiting for Matteo to show up. He had a spare key to my apartment permanently now, just like I had one for his house, as it made life easier.

My phone rang suddenly and I jumped, picking it up quickly.

“Hey hon,” Matteo said softly, sounding a bit upset as he sighed deeply.

“Hey, what's wrong?”

“I have a lot of work to do, and I don't think I'm going to make it over this afternoon. I can come over after dinner, though, and sleep there tonight.”

I sighed and shook my head slightly, setting my book aside. “Alright. I'm gonna take a nap anyway, I'm really tired for some reason, so just let yourself in when you get here.”

“Okay. I...sleep well, honey.”

 

I woke up a few hours later and got up to shower, feeling a bit sticky and hot. I climbed in under the spray and sat down on the floor, spreading my legs slightly. I slowly wrapped a hand around myself, reminding myself of last night and very quickly becoming hard and heavy in my hand. I knew I would be coming into heat soon, probably the next day, and I was already feeling the effects with an increased libido. I closed my eyes happily, spreading my legs even wider and starting to stroke up and down, immersing myself in my memories.

I was so lost in the pleasure that I didn't hear the bathroom door or even the shower door open, and I jumped when Matteo spoke softly.

“Look at you,” he chuckled quietly, stroking himself up and down slowly. He was holding something behind his back with his other hand, watching me in amusement. “I can smell it. I wonder if we can bring you into heat a day early..”

“Alpha..” I whined softly, and he crouched down, moving the dildo out from behind his back and handing it over to me. The sight of Matteo in front of me, his cock hanging hard between his legs was already making me wet, so I reached out and took the fairly small dildo, then got up onto my knees and shoved it into myself hurriedly, crying out softly.

Matteo grinned, working his hand up and down his cock slowly as he watched me hungrily, his gaze intense. I stared back at him, my mouth watering as I fucked myself as hard as I could manage with the dildo, my hand stroking up and down myself at the same pace.

“That's it...good little omega, cum for me, Kieran..”

The gentle order sent a shiver down my spine and I felt the hot buildup begin, moving my hands desperately and gasping as I finally climaxed, spilling all over the shower floor and moaning while I twitched. Matteo scooped me up immediately, lifting me up so my legs were wrapped around his waist, my arms around his neck.

“Alpha, not yet, I can't,” I mumbled, but he ignored me and pinned me against the wall, stroking over my sides slowly.

“Listen to your body, baby. It knows you can..”

I closed my eyes and focused on myself, soon realising that I was dripping, my body completely ready to take my alpha in. As I smiled to myself, my heat broke over me, flooding my body with insane desire, and my cock began to harden against Matteo's stomach.

“A-alpha!”

“I know, baby. I'm here,” he soothed, holding my hips tightly and starting to push into me slowly. At first, my body couldn't take it, and I groaned loudly, my eyes rolling back as the pain increased until I was panting softly, my hands shaking on Matteo's back. He reached up and gently squeezed my scent gland and suddenly I was relaxed, my whole body going almost limp and allowing Matteo to slide into me easily, filling me up in all the right places. I buried my face in his neck, whimpering softly and begging for more in a small, broken voice.

“Shhh, I've got you, omega,” Matteo soothed, and I felt his alpha scent flood over me, making my cock twitch against my stomach, but also calming me down. “That's it. What a good boy..”

My whole body was burning up and I clenched around him, trying to get some kind of pleasure somewhere, needing stimulation more than anything. 

“Please alpha!” I sobbed softly, gently grabbing at his hair and pressing my face into his neck. “Please, I need to be bred! I wanna feel you, please Matteo!”

“I've got you, honey,” Matteo murmured, pinning me even tighter against the wall and grinning to himself as he slid out of me. I whined at the loss, my hands shaking on his back just before he slammed back in again, making me cry out happily, my eyes rolling back again.

I let him do all the work, keeping my legs wrapped around him tightly while he grunted, each thrust just as hard and deep as the first, his skin slapping against mine harshly.

“Alpha,” I whimpered after a few minutes of this, and he seemed to realise what I was asking right away. He slid out of me again and I shuddered at the loss, my heat curling through me and making me drip everywhere as he gently helped me down, then turned me around, pushing my chest up against the wall. I immediately shuffled out slightly and spread my legs so he had easy access and he grabbed on, slamming into me all in one go and chuckling as I screamed in pleasure.

“That's it,” he grinned, shoving my whole body flat against the wall, his hand on my lower back pinning my hips down. I tried to rock back against him and Matteo snarled, biting down hard on my shoulder. I gasped, the pain flooding through me and quickly being converted into pleasure by the heat sitting low in my stomach.

“A-alpha!”

“You're impatient, hm?” He grinned, nuzzling my neck as he pulled back and then slammed back in, snapping my hips against the wall.

Pain shot through me, mixing with the pleasure and making me moan louder than I ever had, my whole body shuddering under Matteo's. This seemed to tip him over the edge and he pinned my shoulders down with his arm, starting to fuck me as hard and as fast as he could, growling and grunting, each thrust slamming my hips into the tiled wall over and over again.

I felt his knot begin to swell and this time I finished the first time his knot dragged over my spot, screaming out as I painted the wall white, still being fucked as hard as ever.

Matteo purred, slowing his thrusts and dragging his knot in and out of me painfully slowly, my whole body shuddering and shaking as I whined and whimpered. He finally shoved himself into me one last time and groaned as his knot inflated fully. He rolled his hips once, twice, gently tugging on the tie, then came.

This time, not only did I feel his cock twitching inside of me and his muscles shifting against my ass, I also felt his hot cum spill out, spurting into me and filling my insides. I gasped softly, closing my eyes and leaning back into my alpha, my heat rejoicing.

“B-breed me, alpha!”

Matteo leaned over and gently nipped at my ear, making me whimper and slide my hand down to wrap around myself. “I gave you contraceptives at lunch today, baby. It's alright.”

I barely registered this, my heat still wrapped around my mind as I pumped myself quickly, desperate to cum for a third time.

Matteo chuckled and lazily reached around, wrapping his own hand around me and rolling his hips, pushing a little further into me and then tugging at the tie gently over and over. I came suddenly, my whole body jerking as I clenched and relaxed around him again and again.

Matteo pressed a soft kiss to the back of my neck and managed to get us sitting down so I was between his spread legs, my back leaned against his chest.

“Good boy,” he murmured tiredly, nuzzling my neck lightly and pressing soft kisses to my skin. “Did you like that?”

“Fuck yes,” I mumbled, looking down at my hips and just smiling to myself when I saw the split and raw skin over my bones.

Matteo buried his face in my neck and just held me, his arms tight around my waist as I closed my eyes and began to drift off.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think this is my best chapter but it's up anyway


	21. Chapter Twenty One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey sorry it's been a while I've been really busy and honestly running out of energy to post all of this story   
> but anyway here's another chapter, it's a little short and not great tbh but it's here lol

I woke up the next morning in Matteo's arms, his hand stroking up and down my stomach.

“Morning, hon,” he mumbled, pressing a soft kiss to the back of my shoulder. I shifted slightly and realised my hips had been bandaged, letting my eyes slip closed again as I remembered the night before with a soft smile.

“Morning..”

“I have to get up for work in a few minutes, but I called you in sick. You shouldn't feel your heat too much this time because of last night, but other alphas will be able to smell it just as strong, and I don't want you to get hurt..”

I groaned softly and rolled over to face him, pulling him into a brief kiss. “You did give me contraceptives, right? I didn't dream that?”

Matteo smiled and ran his hand over my side soothingly as he nodded. “Yeah, don't worry, baby. I knew that you were coming into heat and that it was possible having sex would push you over, and I know from being around you in heat before that I would probably try and remove a condom, so it seemed like the best plan..”

“Mhm, but next time tell me,” I said firmly, kissing his bare chest lightly. “I don't like being given pills without my knowledge.”

“I know, I'm sorry, I wanted it to be a surprise,” Matteo murmured, his brow furrowed, and I smiled quickly, stroking my hand down his ribs.

“It was fine this once, but not again, that's all. Do you have the second round?”

“Yeah, I put them in a glass in the bathroom with your heat pills for later. You shouldn't feel it too much, but you might still get cramps.”

“Great, the worst part,” I chuckled, and he laughed, pulling me into another soft kiss before getting up slowly and stretching. I watched him longingly and he smiled at me before walking into the bathroom. I rolled over, nuzzling the pillow and closing my eyes as I relaxed into the warmth of the bed.

A few minutes later, Matteo came back, pulling the blanket up to my chin and rubbing my shoulder lightly. “Sleep it off, hon, I'll be back at five with dinner..”

“Okay..”

 

I slept on and off most of the day, curled up in bed or on the couch, but I was watching TV when Matteo arrived, slipping through the door quietly with a bag in one hand.

“Hey, I'm here,” I called out, and he looked up, grinning at me immediately.

“Hey, I was trying to be all quiet so I didn't wake you up,” he chuckled, walking past me into the kitchen to set the bag down. “I got Chinese, is that okay?”

“Sounds great,” I yawned, curling up and rubbing my stomach lightly.

“How have you been feeling?” He asked, walking back to me hurriedly and leaning down to pull me into a quick kiss.

“Tired, really tired, but I haven't had many cramps or anything.”

“Good, I'm glad you feel okay,” Matteo smiled, brushing his knuckles down my cheek before he straightened up. “Let me go sort this food out and we can talk properly.”

 

I ate with Matteo in silence, glancing at the TV every now and then, but mostly just focusing on my food. Once I'd finished, I set my plate aside and curled up, leaning into Matteo as he wrapped an arm around me quickly.

“How was work?” I mumbled, nuzzling his jaw as he squeezed me gently, rubbing my upper arm lightly.

“It was good. We're coming up to the end of the year now, so it's getting busy, but I don't really mind the extra work.”

I yawned and hugged my knees, my head resting on the front of his shoulder. “So does that mean you're off work soon?”

Matteo chuckled softly, shaking his head slightly. “In theory, yes. But I'll be in meetings a lot with the staff at the high school and working on lesson plans and curriculum. So I'll get a lot more time with you, but I'll still have to be working.”

I nodded slightly, and he kissed the top of my head softly. “Are you okay, Kieran? You seem kind of upset..”

I heaved a long sigh and closed my eyes slowly. “I'm just so so tired. I feel like I could fall asleep right-”

My phone cut me off with the special ringtone I'd set for Peter, so Matteo leaned over quickly, grabbing it from the table and handing it to me.

I answered the call hurriedly, not pulling away from Matteo as I held my phone to my ear.

“Hey Petey, everything okay?”

“Hi Daddy,” Pete mumbled, sounding unusually worried. “Is Matteo there?”

“Oh...yeah, you want me to pass the phone over or put it on speaker, sweetie?” I asked softly, my heart sinking slightly as Matteo rubbed my side gently.

“Can you pass me over? I know he'll tell you anyway.”

“That's true,” I sighed, glancing at Matteo, who nodded slightly. “I'll pass you over.”

I handed the phone over and Matteo smiled, leaning down to kiss my cheek comfortingly.

“Hey Peter, what did you want to talk about?”

Even without the phone on speaker, I could still make out my son's voice clearly, and closed my eyes to listen.

“Hi...this boy at school keeps telling me that alphas can't control themselves around omegas and he keeps trying to touch this girl he knows who told him to leave her alone. I...I told him that that was wrong and I knew an alpha who could and he said that that meant you were fucked up..”

Matteo sighed, stroking his hand over my hair as I sat up slightly. “Some people say that, it's true,” he began slowly. “But it's not based in facts, Pete. It's this recent cultural notion that alphas should always be in charge and essentially own their omegas, that's only been around for about a hundred and fifty years. People use that to say that alphas should be allowed to do whatever they want to omegas, but that's not true. There's nothing different about me except my upbringing and my experiences. Have you told a teacher about this?”

“Yeah, I told my maths teacher because she's a beta.”

“And what did she say?” Matteo pressed gently, his hand running down my back slowly and soothingly.

“She said that he was probably an alpha and that I should leave him alone,” Peter answered quietly, sounding upset. “But he keeps grabbing her arm and things and she doesn't like it. I don't...I don't understand why they won't do anything.”

Matteo sighed deeply, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. “I'm sorry, Peter. You're doing the right thing by telling adults, I think you should talk to your other teachers about it. If I saw that behaviour in one of my students, there would be a lot of trouble. But sometimes this is the way things are right now, and you're absolutely right, they should do something, and that's why I'm glad you're trying. We're currently trying to change society for the better and we need young people like you to help us make that change so omegas have real equality under the law and in society. But at the moment we still come up against these things, and it can be very sad and frustrating..”

Peter was silent for a moment or two, then spoke up very softly. “I don't want that to happen to me.”

Matteo's jaw clenched harshly and I tried to grab the phone from him, but he gently pushed my hands away. “Pete, listen to me. If anyone ever tries to do anything to you that you don't like, you kick up a fuss, okay? Fight back and get adults involved. I would love to be able to promise you that people won't try things with you, but I _can_ promise you that if anything happens, you can fight back and you can come to me or either of your dads, okay?”

“O-okay. Can I talk to Daddy again?”

“Of course, Pete, it was good to talk to you, thank you for trusting me with this.”

“Thank you..”

I was given the phone back and quickly pressed it to my ear. “Hey baby..”

“Hi,” Pete answered, sniffling a bit. “I'm scared of being an omega..”

I put my hand over my eyes, feeling Matteo's hand still rubbing over my back soothingly. “I understand, Petey. I do. But it's six years away yet, that's a long time to prepare. And you know what? One day you're gonna find your mate and they're going to be just as loving and caring as Matteo and you're gonna have a beautiful family and be so so happy. I promise you, okay? You're gonna be so happy you're an omega and you're going to love your children just as much as I love you. Doesn't that sound great?”

“Y-yeah...how much do you love me?”

I could hear the smile in his voice and grinned shakily, feeling Matteo's hand close around mine. “I love you all the way to the moon and back, Petey. I'll always love you so so much..”

“No matter what?”

“No matter what.”

“What if I became a clown for a living?”

I smiled to myself, feeling the tears well up as I remembered playing this game with him when he was about four, when I used to be allowed to have him for a whole weekend instead of just an hour.

“Even then. I'd love you all the way to the moon and back, even if you were a clown.”

“What if I got hurt? What if an alpha hurt me, Daddy?”

“I'd love you just as much, baby,” I soothed, the tears running down my cheeks now. “And I'd hold you so tight and I'd help you with whatever you needed and I would be there with you until you felt completely better. Because I'm your daddy and I'll always be right here for you.”

“Promise?” He sniffed, sounding a little more cheerful.

“Pinky promise. You'll always be my baby, and I'll always protect you.”

“But I'm big now,” he pointed out softly and I shook my head slightly.

“I don't care, Petey. You'll always be my baby boy. At least to me.”

There was a noise in the background and Pete sighed quietly. “I have to go.”

“Okay, baby. Remember I'm right here for anything you need, and so is Matteo. Alright?”

“Yeah. Thank you, Daddy. I love you.”

“I love you too, little one. Bye..”

Pete hung up and I dropped my phone to the couch shakily. “F-fuck..”

I buried my face in my hands and Matteo hugged me immediately, pulling me against his chest and holding me tightly as I tried to rein in all the chaotic and overwhelming emotions.

“That was hard to hear,” Matteo said quietly, stroking my hair slowly. “But we're here for him and you're such a good dad, we can help him through life. He clearly already has a great moral compass..”

“I just wish I could protect him so he never had to feel any of that shit,” I mumbled, lifting my head and dragging my hands down my face. “I'm so scared he's going to end up hating who he is, I do sometimes. I just want him happy and safe and I feel so powerless with him so far away.”  

Matteo gently pulled me into his lap and I curled up against his chest, his arms wrapped around me even tighter. “I know, Kieran. But at least he's navigating all this before his first heat. He's a smart kid, he can figure all this out.”

“I hope so,” I mumbled, shuddering slightly and pressing my face into Matteo's neck. “I just keep thinking about when I was sixteen.”

Matteo ran his fingers through my hair slowly, rocking me slightly. “Well, stop. That's not helping anyone, honey,” he murmured, cradling my head against his chest. “Let's watch a movie or something, take your mind off all this.”

“Okay,” I mumbled, taking a deep, slow breath and trying to push all the images from my mind. “Can I have a kiss first?”

“Always,” Matteo smiled and I shifted so I could kiss him, my hands on his cheeks and my knees sliding down on either side of his hips. He ran his hands over my back, letting me pull him deeper and deeper until he finally broke away, pulling me into another tight hug instead.

“I love you, Kieran,” he mumbled, and I hugged him back as tightly as I could, nuzzling his neck lightly.

“I love you too.”


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: sexual assault/rape in the beginning section

My next heat was a little more painful, and I found myself craving ice cream while Matteo was at work. I wasn't feeling aroused, so I wrapped my neck in a scarf and pulled sweat bands on around my wrists, then got into my car and headed for the store.

I got a few long looks from people as I went straight to the frozen section and grabbed my ice cream, but no one made any kind of move towards me. I went to the checkout and paid without any trouble, and I was just walking out of the door when someone grabbed my arm, yanking me around the side of the building and throwing me up against the wall before I could react.

I looked up and saw lust-clouded eyes as the unfamiliar alpha leaned over me, practically drooling. I tried to break away, struggling against his grip, but he was taller than Matteo and much stronger, and had me firmly pinned down. He just grinned at me and unzipped his jeans slowly, pulling out his thick cock, his knot already half swollen as he stroked himself, still watching me intently.

I gulped and tried again to break away, but was slammed back against the wall, my head snapping back and cracking against the brickwork painfully, enough to make me feel dazed and a little dizzy. The alpha snarled and grabbed at my jeans, ripping them down around my thighs before turning me around roughly and pinning my chest against the wall.

“I'll kill you if you don't stand still,” he hissed in my ear, then parted my cheeks and shoved himself into me harshly, without any kind of lube or prep. I bit back a cry and squirmed, scrabbling at the wall shakily as pain flooded through me. He growled and I closed my eyes for a second, my heartbeat pounding in my ears, then kicked out backwards, managing to land a foot squarely on his knee.

He stumbled back, swearing, and I tugged my jeans up hurriedly, whirling around to face him as he came charging back towards me. I jammed the heel of my hand up into his nose and brought my knee into his crotch at the same time, fear and anger lending me strength. I heard a crunch but didn't stop to see if I'd broken his nose, instead turning and sprinting for my car. I climbed in behind the wheel shakily, doing up my fly before I started the car and slammed it into reverse, backing out of the space as fast as I could before gunning it towards the road.

The alpha had enough sense not to follow me, but I couldn't stop checking my rearview mirror, my hands shaking on the wheel. My whole body hurt, my ass was burning, my head was spinning, and I had so many grazes from the rough brick wall, I was surprised I had any skin left.

It took me several minutes to realise where I was driving to, but I relaxed as soon as I figured out where my autopilot had decided to take me.

Once I finally reached Matteo's house, I scrambled out of my car, fumbling with my keys shakily before slipping inside. I slammed and locked the door behind me, then grabbed all of the cushions and blankets from the living room and took them all upstairs. I opened Matteo's closet and dumped all of it into the corner, then went to the bed and snatched up the pillows and duvet.

I was in full nesting mode, overcome by the need to have my own little safe paradise again, and I barely even registered the tears streaming down my cheeks.

When I finally climbed into my finished nest and curled up under the duvet, I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, letting Matteo's scent fill my nostrils. And then I started to cry properly, the heavy sobs welling up and making my whole body shake as I curled up even tighter, hugging myself tightly. I felt _dirty_ , and I knew that I needed my alpha's touch, I needed to hear his voice and feel his arms around me, but instead I just cried.

 

I woke up sometime later, a bit disoriented and apparently having exhausted myself to sleep by crying. I felt hands on me suddenly, gently shaking me, and immediately sat bolt upright, shoving the hands away as my chest heaved in panic.

“Hey, hey, it's me,” Matteo said softly, pulling his hands away quickly and smiling at me as I stared at him with wide eyes. “You okay? You normally nest at yours..”

I shook my head slowly and Matteo sighed quietly, taking a deep, slow breath.

“Can I come in? You look like you need a hug..”

I nodded again and he climbed into the nest next to me, pulling me into his arms ever so gently, his hands running over my sides and back. I melted against his chest immediately, clinging to him and digging my fingernails into his skin as I buried my face in his shoulder.

“Shh, I'm here. Tell me what's wrong, honey..”

His hand slid up to my hair and he froze suddenly, feeling around the dried blood on the back of my head. I whimpered softly and he got up, scooping me up with him and carrying me out of the dim closet and into the light of the bedroom, setting me on my feet as carefully as he could. He stared at me for a second, then his face became incredibly serious and he gripped my shoulders tightly, rubbing his thumbs over my skin through my shirt.

“Kieran. You _have_ to tell me what happened.”

I closed my eyes tightly, hugging myself as I tried to find my voice, my whole body trembling slightly. “I f-felt okay a-and I wanted ice cream...I w-went to the store a-and he grabbed me!”

Matteo's face dropped and he stared at me in utter shock for a moment, before his face went carefully blank. “Did this guy knot you?”

I shook my head quickly, my hands shaking on my sides as I started to feel weak and dizzy, as if I could just crumple to the floor and pass out. “N-no, he just...a-and I kicked him and I think I broke his nose..”

Matteo dropped his hands from my shoulders and looked down at the floor, his jaw clenching and relaxing repeatedly.

“A-alpha?”

His head snapped up and he looked at me intently. “Yes, hon?”

I sniffed, and the tears spilled over, streaming down my cheeks as I stood shivering in front of him, suddenly uncertain about who exactly was the subject of his anger. “C-can I have a hug?”

Matteo took a big step forward and wrapped me up in his arms immediately, letting me lean into him as he rubbed my back, the uncertainty fading as I felt the warmth of his body against mine.

“Why didn't you scream for help or something, baby?” He murmured, and I laughed bitterly, curling my fingers against his back and shifting a little closer to him.

“And bring more alphas running?”

He sighed, squeezing me gently and kissing the side of my head softly. “Stupid question, yeah. Does it hurt?”

I shook my head slightly, clinging to his sides. “Not my...my ass, anyway. Just the grazes and my head.”

Matteo didn't say anything for a few moments, then sniffed and slowly started to pull away from me to look at me, his hands slipping from my back. “I'm so sorry, Kieran, I should have-”

“There's nothing you could have done,” I said quickly, and he looked at me, pain etched into his expression as he shook his head slightly.

“I could have bonded with you.”

I reached up and wiped the tears off his cheeks with shaky fingers, my breath catching in my throat. “I'll be okay, Matteo. I just need some time..”

“How about a bath?” Matteo asked shakily, forcing a small smile. “Then I can put some stuff on those grazes..”

I nodded slightly and he took my hand gently, walking me towards the bathroom. He started the tap running, then hugged me again gently while the bath filled, pressing soft kisses to my cheek and the side of my head.

“I love you,” he murmured shakily, clinging to me until I finally pulled away and began to get undressed.

“I love you too,” I mumbled as he carefully helped me, his hands shaking and the tears still running down his cheeks. He held my hand as I got in the tub, and knelt down on the mat, still keeping a tight grip on my hand. I looked away from him, sinking lower in the water and leaning my head against the edge of the tub as I stared at nothing. I felt numb and shaky all over, and even Matteo's loving touches weren't helping.

“Kieran.”

I looked over at him, struggling to keep my head up, I was so exhausted. “Yeah?”

Matteo lifted his gaze from the floor and fixed it on my eyes instead, his own eyes dull, but determined. “We're going to bond this time. This heat. I've decided.”

I shook my head slightly, looking away sharply as a pang of guilt shot through me. “No, you're not ready, I don't want you to rush.”

“Kieran, I don't think I'll ever be ready,” Matteo said quietly, sniffing as he stared down at the floor. “But I know now that I've been really selfish. I know that being an omega is dangerous, especially an unbonded omega with very fertile heats, and I knew that bonding with you would make you safer. And I put my needs above yours, and I'm really really sorry.”

“It could have happened anyway, Matteo, I-”

“It would have been a lot less likely,” he pointed out sharply, looking down and closing his eyes with a deep sigh. “I've been stupid and selfish and a fucking _coward._ I love you and I've wanted to bond with you for _months_ and I let all this hold me back. I know that Joey would want me to be with you, he'd want me to think of him, but he'd want me to be happy. I want to do this, Kieran. I do, I promise. I want to do everything I can to make you safe and comfortable and happy because you're my mate and that's my job.”

I took a deep breath, slipping my hand from his carefully. “You're going to resent me if you do this too quickly,” I said bluntly. “I don't want that.”

“I won't,” Matteo said quickly, looking up at me again and shifting closer to the tub so he could stroke my cheek. “Look at me. I would never blame you for anything. This is my decision, okay? Well, obviously you still have to consent, but..”

I sighed and leaned into his touch, letting my eyes close up. “As long as you're sure.”

“I am, but not tonight.”

I shook my head quickly, looking away sharply. “No, I can't..”

“I know, beautiful.”

 

We sat in silence for a while, then Matteo helped me wash off and get dried, his hands gentle and loving every time he touched me. He helped me into bed, then climbed up next to me, crawling under the covers with me. I immediately cuddled up to him, my hands shaking as I grabbed at his bare skin.

“Does your head feel okay? We don't need to go to the doctor, do we?” Matteo asked gently, and I shook my head quickly.

“No, I felt dizzy for a bit after it happened, but now it's just sore.”

“Well tell me if you feel dizzy again..”

“I will,” I mumbled, shifting closer to him shakily, gently grabbing at his sides. “I'm sorry for being so upset, I just-”

“You're allowed to be as upset as you feel,” Matteo answered firmly, wrapping his strong arms around me and pulling me into his chest. “And you're handling this a lot better than I ever would have.”

“It's happened to me so many fucking times now,” I chuckled humorlessly, relaxing slightly as he wrapped his arms around me, his fingertips trailing up and down my spine.

“I know, but...it doesn't make it easier.”

“No, I just...I don't know. It still hurts and all, but it's not as hard as the first time,” I sighed, burying my face in his chest as he moved his hand up to stroke my hair carefully.

Matteo just sighed, pressing a soft kiss to the side of my head and letting me go silent. I began to drift off again, still utterly exhausted, and felt Matteo's arms tighten around me slightly just before I slipped into unconsciousness.

 

I woke up on the couch, blankets and pillows from my nest tucked in around me and the smell of cooking in the air.

“Matteo?”

“I'm in the kitchen, hon, one sec!”

I closed my eyes again, then winced when I shifted and pulled at the grazed skin on my arm accidentally. A few seconds later, I felt a gentle hand on my side and opened my eyes to look up into Matteo's worried gaze.

“Hey. How are you feeling?”

“Shit,” I answered honestly, but managed a small smile. “Can I have a kiss?”

Matteo smiled and nodded, leaning down to kiss me softly, his hand brushing over my cheek gently. “I'm making your favourite pasta,” he announced quietly as he pulled away, leaving his hand on my cheek. “Why don't you sit up for a minute and I'll bring it in soon? I'm nearly done.”

I nodded slightly and he smiled, running his thumb under my eye. “My beautiful omega,” he murmured, then stood up slowly, his hand slipping off my cheek. I closed my eyes for a while, taking a few deep breaths, then rolled over and forced myself up into a sitting position, scattering cushions and finding myself to be shirtless, cotton pads taped over some of the smaller grazes on my arm and the one on my collarbone. I had no idea how I'd gotten some of them, but they were definitely sore.

Matteo walked back over to me, this time carrying two bowls and holding a tee shirt draped over his arm. I took the shirt from him first, thanking him quietly as I tugged it on, then took the bowl.

“Thank you for looking after me,” I mumbled, and he sat down next to me, gently bumping my shoulder with his.

“I'm always gonna be here to look after you,” he smiled, kissing my cheek softly. “Eat up before it gets cold.”

I nodded slightly, starting to eat slowly and quickly picking up speed as I realised how delicious it was. I finished in a few minutes and Matteo chuckled, rubbing my shoulder lightly. “I'll get you some more when I've finished mine.”

“No, I'm okay,” I yawned, curling up against the arm of the sofa. “That was just the right amount, I think I was just eating super fast because I only really ate breakfast today.”

Matteo nodded, finishing up the last of his pasta and setting his bowl down on the coffee table. He leaned back and wrapped his arm around me, smiling as I cuddled up to his side, my eyes closing up.

“What can I do to make you feel better?” Matteo asked softly, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of my head.

“I just want to sit with you,” I mumbled, taking his hand in mine and lacing our fingers together gently. “Maybe watch a movie. I need some normality.”

"Then let's watch a movie and have a proper cuddle, yeah? I'll get some popcorn."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey sorry this one is pretty short, I wasn't sure how to end it  
> anyway I'm trying to get this all up but really losing the motivation, it isn't really as popular as I was hoping (which was probably pretty conceited of me tbf) and I'm struggling to write at the moment anyway, but uh here's a couple chapters


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

Matteo pulled me into a soft kiss, his hands shaking on my sides. I pulled away slowly, looking up at him as he smiled down at me, the nerves obvious in his expression.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he hummed, nodding quickly and forcing a brief smile. “Better than I thought I would be.”

“Do we actually have to..?” I mumbled, trailing off and sighing as I looked down, my cheeks heating up already. 

“Unfortunately yes,” Matteo answered softly, stroking my hair slowly and brushing his thumb over my cheek. I hadn't taken my heat pills, so the prospect of him throwing me down and pushing into me should have reduced me to a wet puddle on the floor, but instead I was leaning into Matteo's chest, his hand stroking up and down my back.

“And I took the contraceptives,” I said quietly, mostly to myself. Matteo nodded, squeezing me carefully and nuzzling the side of my head.

“I'm gonna take care of you, Kieran. We'll take it nice and slow and I'll make sure you only think of me.”

I took a deep breath and gently pulled away from him, then slipped my shirt off and tossed it aside. “I'm sure my heat will take over in a few minutes anyway,” I smiled, and Matteo kissed my cheek, his hands running over my bare sides.

“Probably. Your body will know it's me,” he purred, then slipped his own shirt off before tugging me back into a kiss, this one deeper and more urgent as he wrapped his arm around my lower back. Without pulling away, he leaned over and dimmed the bedroom lights, then broke the kiss to go down on his knees. I looked down at him in shock and he grinned up at me, unbuttoning my jeans easily.

“I'm gonna make you feel so good, Kieran, I promise,” he said softly, then unzipped my jeans and gently pulled them down around my ankles. I helped him take them off completely, along with my socks, then stroked my hand through his hair gently as he moved back to me. He ran his hands up the outsides of my thighs, grinning at the already growing bulge in my boxers.

“I love you,” Matteo murmured, then pulled my boxers down and dove in, immediately wrapping his hand around me and dragging his tongue up my shaft. My eyes slipped closed quickly and I shuddered in pleasure, moaning softly.

“That's it, honey,” he encouraged before flicking his tongue over my tip and taking me into his mouth, the wet heat closing around my tip and making me moan again, this time a little louder and needier. He quickly started to bob his head up and down expertly, his hands gripping my hips gently as he took me into his throat over and over, flicking his tongue over me each time he pulled back, and then closing his throat around me as he went down again.

I began to shake with the effort of not thrusting and the intense pleasure, my fingers tangling in his short hair as he pulled back all the way, his mouth leaving my length with a wet sound before he grinned up at me and kissed my tip ever so softly, then quickly brought me back into his mouth and down his throat in one easy movement. A rush of warmth spread through me as I moaned again shakily and I finally felt myself start to get wet, pulling on Matteo's hair lightly to get his attention.

“Matteo..”

He pulled off immediately and looked up at me expectantly, his thumbs massaging my hips as he flashed me a soft, concerned smile. “You okay?”

“Y-yeah. I wanna..” I swallowed hard as he stood up slowly, stroking my cheeks.

“What do you want, beautiful?”

I smiled sadly and took a slow breath, forcing myself to think of him and only him. “I want you, all of you.”

Matteo grinned and pulled me into a deep kiss, gently pushing my chest and sending me walking back towards the bed. I stumbled slightly, tripping over my own feet, and he caught me with an arm around my waist, laughing softly and grinning down at me.

“I've got you..”

I managed to relax at last, laughing with him and pulling away carefully. “Get undressed,” I ordered softly, then climbed onto the bed and got myself in a comfortable position, my head resting on the pillows. Matteo kicked his jeans and boxers off hurriedly, then climbed up by my feet and crawled up my body, his chest between my legs when he began to press occasional kisses to my skin, making me giggle softly. He growled when he reached my lips, his eyes playful and his pupils blown in lust as he kissed me, deep and passionate, but just for a few moments. “Fuck, I want you..”

“I do too,” I said confidently, spreading my legs a little further for him and grinning as he slid a hand down my side. He ran his hand over my rock hard shaft, making me twitch, then over my balls and grinned when he stroked over my practically dripping entrance.

“You do, huh?” Matteo purred, one eyebrow raised as he kissed me again, this time softer and more reassuring. “Are you sure? There's no undoing this.”

I nodded quickly, pushing back against his hand slightly and letting out a soft breath, still managing to stay completely focused on my mate. “Yeah. Are you?”

“Yeah,” he murmured, leaning down to kiss my cheek, then nuzzling my skin lightly. “I love you..”

“I love you too,” I smiled, and gasped as he pushed a finger into me, sliding down my body slightly and nipping at my chest. I moaned happily and bucked up slightly, my whole body shuddering around his finger as he began to move it in and out slowly.

Matteo grinned against my skin, then moved over slightly and took one of my nipples into his mouth, sucking lightly before gently biting down. I cried out, my whole body tingling at the rush of pleasure and pain together.

"M-Matteo!" 

Matteo just grinned and slipped a second finger into me, lapping over the nipple before moving down again and biting down hard on my stomach, to the side of my belly button. I swore softly, then let out a low moan to make sure he knew I was enjoying myself, and he bit down harder, growling softly.

As he pulled away, he licked over my skin again, then began to scissor me open, his fingers moving quickly and easily as I leaned my head back, my eyes closing up tightly as I gave another soft little moan. He ran his hand down my side, then sat back slightly, gently gripping one of my legs. He began to kiss up the inside of my thigh, then suddenly bit down lightly close to my crotch, causing my whole body to jolt as I gasped loudly.

I pushed back against his fingers eagerly and he slipped a third one in easily, sucking over the bite on my thigh while he fucked me with his fingers, stretching me as much as he could.

Matteo suddenly pulled his fingers out of me and let go of my leg, leaving me lost in the bed, watching him uncap the lube.

“I'm just gonna put some on myself,” he explained softly when he saw me looking, flashing me a bright smile. “Just in case.”

I nodded slightly and dropped my head back against the pillow, shifting my hips to be a little more comfortable. “As long as I get you soon, I don't-”

Matteo gripped my legs, pushing them out of his way gently as he lined up, then hesitated with his tip pressing against my entrance lightly as he grinned down at me. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

I groaned, arching my back slightly and trying to grab at his arm. “For fuck's sake, just fuck me, you asshole!”

Matteo laughed and then leaned over to kiss me, his scent washing over me and making me feel joyful and calm as he pressed against me, the pressure slowly increasing. I broke the kiss to groan softly, my hands shaking as I slid them over Matteo's back desperately. It wasn't painful, exactly, but the feeling of him slowly spreading me open was much more uncomfortable than usual, and my chest was heaving now as I struggled to keep breathing through the discomfort.

“Shh, shh, nice and slow,” he soothed, my hair as his tip finally popped into me and the rest of him followed easily, up until his knot. I let out a happy, but shaky moan, my body shuddering at the feeling of his thick shaft rubbing up against my sensitive insides.

He pressed his knot against me lightly, then gave a little sigh and gripped my ribs, starting to thrust slowly, each thrust reaching a little deeper into me until his half inflated knot finally slipped into me. I hissed softly at the stretch, but relaxed around him quickly and was soon moaning happily as he slid in and out of me easily, his fingertips digging into my skin slightly.

Matteo kissed me again and I smiled against his lips, feeling the passion and love in his touch as he started to speed up slightly, still focusing on pulling out almost all the way before sliding back into me, as deep as he could physically get. I closed my eyes, moaning softly each time he pushed in, then pulled him into a deep kiss, tightening myself around him to give us both a little more sensation. He grunted, and I felt his knot inflate against my muscles as he gripped me tighter.

“It's okay,” I whispered, looking into his eyes as he broke the kiss slowly. “It's okay, Matteo. I'm not delicate.”

He smiled down at me, resting with his cock all the way inside me, pressing into my insides in a way that just felt so _right_. “You sure?”

“Definitely,” I grinned, and he sat back slightly, stroking down my hips with his gentle, but slightly rough hands.

“Deep breath.”

I nodded and Matteo started up his slow pace again, speeding it up over time until he was slamming into me, his thrusts harsh and quick, but still as deep as ever, turning me into a desperate, moaning mess on the bed beneath him. I couldn't stop begging for more, my fingers scrabbling for a purchase on his sweat-slicked back as I tried to push back against him, to get even more pleasure as he pounded me into the mattress.

I finally felt the hot buildup in my stomach and arched my back, letting out a deep, heartfelt groan just as his knot began to really swell, pressing into my prostate and making me moan even louder, trailing off into a shaky, needy whimper.

Matteo grunted, focused on dragging himself in and out of me, despite the intense, almost painful stretch, and I wrapped a hand around myself quickly, pumping only a few times before I came, screaming with my head thrown back and my back arched up against his chest. Matteo slammed into me one final time and I felt him start to cum just as he grabbed a handful of my hair and bit down hard on my neck, his teeth breaking my skin. I screamed again, my vision whiting out for a few seconds as Matteo sunk his teeth in even deeper before releasing me.

“That's a good one,” he mumbled, wiping the blood off his lips and gently tugging at the tie to make sure we were secure. He then leaned over, grabbing a rag and cleaning me off carefully as I lay there, my eyes closed and my sweaty chest heaving while I tried to catch my breath and came down from the best orgasm I'd ever had. I brought my hand up to my neck shakily and found that there were scabs already forming on the bite mark, which no longer felt painful at all.

Matteo smiled at me and carefully laid down, pulling me with him and hooking my leg over his hips as he gently rubbed the outside of my bare thigh. “I'm sorry, I was maybe a little too enthusiastic.”

I swallowed, looking at him with wide eyes and gently grabbing at his arm. “I don't feel anything.”

“It takes a few minutes, give it time,” he soothed, kissing me again softly and pulling me into his arms, so I pressed myself up against him, my arm wrapped as far around his waist as I could reach as he rubbed my shoulder slowly.

“What if-” I began after a minute, just as an odd burning cold sensation ran up my spine, making me shiver and gasp softly. I could suddenly hear Matteo's heartbeat, still a little fast, but regular and soothing. His scent was overwhelming for a few seconds, then faded as he began to cry softly. His grief ripped through me all at once and I suddenly couldn't breathe, scrabbling at his side shakily as I trembled against his chest.

“M-Matteo, it's...it's..”

“I know, baby, I know,” he sniffed, and a wave of fierce joy flowed into me, mixing with the grief and forcing tears into my eyes as I pulled away slightly, grabbing at Matteo's cheeks. He put his hand over one of mine, smiling at me through the tears pouring down his cheeks.  

“I'm s-sorry, Kieran. This shouldn't be your first experience of bonding, I just...I can't...I'm so overwhelmed..”

I nodded slightly, my fingers trembling against his skin as I almost choked on the lump forming in my throat. “Me too! I...I'm so happy and scared and sad a-and it's too much!”

“I know, I know you're scared, but it's gonna be okay,” Matteo sobbed, pulling me back into his arms and nuzzling my cheek lovingly as he held me as tightly as he could. “The first few days we'll both feel things really strong, and that's okay, but it'll get less overwhelming, I promise. Especially once I sort myself out, okay?”

“Why are you so sad?” I gasped, the tears that weren't really mine finally spilling down my cheeks. “I love you, d-don't be sad!”

“I can't feel Joey anymore,” Matteo whimpered, his fingers curling in my hair, tangling in the soft strands and pulling on it lightly. “H-he's gone..”

I dug my nails into his back, my hands shaking as I pressed myself to him. “ _I'm_ here. Focus on me,” I mumbled, trying to think of how much I loved Matteo through the haze of his emotions, and he sobbed as he gripped me tighter, but I could tell he was crying from joy now as he kissed the side of my head.  

“Th-thank you, Kieran. My baby, I love you so much,” he managed, and I felt love flow into me, fierce and passionate and soothing as it washed away all the grief and pain and left only joy and excitement behind.

Matteo began to calm down, sliding out of me and muttering something before stumbling out of bed and grabbing us clean underwear from his drawer. I tugged mine on weakly, my hands shaking with the full force of the emotion running through my veins. Matteo got back into bed with me and laid down again, wordlessly pulling me back into his arms and letting me cuddle up to his broad chest. “I've got you, Kieran. You're probably going to pass out in a couple minutes, but I'm gonna be right here with you and it's nothing to be afraid of. Your body is just overwhelmed and tired and needs some time to adjust..”

I nodded slightly, just as I felt my head start to spin and the room darken. Matteo's calm spilled into me, pouring through my body as the world went black and I slipped away.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They finally did it!  
> Let me know what you guys think :) it would be great to find out how you felt about this one <3


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